


Hopeless hearts just passing through (I was made for loving you)

by Crimsun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF! Yuta, Cameo appearances by BTS and EXO members, Detailed Abuse, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Implied past Markmin, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Nightmares, OC Suicide, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-22 14:05:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 70,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11968953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimsun/pseuds/Crimsun
Summary: Donghyuck's mother was the demon looming over his shoulder. She painted his life with harsh greys, desolate blues and destructive reds. So when she pushes him to a cage with Mark, he knows there's no escape but he also knows he wants to love the man he married. So he tries.He succeeds.(It was never hard anyway)





	1. Prologue : The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Hello world,
> 
> This is my first fic for the NCT fandom and it was supposed to be an arranged marriage au but somewhere along I lost control of my pen and ended up making this. I promise that there is a happy ending. I apologize in advance for the pain that will follow. English is not my first language so read at your own risk. 
> 
> Also, I do know that Markhyuck are underage but in this fic, they are aged up with Mark being 25 and Donghyuck 24. I cannot in good conscience write my fic with their real ages in mind. Trigger warning for Panic attacks and graphic depictions or references to violence
> 
> Title from I was made for loving you by Ed Sheeran and Tori Kelly
> 
> Happy reading!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically an introduction to the fic. Prepare for Donghyuck's monologue-ish rant.
> 
> I'm emo af.

Decked up in his white shirt and maroon blazer with a tight waistcoat, the last thing Donghyuck wanted to feel was breath-halting, head-spinning nausea, especially considering the day. His chest rattled like an earthquake shaking up the stands at a supermarket as his heart thudded irrationally fast. 

The docked mp3 player was on its second run through of the most played tracks, looping as Sam Smith crooned about making sure someone was alright and taking care of them in his naturally high voice. However, Donghyuck's mental state was millenniums away from being able to appreciate the high-pitched heaven. His head throbbed like someone was banging a crowbar and wooden block alternately as his cousin, Taeyong fixed his tie for him, lightly chiding him for crumpling the black bow tie, and thanking the Gods up above for having given him the mind "to stock up on the necessities."

The Greek God-like man was saying something to him but the younger male couldn't focus on any of his words. He could feel his chest tightening as the unsettling feeling grew to insurmountable amounts inside. It was getting harder to breathe and the other male had noticed it too, judging by the way he unfastened the tie with a swift movement of his fingers at twice the speed at which he had meticulously fixed it before. 

Donghyuck collapsed on his knees to the ground, black spots and tendrils of black smoke bleeding in from the edges like light leaked photos of a defective camera as he experienced an all-around failed grip on his balance, much like the rein he had on his life; a total failure.

"Hyuck-ah, breathe. Sweetheart, breathe for me. You are gonna have to help me here. Breathe with me. Come on. In and out. "

He tried his best to focus on the deep and forcibly calm voice of his cousin who had his worried gaze settled completely on the golden brown-haired, tuxedo-clad boy. When he was certain that the other was breathing normal enough, Taeyong pulled the other into a tight hug, his pale hands going around the torso of the younger boy. He felt the boy's sniffles against his chest and felt his heart break into splinters at the sound. 

The tears soaked through his navy blue blazer, but the last thing he cared about when his precious dongsaeng was bawling his eyes out, was a stupid best man suit. Donghyuck rarely cried in front of him, and that was enough for Taeyong to comprehend the cacophony of negative thoughts swimming in the younger's mind as he drowned under the weight of it all.

"Hyung, he doesn't like me. He will hate me. What am I supposed to do?”

His words pierced under Taeyong's skin, blunt and cruel and said with absolute helplessness, and all he could do was grip the other tighter at that.

"Hyuck-ah, he won't hate you. He likes you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have agreed to this. This situation is not under your control. Remember what you told me after you met him first?” He paused to take a deep breath. 

“I wish I could just help you run away.” 

Donghyuck gave him a pained look, a single tear escaping his left eye.

“If he does end up hating you, then he never deserved you in the first place. I am sorry. If I could just..You can still run away, sweetheart."

Taeyong smiled wetly, his eyes kind as he extended a hand for Donghyuck to grip. The younger boy stood up on shaky legs, his cousin's reassuring smile bringing him the courage to nod back even if he knew that the lies his cousin had thrown to him as strands of hope were just that. 

Little white lies. 

He wished he had the power to say yes or just nod his head so that he could run away. 

Far away. 

But he didn't. 

He was just a powerless boy.

"No, I can't. Not when I know what's at stake."

The door swung open, and a ruffled Jaehyun entered, a single glance telling him all there it is to the situation as he watched his boyfriend stare worriedly at his dongsaeng, the concern overpowering the curves and edges of his face.

"Hyung, the guests are coming in. I need backup."

Taeyong flitted his glance between Donghyuck and his boyfriend, finally deciding on sighing.

"Where's Doyoung?" _I can't leave Donghyuck alone_ , was what he meant.

"Doyoung and Taeil hyung left to the florist to get more flowers. We had a shortage due to some confusion with the bouquet's order. Yuta hyung is… uh... busy and Johnny hyung was helping me but he was asked to go and pick up someone from the hotel."

Jaehyun understood the situation, but he was honestly just so tired of smiling without really meaning it. Their guest list was packed solely with uptight men and women who looked like they probably slept on mattresses stuffed with money. It was not just the looks they gave which pissed him off; it was also the way they acted like everyone else was beneath them. Boisterous, spoiled and outrageous. If he was asked to move one more person to the front section (and fatally mess up the seating arrangement), simply because they thought they were higher and mightier than the ones in their row, Jaehyun would pull out his hair. 

Not that he gave a rat's ass about a wedding happening without his dongsaeng's wishes, but this was Donghyuck's only shot at normalcy, and Jaehyun would rather die than fuck this up for him.

Donghyuck needed the mental support Taeyong could provide, but everyone else had been too busy, and the raven had had no choice but to ask his boyfriend to help. Jaehyun was sure that the last few guests could sense the strained smile on his face judging by the way the lady in blue muttered about how "rude" the usher was. He hadn't meant to be so but if the pompous woman took it that way, he was completely fine with it.

"Hyung, you should go. I… I need some time alone too."

Taeyong worriedly gazed at the younger man, another sigh making its way past his mouth.

"I...", he paused again, scrutinizing the younger man and conceding with a mumble of agreement.

Jaehyun smiled at the younger before patting him on the shoulder. It hurt him to see the usual ball of sass and sunshine; even if it was just pretend, reduced to such a sad mess on a day most people considered as the most important in their lives. 

Weddings were supposed to belong to the "good part" of our shitty lives; a day supposed to be cherished. But he knew that the younger didn't really have a choice. Anywhere was far better than next to his mother.

"You look great, darling. You'll be fine. I'll punch his teeth out if he ever hurts you, I promise. Taeyong hyung will help me bury the body, won't you?"

He directed the words at Taeyong as the older smiled and nodded with conviction.

"I know you will, hyung. Now, shoo. Welcome all the guests. I'll just be a second."

Donghyuck watched the pair strut slowly to the door before he heard feet thumping across the tiled floor as they presumably sprinted to the entrance. 

His hyungs were such dorks.

He lied down on the bed, the soft mattress underneath his body doing nothing to calm the nerves. Maybe any other time, Donghyuck would never have found the guts to mess up his hair styled by a hovering Taeyong but today he deserved a break. 

He had bigger things to worry about than a stupid hairdo.

The brown-haired male had witnessed a fair share of weddings in the twenty-four years he spent breathing and existing. His aunt's wedding easily took the cake for being the best one he ever attended. He was only 11 when his aunt told him that she was getting married to a man she loved. 

She had looked stunning in the light lilac dress next to her tall and handsome fiancé, a man with kind eyes and a toothy smile who always high-fived little Donghyuck. Donghyuck remembers the steady stream of water down his cheeks as he smiled at the kissing pair before his mother wiped his face, her callous hands bruising the soft skin of his wrists as she told him to "behave". 

He remembers because his face had looked like a cat scratched it as her nails drew thin lines, dotted blood coming up to the surface, angry red scratches reminding him of how much he meant to his mother.

He remembers because you didn't forget things like that. 

It's easy to forget happiness, but you always remembered the most terrible things in life in vivid detail. He wished he could forget but since he was young, Donghyuck had been beaten with lessons to not dream about unrealistic things and forgetting was just that; unrealistic. 

He remembers the questions to which his mother had answered with variations of how he had an allergy. 

It was the truth after all because he did, in fact, develop an allergy from the start; just not to something but someone.

Donghyuck also remembers losing the woman he loved more than his own mother and her husband to a terrible car accident. They said that it was planned by their nemesis in business; big names not meant to be said except for the muttering under your breaths, which was entirely possible considering their wealth, but he never did find out the truth. 

It was hard to snoop around when your mother was a business magnate who intimidated the pants off everyone. He was asked to "be a man" and not shed tears during the funeral, by his mother.

He had shed none.

At least not in plain sight.

He had "behaved" according to gritted commands, uttered with hate and imprinted to his head with the sharp heels of stilettos or the business law book she considered her bible or just anything in her proximity. 

He hid his sobs under the blue blanket in his room, constantly worrying about the door being opened by a petite figure meant to terrorize the very cell of his being. 

He acted like there was no pain even when it hurt, even when it felt like he was being ripped at the seams and needed release. 

He acted like he was fine and dandy even when he was locked in his room for four days for refusing to go to a business dinner; simply spending those desolate hours, lying on the bed terrified and hungry. He had come out of that experience with a newly developed fear of closed spaces and a broken spirit along with an affinity for panic attacks he wished he had never developed.

The Batman poster was torn into shreds on the day the door opened because it was hard to believe in superheroes after your own mother did that to you.

He was only fifteen and a part of him died in the stuffy air between the four walls of his childhood room, meant to hold memories he would cherish and not ones that would give him nightmares for the rest of his life. It was the nastiest thing a person could do to himself; bury themselves and his mother had made him do that to himself.

Donghyuck was a good student; submitting works on time, getting straight As, even going as far as asking for more works for extra credit because at one point he was delusional that a report card would make it all okay.

"He's a prodigy", they said.

"That kid is going places", they said.

"To rank among the top 1% of the country is such an achievement", they said.

No one ever asked if he liked his major.

No one asked about the dark circles that had set permanently under his eyes since freshman year in high school.

No one asked if he felt constantly under pressure.

No one asked if it got harder to breathe when his grades were announced.

No one asked him why he was such a good student and skipped the gym class most days.

No one until Taeyong.

He met his cousin after the other boy transferred from America due to his father's death. His mother was stubborn and wanted her only son near her, and he had come. 

Any child who loved their mother would have done the same but Donghyuck would never do it, not even in his dreams. Especially not when his dreams couldn't be called dreams, weighed in by the metronome measuring the beats of the footsteps that paused at his door everyday, deciding whether to ask him to "behave" or not and the frequency of cigarette blunts pressing into the delicate insides of his wrist as he gagged at the smell of his own burned skin.

Taeyong was a welcome distraction. A brother figure, caring and hovering over his shoulder like a mother hen. 

Being the only children had its advantages, even if they were brought up by polar opposites for mothers. They never had the pleasure of knowing the feeling of having siblings till they met each other. The elder man took care of him like he was the little brother he never had. Taeyong coddled the younger a lot, some part of Donghyuck begging his heart to let the other in, desperate to have someone by his side.

College was the best part of his measly life simply because of the then-lilac haired man. He had opened the door to the flat that was suggested to him by Taeyong's mother. He was pleasantly surprised when he was tackled to the ground by the lean man. He later came to know that the place was a gift to Taeyong from his mother.

Taeyong was always there to close the book softly and to coax the brown haired boy to bed, hugging Donghyuck when he knew that the younger needed comfort or just because he wanted to. He cuddled with him when he studied and nagged him when he didn't pay him enough attention. He made him coffee, and stayed up with him on nights his brain found it hard to shut down, even with the Valium pills shoved down his throat. He lied on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, humming ballads under his breath which soon became Donghyuck's lullaby. 

Some days, he woke up due to nightmares in the middle of the night to a panicking Taeyong who held him tight and whispered apologies for not knowing how to make him feel better.

Jaehyun was a constant in Taeyong's life since when he was 12. Both of them had experimented with other people in high school but had found their way back to each other during the sophomore year. Donghyuck sometimes wished he was there when his hyungs danced around each other. 

Their love had stayed strong even through the hurdles a long-distance relationship had imposed on them; a game of calls at unexpected hours and conversations that consisted of reassuring the other that everything would be fine, more than of what they did daily. Donghyuck had woken up multiple times to his phone ringing; distressed calls from Jaehyun asking why Taeyong's phone was switched off or asking him to check if his face was wet or if he was eating meals properly. There were also the calls which ended with a choked out "Can you give him a hug for me, Hyuck?", the distant man’s voice breaking like glass shattering on the floor.

Their relationship was the kind Nicholas Sparks and Debbie Macomber wrote novels on; the kind of love Donghyuck wished to have. They were two men so utterly in love that they had vowed to overcome the odds and evens as long as they were with each other. It was too good to be true; too unreal but it was the truth, a love that was capable of putting Altair and Vega's or Pyramus and Thisbe's to shame. 

Donghyuck wondered if he and Mark would ever love each other. He wondered if someone like Mark could ever come to love him; if he was enough.

Donghyuck had never been in a relationship. 

He had never been in love with anyone. 

He had never had a friend whom he hung out with. 

He had never kissed anyone. 

He had never known what it was like to have someone who was devoted to you. 

He was a loner in all the sense of the word, and even with Taeyong's prodding, it had stayed that way save for two men who were initially part of the elder's friend circle. Sure, he had a few crushes but he was always scared of his mother's reaction to ever take initiative. He never let himself associate them with heart fluttering feelings or rainbows. 

During the sophomore year in college, after a lot of coaxing from Taeyong and support calls from Jaehyun which probably cost the other a fortune since international calls were really pricey, Donghyuck had picked up his phone to call his mother to confess. Taeyong had sat next to him, the phone on speaker as he gripped the younger's trembling hands in his own.

"Eomma, I like boys." His voice had forced out.

The relief of finally saying those words out loud and admitting it to himself didn't last for more than a few seconds. He really shouldn't have hoped for anything except disappointment and anger. 

Donghyuck pleaded with his eyes at the silver-haired man to keep quiet as his mother spit one venomous word after another, ending the call with a yell of, "Come back, you good for nothing." It's safe to say that it triggered two panic attacks on the same day as he wondered whether he would be able to come back to Taeyong or if he would end up next to his aunt, pushing daisies on the cemetery near the church.

Taeyong wanted to tag along, terrified for the brown-haired male's safety. Donghyuck had found the strength to resolutely dismiss the offer.

He took the train home and in three hours, found himself standing inside his posh and pristine house which uncharacteristically reeked of weed and alcohol. He hadn't even finished toeing away his shoes when he was hit by a vodka bottle that came flying at him, splintering as it hit his back at the sheer force. He screamed as she pulled him by his left arm and dug the cigarettes into the abused skin of his inner wrists. 

The third vase was perfectly aimed just like the other two, and he fell to the ground, the blood dripping down the side of his face painting his vision red, unable to bear the pain of three consecutive blunt force traumas. He never heard a word his mother said that day.

It's said that the two options of abuse victims are fight or flight; Donghyuck had added his own f letter word to the list; freeze. He had heard a slam of the door hitting the wall and blacked out. 

That was one among the many times Donghyuck thought that he would die. He thought that it was finally over. That he was free from a lifetime of constantly living in fear and under pressure, denied even the basic right to feel and express his emotions.

He woke up to Taeyong staring at him with his large brown eyes as Donghyuck's mother's bodyguard, a young man in his late twenties called Joonmyun, talked to him in a hushed voice. The elder man's gaze moved from the bandages of his wrist to Donghyuck who looked straight at the man. His expression had crumpled to one of heart-wrenching pain. 

The boy on the hospital bed cried then, not because he was in pain, but because at that moment the only thing he could think of was how he must have done something good in his previous life to have someone like Taeyong worry over his unworthy life. 

After the reunion, Joonmyun had cleared his throat, telling him that he was the one who walked in because he couldn't listen to his screams and pleas for help anymore. Donghyuck had laughed in his face and thanked him, remembering the impassive and unkind gazes of the ones before, who had not even flinched when he was pushed down the stairs, tumbling down the seventeen steps, each tumble breaking another piece of his heart and ultimately his ankle.

What hurt him the most, however, was the fact that his mother was not homophobic. She never said even a single word of disagreement about Taeyong and Jaehyun's relationship, even going as far as joking around with the elder's mother about dressing them both up like Ken dolls on their wedding, yet somehow he had known that his mother wouldn't like it if her son was gay. 

It was simply another aspect of a son she never loved. So obviously, she hated that part of him too.

She wasn't an alcoholic or a drug addict. She did have her days when she drank a bit more than what her body could tolerate but an alcoholic could never maintain an empire under threat of ruination like she did. 

Park Yoona. 

Revered and loved, treated with the best hospitality wherever she went. 

His father died when his mother was nine months pregnant with him. Lee Wonbin was the founder of the Lee Industries, but somewhere along he had lost track of how many people were against his plans for an ambitious future for his company. He had gained more enemies at his pinnacle than friends and that had ultimately led to his death. 

Some nights when Donghyuck got lost in his head, he thought about what could have been had his father been alive. Maybe he could have had a normal childhood, and he wouldn't have been scared of the one person who should have been there with him even when the whole world turned their backs on him.

Donghyuck was admitted to the hospital, and no explanation was demanded by the doctors. They tended to overlook the reasons when the son of the major shareholder of the management was found injured under suspicious circumstances. 

Taeyong's mother had talked to Donghyuck's mother and somehow, three days later when he was given the ok to go home, his mother had waited at the dining table and asked him to sit down calmly, a strained smile on her face; always strained. 

The elder man had been hesitant when Donghyuck turned to tell him to "Go home, hyung." Taeyong waved off Yoona's offer to stay for dinner due to panicked glances and subtle negative shakes of head the younger sent him. 

Later, Donghyuck found the elder sitting in his car as he sprinted out of the house, bile rising in his throat at the ultimatum his mother had presented to him. He was pulled into a hug and then to the passenger seat of the elder's blue Lexus, even if he was soaking wet, the storm paying tribute to his internal turmoil.

That rainy evening, he had asked his hyung to just drive and he had. It was during the third drive around the relatively calm suburbs that Donghyuck broke and told the other with an impassive face tear ducts empty, about the deal his mother offered him.

"She said that if I liked boys, I can only date the ones she asks me to and that one day I would have to marry the one she chooses for me. She has many business partners who are based in America. A couple of them have openly gay children. She said that I was useless to her anyway and that this was one way I could redeem myself and repay her for taking care of me even if she hated me. She said that there would be consequences if I didn't agree to it."

Taeyong drove him back to the house and gave him the courage to take what was left of his from the place which had just been a pathetic excuse for a home. She had threatened to stop sending him money, but that wasn't a threat he cared about since he never did use a penny she deposited in his account. His scholarship took care of the college tuition, and his job at the college library paid enough anyway.

He thought that it was going to be fine. Her smug smirk when he accidentally looked at her face as he came down the stairs with the last of his stuff should have clued him into the fact that it was never that easy with his mother.

The next two weeks, Donghyuck was a free bird, thriving at the disappearance of the huge shadow which hovered over his head, veiling the light from him. The summer break had started before he went home, and Donghyuck was glad that the universe had finally decided to show him some leniency. 

Taeyong’s mother was a sweet woman, maintaining her husband's business empire in his absence much like his own but she was a good mother. One who called Taeyong up to check on him and scolded him for not eating properly, reassuring him that things will be fine when his grades dropped a bit. She took care of Donghyuck too, stuffing him with food saying his cheeks reminded her of the hollow man and cracking jokes to make him laugh even as her business phone vibrated at her side, her slightly wrinkled fingers subtly pressing the volume button to mute it.

Taeyong and he embarked on a trip to Busan which lasted for a week after another of lying around in Taeyong's room at his house. It was Taeyong's mother's suggestion, and it had been the best trip he had ever been on, not that he went on any before it. It was his way of celebrating his liberation from the autocracy of his mother; his two-man mutiny for the happiness she had denied him for so long. 

He ran like an unconcerned child, letting the comfortable warmth of the sun beat down on him, letting it thaw the ice that had lodged itself in his bones and deep under his skin, trying to make up for his childhood or lack thereof as his hyung chased him, playfully tackling him to the ground and throwing wet sand at him. His head still throbbed painfully from the wounds but he carried on; after all, he had a lifetime of pain behind him anyway. They made friends with the hotel keeper's son, a friendly boy with orange hair as bright as his smile and promised him that they would come back during the fall break too.

The euphoria that he felt in those two weeks was nothing like what came after. He was unprepared; disillusioned about a life where he could work on himself and finally, attempt to heal and put himself back together in the absence of too sharp nails and bruising grips to accompany the words that spit fire which burned his younger self. 

He now knew how wrong he was; how much of a fool he was to think he had a shot at purifying himself of the bad memories that made it hard to open his eyes in the morning, always present, nagging, pulling and pushing him off the cliff every time he let his red and raw palms grab onto the pointy rock that was his way out.

He was naïve when the first consequence happened. 

Jaehyun had been followed by a gang of five and brutally beaten until his best friend, Johnny stepped in and landed a few well-aimed kicks and punches, calling the cops right after. The men were arrested but two days later, they walked free. 

Taeyong had been a mess then, crying himself to sleep and talking to Jaehyun like he was dying. A couple of days later, Johnny had called Donghyuck to tell him that the men were from a mafia, one his mother was in good terms with. 

Johnny was to Jaehyun, a pillar, protector and brother much like what Taeyong was to Donghyuck. To hear that he was so concerned about that fact that he called up Donghyuck instead of telling Taeyong should have been the first clue. Johnny was a brilliant man, top of his class, acing his double major and practising under a reputed lawyer. He had linked the attack back to Donghyuck's mother in the span of just two days, but the younger man refused to believe what was in front of him. 

The man had hung up with a warning in accented Korean. 

A week later, Donghyuck had wished he heeded the other's warning.

The next Wednesday, Taeyong left after getting a call in the evening from the architecture firm he freelanced for, saying that they needed a hard copy of his plan and that their printer was having trouble. 

A multinational architecture firm with printer troubles. It seemed so unbelievable now that he thought about it. 

Taeyong never came back. 

Instead, Donghyuck got a call from a hospital about how his hyung; the man who meant the most to him was fighting for his life after a truck rammed into his Lexus. Two minutes later, he had slammed his fists on his neighbour Doyoung's door, a friend of the elder who was practising law. The other had tried to calm the younger man to no avail as he begged him to drive him to the hospital. Doyoung had frantically nodded as the situation's seriousness was fathomed by him.

Donghyuck waited outside the intensive care unit, listening to Jaehyun as he decided the entire course of his life based on a four-minute call consisting mainly of choked up sounds courtesy of Donghyuck before Doyoung took the phone with trembling hands and a certain voice. His only thought that day and the months followed had been how he nearly lost his brother.

Taeyong's mother arrived after two hours, her breathing ragged and eyes red, hair askew like she had pulled at it multiple times, letting her countenance break as Donghyuck got up and ran to her, hugging her and apologizing. With his head on the crook of the other's mother, he had seen the smirk on his mother's face as she playfully tapped her forefinger against her silver, jewel-adorned watch before schooling her expression to one of fake concern. 

Donghyuck had had a panic attack in the visitor's restroom of the hospital until a pair of hands pulled him to their chest, hesitant about the action but knowing the younger needed it anyway. Doyoung was added to his list of people the moment he rushed into his room to grab his keys and that had concreted his position in the scarce list.

"He could have died", they said. 

"His heart stopped twice during surgery", they said. 

"His left shoulder was completely shattered", they said. 

"Both his legs were broken", they said. 

"Some Gods were seriously watching over him to have come out of that alive", they said. 

All he heard was, "Your fault, you stupid selfish boy."

Jaehyun arrived the second day, fury and concern painting his face, the reason for which Donghyuck would later learn to be the taller man that followed him. Johnny had apparently insisted that the other man take a moment and calm himself down which led to the remaining three seats on the flight to Seoul to be booked by someone else, delaying their journey. 

The elder man had taken one look at him and pulled him into a hug, even if they had never met; concern and sorrow over the man on the hospital bed linking them together. Johnny had done pretty much the same but with fewer tears and more comfort.  
At around ten at night when Johnny and Jaehyun had gone to the hospital cafeteria to get some much-needed caffeine, Joonmyun, his mother's bodyguard had come and confirmed his doubts about the Jaehyun issue too. 

The older man said that he would have resigned, but that he could never do it knowing that the next person might never understand the extent of what was really happening. He patted the boy comfortingly on the shoulder, leaving with a promise to let him know if anything goes wrong and a forced smile as if it physically hurt for him to look at Donghyuck.

"I would never wish what you have gone through on any child. Stay strong, Donghyuck."

Jaehyun and Johnny eyed the back of the man clad in full black as he shouldered past the twin towers. 

Donghyuck decided that he would tell them everything after he informed his mother of his change in decision. He couldn't risk anyone's life in exchange for his; especially not Taeyong and Jaehyun. 

By affiliating themselves with him, Johnny and Doyoung were also under threat and he knew that he wouldn't have survived the accident if the outcome was one that his mind hesitated from even voicing out loud.

They were allowed to visit Taeyong after the fourth day of his stay in the hospital. It pained him to witness the shaking hands of Jaehyun touch the pale skin of Taeyong's face with such care. 

Even though the couple were reunited after a long break, he forced down the bile which rose up as he realized that due to him they were meeting in a situation they could never have imagined as being their next. Seeing them miles apart was better than seeing them close but still realms and worlds away, distorted by the chasm that separated the conscious and the unconscious.

On the third day, he had had an enlightening conversation with Johnny as Jaehyun slept with his head on the elder's shoulder. Doyoung had gone back to his flat since he had to do some research before the trial the next day after persistent calls from his senior lawyer. 

Donghyuck was having trouble sleeping and it looked like Johnny was struggling too. Johnny had asked about college and how the trip to Busan was, stopping when he realized that talking about Taeyong and him having fun at the beach only served as a reminder of what he was missing. 

Donghyuck talked to him about his odd wish for his hyung to wake up that day since Christ resurrected on the third day. Taeyong was nothing short of God to him, but then Johnny had smiled at him and ruffled his hair saying, "Christ died and that's why he was resurrected. He is not dead, Donghyuck. He'll be fine. He is stronger than we give him credit for. We tend to kill people who aren't dead in our heads. I promise, he'll be fine."

Days passed, an uncomfortable blur of Donghyuck rushing between the college and hospital, Doyoung driving him to and fro, Johnny and Jaehyun staying at the hospital during his class time. He wouldn't have put one step out of the building characterised by the smell of disinfectant and misery, had it not been for Taeyong's mother's stern words and Jaehyun's reassurances. 

He hardly slept, waking up in the metal chairs outside the intensive care unit, with nightmares that were new to his dreamscape as he pictured himself driving the truck that rammed against the Lexus, wide brown eyes gawking at him and thin pink lips parting to plead, "Hyuck-ah", his mother sitting beside him and pulling a string that twisted his hands as if he was a puppet, finally leading to the collision. 

Doyoung stood by his side, talking about all the times Taeyong told him about his cute dongsaeng, promising to introduce him to the other when the youngest was comfortable enough and how glad he was that Donghyuck had come to him. The four formed a solidarity over the absence of the man who was sleeping away the days, returning to life slowly but surely.

After eight agonizingly slow days that felt like aeons stretched thin, Donghyuck rushed to the hospital room and pushed the door open, heels skidding on the tiled floor. His searching gaze met Taeyong’s brown ones which always lulled the self-deprecating maelstrom in his head, instead reminding him of slow sinking comfort and the hazy motion of the swing in the backyard of his house in the wind during the days he stared out the window and counted the back and forth flow of it. 

He hadn't let the tears fall until the man let his grip on Jaehyun's loosen and croaked out a "Hyuck-ah", full of longing and fondness. He had eyed Jaehyun who just mouthed at him that it was ok and beckoned him over with a smile, a contrast to his red and wet face, albeit genuine. He had stumbled forward then, a litany of apologies which had found home at the tip of his tongue spilling out like a terrible rendition of a Linkin Park song. 

He didn't tell them why he was apologizing; they would have forgiven him anyway but he had to make sure that there were no more reasons for his sick imitation of a mother to hunt down his friends without mercy.

Taeyong was released from the hospital four days later. Donghyuck was glad that he wasn't a resident of the college dorm since it would have been hard to find accommodation for Jaehyun and Johnny near the college, the tall buildings crowded and suffocating. Doyoung told them that Johnny could stay with him since he lived alone, and Donghyuck had hesitantly agreed. It was just a wall apart and the quiet nod from Johnny was reassurance enough.

It was hard to see his usually energetic hyung always sitting somewhere but still smiling brightly like his legs and shoulder weren't in constant agony. Donghyuck was glad for Jaehyun's presence because most days the sight of the other man made him lose his grip on reality; hit by glimpses of the nightmares where the other closed his eyes and called out to the younger as the truck rammed into his side.

Weirdly enough, it was Johnny and Doyoung who pulled him out of it then, dragging him away to the convenience store nearby and letting him pick out his favourite ice cream flavours and candies, encouraging him with nods and small smiles. He always picked the ones Taeyong liked due to his lack of favourites. 

Young Donghyuck had never had any likes or dislikes due to his mother’s conditioning. He had learnt fast about all the things that made his mother's expression and blows harden. 

He had returned home with the duo and given the elder man his dark chocolate ice cream, watching him as he dipped the spoon with his good hand and extending the first scoop to him just like he always did. He had choked out apologies then and ran out, Johnny and Doyoung following him out and attempting to comfort him as he sobbed in silence outside the door; always in silence.

Donghyuck took extra shifts at the library to make sure he had enough money to keep buying all the things Taeyong needed even if the other's mother visited frequently and deposited money every week. Jaehyun, Johnny and Doyoung were from rich families. So money was never a problem during the situation, but Donghyuck needed time away to put his thoughts in order so that he wouldn't run away every time Taeyong smiled at him or offered him a bite of his toast. 

Things had been put into perspective when Jaehyun knocked on his door once around three in the morning, with a sad smile on his face and drooping shoulders as if the events had finally succeeded in dragging him down. He told him that when he was gone, Taeyong cried telling his boyfriend that the accident had messed up all the progress he made with Donghyuck. 

Jaehyun stayed with the younger for an hour before leaving with words which reminded him that Taeyong and Jaehyun needed him there, even if he was broken inside and stunted at healing. He tried his best to go back to how they were before and it worked.  
The elder man's smile got wider and brighter which Donghyuck honestly had never thought was possible. He started sleeping next to Taeyong like he used to, smiling contently at the pale arm of Jaehyun which held the elder to his chest securely.

On the seventeenth day of Taeyong's release from the hospital, Donghyuck lied to the gang that he was at work and took the next train home, telling himself that enough time had passed for his decision to be delivered to her; the words she certainly awaited with bloodstained canines and a frozen heart. He stared at the demon of his version of hell and told her that he would do anything she asked him to, so long as she never hurt anyone close to him again. 

Joonmyun watched him with wide eyes from his position behind his mother as he traded his soul for the lives of his loved ones. His mother told him that she hoped he "behaved" in the future so as to avoid forcing her to resort to "crucial and violent measures". It was a well-structured threat and Donghyuck burned inside as he apologized to her for breaking the rules. She said that she would start sending money because he was on the path to becoming a good boy. He didn't grace that with a response as he had heard it a million times before, but denial never ended well for him. So he bowed with a smile; the corners of his mouth threatening to droop with the strain but still letting it cut across his face, unwilling and forced. 

He saw the similarity when she did the same but with practised ease; he had only ever seen their resemblance in their strained smiles. 

That day he gave her an apology she didn't deserve and sold his self-respect.

He felt dirty and tainted then; resorting to such low ways, bargaining with his mother for the lives of the people he cared the most at the cost of his own worthless one. 

He sat on the rusty metal bench at the train station, face impassive, heart numb and hands unresponsive to the persistent vibration of his phone in his pocket. It was when an older woman asked him the time that he realized that it was eleven at night, that he had been sitting there staring at the trains that passed and paused for the past three hours. 

Around an hour later, it rained like the day he walked out of the claustrophobia-inducing walls of his supposed home. He laughed then, a sick rendition of the bright laughter that Taeyong taught him, at the irony of it all. He had taken the rain that day as permission from the Gods to start over but he was wrong; the clouds had wept at his foolish decision then and now they were rejoicing as he finally signed a metaphorical document with clauses that would dictate the rest of his life. 

He got into the next train with a clear head; as clear as it gets at least, picking up the phone and calling Jaehyun, swiping away the missed call and message notifications.

"Hyung, I'll come home and explain."

And explain he did. 

Taeyong didn't talk to him for a week out of disappointment and immense sorrow that kept him away from Donghyuck's searching eyes. Jaehyun kept apologizing for being an indirect reason to him damning himself for eternity; Donghyuck waving away the apologies and resolutely telling the other that nothing mattered more to him than them. 

Johnny took him to the Han river and sat with him in silence, smiling softly at him, conveying through his calm presence that he understood why the younger agreed to the decision and when after two hours of staring at the horizon he found himself tearing up, the elder had simply put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him to his chest, dipping down and kissing his hair whispering, "I'm here", making even more tears fall down his face as he wondered why everyone, except the one person who was supposed to, was so good to him.

A few days later, Taeyong was carried to Donghyuck's room by Jaehyun upon the elder's demand.

"Hyuck-ah, come here."

He whispered, sitting up on his bed and beckoning the younger over as Jaehyun smiled softly before closing the door behind him. Donghyuck trotted forward like a toddler learning to walk and crawled on the bed, hugging the other man as if he was made of glass, making sure to not put his weight on the other. 

The elder apologized profusely and the topic was avoided in the coming days.

Jaehyun transferred to the Seoul National; his grades helping his smooth transition to the senior classes. Taeyong returned to work, catching up with life that had been rudely disturbed by the collision of a truck. 

Coincidentally, Johnny was a junior lawyer at the Chicago branch of the firm Doyoung worked at. With the recommendation of his senior lawyer who had only flawless comments about the eldest, he uprooted his life to Seoul without any reluctance.

When the youngest witnessed the man's unhesitant migration to Seoul, he had been awed. A few days later, he got the reason from the man himself that he wanted to be there in case something happened to anyone in their group; stress on the "anyone" accentuated with the sharp gaze of a man on a mission. 

Johnny may have been a junior lawyer but the blood that ran through his veins spoke of generations of men who had always put brotherhood first and Donghyuck's faith had been concreted then; assured about the fact that the eldest would be there to shield them from anyone and anything. 

It was a promise made over half-filled Coke cans, empty chips covers, a tuned out Friends marathon and utmost faith in each other.

The youngest watched as their five-man group became even closer than before, indifferent about the opinions of others, much less their looks and unhesitant to get lost in their bubble. It felt like everything had gone back to normal even when it hadn't, but it was easier to pretend.

He felt like a detached spirit from his body as he watched his nineteen-year-old self, drag himself to the first business party his mother had informed him via a perfectly punctuated text. He hauled his unwilling and hesitant self to the party where everyone stared at him like he didn't belong, and he knew didn't.

About an hour into the party, his mother had come to him and introduced a man who had mature features and a sophisticated air around him and whispered near his ear to behave, a hushed warning to remember what had happened to Taeyong. Then she proceeded to coo loudly, too sweetly at how a thirty-two-year-old Japanese tycoon and a trembling and traumatised nineteen years old looked "just like the perfect match", a phrase that he would hear multiple times in the future.

The man simply strutted to the bar, buying him a coke and returned to the dumbstruck Donghyuck, giving him the drink. Just as he was about to sip the beverage hoping that it would clear the cottony mess his tongue was in his mouth, the man grabbed his wrist firmly and took him up the stairs. Donghyuck had wanted to protest but he was sure his mother wouldn't be a fan if he threw a tantrum or had a breakdown. 

His younger self was gestured to sit on a dark brown couch, the cushion giving way easily as he settled on top of it, hands jittery and thoughts a jumbled mess.

"I do not like your mother."

The man had said, sitting down next to him and leaning forward to place his gin and tonic which he had not drunk yet, on the coffee table. Donghyuck had turned to the man with eyes the size of saucers while simultaneously wanting to scream "ME TOO!"

"I..am her.." _son_ , he wanted to say but the word never made it past his lips, instead what came out was a shaky "I don't think you should tell me this."

He had found his voice to defend his mother whom he associated with only pain and the shitty part of his life as he weighed the consequences of not doing so. If his mother heard, he had nothing short of absolute torture to look forward to. 

The man cracked a small smile.

"Don't pretend. Let's be honest here. You are a kid. I like my men mature."

Donghyuck had given the other a wobbly smile and inhaled his drink as if it could make him forget her name and her smirks. The other man, whom he never learned the name of, opened the conversation properly after a few minutes of tense silence with a 

"What's your major?" 

Donghyuck's heart which was thumping loudly and destructively, slowed to a normal pace after a conversation about unwanted majors and pets. He still remembers the way the man had smiled at him before asking in a quiet voice if he could hug him. 

Donghyuck didn't know what prompted him but he had nodded, even if the response was delayed.

"I hope you heal."

The man had whispered softly.

He held onto those words for a really long time. 

Even after his mother took one look at them as they came down and apologized for her "immature son" to which the man had responded with a stern voice that he wasn't interested in dating or marrying a teenager. He told her that her son was one of the most genuine people he had met in his life of thirty-two years, stressing on the thirty-two as if he wished he had the ability to rewind time while making sure that she knew that the age gap was too far; subtly trying to hint at the fact that Donghyuck was too young.

He had sauntered away from them after another soft smile aimed at the brown-haired college student. His mother asked him to go back to his flat and reminded him that wouldn't be the last time his assistance and presence would be demanded; a roundabout way of showing him who exactly was in control.

Donghyuck came out of the banquet hall where the party was held to see a familiar man leaning on his car and poking on his phone. As soon as Johnny's gaze fell on the younger's face he had strode over in all his 186 cm of formidable glory with a frown as if asking, "Who do I need to punch?" 

Donghyuck had simply smiled at the other man in response to which the other's expression softened just as fast.

"I am sorry I came. We didn't think Taeyong would have the patience to wait outside without pulling out his hair."

Donghyuck had stumbled forward to hug the other as he told him that he was glad he came, that all of them were his brothers, that he didn't care who came. He was just glad for the elder's presence.

On the way back home, even with the rain pelting outside mercilessly, his thoughts strayed back to the words the man uttered to him.

_I hope you heal._

He hoped he did too, but most times, hoping wasn't the same as happening.

A number of forced dates later which were a jumble of terrible, good and boring, Donghyuck had gotten the hang of it. 

He hated the look on his mother's face every time the men told her that "It isn't gonna work out" or "I am not ready for a relationship yet, Mrs.Lee." or "He is too young" or "He is too timid" or the bad variations of it, the "How could you" greatly implied.

Donghyuck had, however, understood from his blender of dates that the business world was not full of old geezers and paedophiles.

Every date, no matter how great or terrible it was, always succeeded in breaking a part of his soul, which he would proceed to mend only after seeing one of his hyungs wait for him outside. 

Taeyong had cried once when Donghyuck told him that he felt "dirty" after a man had been particularly touchy-feely with him. Donghyuck had pretty much run from the man, unable to bear with the other's fingers rubbing circles on his thigh.

Jaehyun was pissed off, shrugging his coat on and grabbing the keys to Taeyong's Lexus. Johnny had already been at the door, waiting for the other to come out. Doyoung and Taeyong were teary messes staring down, unable to decide whether to join the two or stay with Donghyuck. 

The youngest had pulled at the sleeves of his angry hyungs and sobbed, pleading them to stay back, saying that he couldn't take it if something happened to them, and that he wasn't worth the trouble. They had stared incredulously at him and pulled him softly to their car, heading to the Han River. 

The four men had made sure that he knew how much he meant to them and how awful they felt to see him go against his ethics and do this for them, with watery smiles and hugs that he felt in his bones.

Donghyuck was glad that his mother wasn't particular about the success of the dates. Sure, she was disappointed in him, but after a few dates he realized that it was just a new chapter she created in the book titled "How to torture my son into not existing?"

He did want to stop existing. Maybe that was what she wanted too. 

He was done giving her everything she asked.

"Hyuck-ah?"

Donghyuck zoned back to reality at the snap of fingers next to his ears as Johnny called out to him softly. The other man leaned down and wiped at the tears that had flowed freely without his knowing, and pulled him to a sitting position with his hand.

Johnny tucked his side swept glossy black hair behind his ear and smiled lazily at him, somehow always managing to be comforting even with his intimidating presence. Sadly, that couldn't be said for the unfortunate ones outside their circle.

Donghyuck smiled back and got to his feet, brushing away imaginary dust off his wedding suit. 

The towering man took up the jet black bow tie lying abandoned on the floor from where Taeyong had taken it off in a haste during the youngest's panic attack. He stepped closer to the groom and looped the tie in a perfect bow for him before patting at the sides of chest.

"It's time."

Donghyuck nodded as the elder stared intensely at him, searching his face for anything that told him "Take me away, hyung."

"Sweetheart, you know that you.."

Donghyuck smiled sadly.

"I can't, hyung."

Johnny shook his head.

"It's okay. I'll be fine, hyung. I always am."

The elder man grew misty-eyed as he glanced at his dongsaeng who was forced to grow up too soon. He wished he could just put the key in the ignition and drive away, the horizon the destination. 

If only he could. 

He wondered how Taeyong felt, having known the youngest since high school. Even he had met the other just four years ago and it had been hard to not love the boy to bits.

"Let's go down. Okay?"

Donghyuck hummed, not trusting his voice to speak an affirmative out loud.

***

The wedding was a beautiful flurry of wine red and ivory. Donghyuck walked down the aisle, his one hand clasped firmly; perhaps a bit too tight, in his mother's hands. His heart was in his throat as he tried to focus on Jaehyun, Taeyong, Doyoung and Johnny who were all smiling at him hoping to cheer him up.

"Behave, Donghyuck."

The response was immediate as his lips parted to reveal perfectly aligned teeth; both the mother and son sporting equally fake smiles. He resolutely kept himself from staring at the man he was supposed to marry as he forced his eyes to keep darting to the left side at his four knights in invisible armour.

"Mark looks so smitten."

A girl whispered, her sweet voice lilting past Donghyuck's ear as he stepped closer and closer to his escape and his prison. 

His mother's grip tightened painfully as he slowed down, urging him to walk faster.

"Graceful, Donghyuck."

He was a robot acting according to her one-word inputs, a dog trained to respond to harsh commands; a man with no choice.

When he reached the slightly heightened platform, he kept his gaze down as he stood straight opposite polished black shoes. He looked up after a subtle pat from Taeyong on his back.

"Hey."

Mark whispered, a single breath, eyes analysing Donghyuck's face but a soft smile adorning his thin lips as if he had been waiting for him to meet his gaze.

"Hey."

Donghyuck whispered right back, finding his voice finally.

The officiant cleared his throat and began the ceremony. Both of them had said their "I do's" with hoarse voices and expressions conveying uncertainty.

Donghyuck was an automaton, reciting the vows written mostly by Jaehyun and Doyoung, staring at Mark as the other fumbled over his vows.

Taeyong stepped forward with the platinum ring that had "LDK" carved on its underside. It was also the only thing that Donghyuck actually had a choice over. 

He didn't think that Mark was fond of flashy things, not that their relationship was one that lasted long enough to demand fondness or consideration. Meeting someone just two months before you married them was too small a window for Donghyuck to learn the other man, but he had tried. 

Judging by the smile on the other's face as he put it on his hands with prominent green veins, he assumed that the other man didn't hate it. 

A few minutes later, he had a platinum ring with "LMH" on its underside on his ring finger; similar to the one he gave Mark but with a tiny diamond smack dab in the centre of it. He smiled to let the other know that he liked it.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss."

Mark found the courage to loop his sweaty fingers with Donghyuck's equally sweaty ones, leaning forward and placing a hand on the younger's nape.

There was a silent plea for permission in his eyes before Donghyuck closed his eyes in reply. There was loud hollering and sound of poppers in the background as their lips met. 

Donghyuck desperately hoped that Mark couldn't taste the iron in his mouth.

He smiled at his husband, the corners of his lips straining like usual as he tried to console and calm himself, thinking about all the positive things associated with weddings. He sensed his mother's smirk before he saw it. 

Joonmyun, ever the attentive bodyguard, took a visibly deep breath in hopes of making the now married man imitate the action. Donghyuck nodded at the other before looking down at his wedding ring, a deep breath accompanying the action; not a content one but one tainted with an unrecognizable whirlpool of emotions. 

He held onto the minuscule amount of relief he felt at seeing Mark’s soft smile as he tried to forget the ocean of pain on the other side.

The realization that he had had his first kiss didn't strike him until late into the evening, face muscles frozen and sore from stretching too wide. 

After all, not many had their first kiss at their own wedding.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys.. Here you go.. The second update.. Hope you like it..

Donghyuck was smiling and concluding the conversation with yet another woman dressed to the nines in her ivory and black gown when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

He felt Mark’s warmth before he saw him. 

The woman smirked coquettishly and humbly bowed with a mumble of “I’ll let the husbands talk.”

“Enjoying yourself?”

Mark asked, with a grin on his face.

Donghyuck gave him a look that conveyed “Seriously?” to the other. The grin immediately disappeared.

“I know. I just..I was just checking, okay?” He stuttered out, suddenly unsure.

The younger man turned properly to face the other and stood in front of him as he felt a certain somebody’s eyes on him from the side of the banquet hall. His husband just gaped at him, confusion etched on his features.

“What are you..”

“Please, hyung. Just stand still. My mom is looking at us.”

Mark looked at the other puzzled, struggling to comprehend the situation. 

What was so wrong with his mother looking at them? 

Something about the way his husband’s hands shook as they smoothed over his suit and waistcoat made him want to not flinch away from the touch. Donghyuck stepped away from him a minute or so later, hands less shaky and breathing finally inaudible to the elder man.

“Donghyuck, you’re..” _shaking._

The younger man looked up from where his gaze had found home on the other’s shoes to Mark with a look that said: “Don’t say it.” The black haired male simply sighed in resignation, promising himself that he would keep an eye on his husband for the rest of the night.

Donghyuck was tired; worn out from all the socializing he had to do at the wedding crowded by all the allies and friends of Lee Industries. Combine that with the announcement of Lee Builders and Developers merging with the former and it wasn’t just their wedding anymore. 

It honestly felt like an extravagant business deal with two young boys as ploys; like knives in a murderer’s hands which did the job for him, but ultimately wasn’t the real reason why someone was dead.

Slipping to the balcony was a nice move in which they were assisted by Johnny, who shot rude looks at others but sent soft smiles reserved for Donghyuck at him. Mark sat right next to him on the wooden bench leftover from the interior arrangements, his bony hands firmly clasping Donghyuck’s smaller ones. 

That had been the only physical development in their relationship in the two months; constant hand holding. It was initiated by Mark on their first date, and later kept up by them to avoid their parents’ and media’s prying eyes, also acting as something that ground them in the pseudo-reality. However, it had become their thing somewhere along.

After a point in time, the focus had shifted from the newly married couple to their parents and honestly, the couple loved the lull in attention. The cake cutting, however, had brought back the spotlight which had drifted away from them. 

Taeyong had delivered a stunning best man speech, even if it was a carefully crafted one that omitted a lot of crucial details and consisted of a lot of foreshadowing and references that only their five-man group would understand. 

Donghyuck “behaved” and didn’t let the tears collect in his eyes, knowing that his mother’s hawk-like gaze would always be following him. 

Mark’s best man, his childhood friend, and slightly younger Jeno had come out with a hilarious speech which served much solace to the nerves and panic that had started seeping back into Donghyuck’s veins.

“Oh, Mark. There you are. If both of you wanted alone time, you could have asked somebody.”

Donghyuck glanced at the woman in front of him, petite much like his mother, but with a sort of fragility that he never saw in the cold and calculating face of his mother on the rare occasions he let his eyes meet hers. 

Mark snorted in her face and for a second, Donghyuck was a teenager, laughing sickly sitting at a train station at the terrible joke his life had turned into.

“Really, mom? Do you actually think dad would have let us be?”

The woman laughed then, unfiltered and boisterous, different from his mother’s fake and hushed laughter. He had to keep telling himself that the woman in front of him was nothing like his own sick replication of one and thus, deserved no comparisons with people like her. 

The moon behind her made her look like an ethereal fairy godmother, her slightly frizzy hair standing up like grass in random patches of a newly grown meadow and creating a vague shape of a halo atop her head, even amidst the gallons of hairspray holding it together.

“Marriage doesn’t give you the right to tease me, Lee Minhyung. Donghyuck, keep a leash on this one.”

Donghyuck nodded, mustering up all the happiness he could as he smiled at her. 

Leash. 

A stray thought about how a ring might be the smallest leash mankind had ever developed, waltzed into Donghyuck’s hyperactive brain.They had just tied the greatest invisible leash they would ever be able to put on each other and sealed it with a kiss.

“I will, Mrs.Lee.”

Just as he expected, a long rant about how she demanded to be called “Mom” or “eomma” followed, with Mark giving him embarrassed glances. He simply nodded along, trying to rein in his thoughts which ran wild at the word “eomma”. 

It sickened him that even with his husband and his loving mother-in-law by his side on his wedding eve, all he could seem to focus was on the sharp words and sharper nails of the woman who had monopolized his life. He mentally apologized to Mark, the right words always seeming to fail in making it past his lips.

“This one looks tired. It’s late. Why don’t you head home together?”

Mark’s mother said, her hand ruffling Donghyuck’s hair making him flinch back before he relaxed, the woman’s expression turning to concern before it flickered back as he smiled extra bright at her, hiding years of pain with a well-practiced smile. Mark got up from the bench and nodded at his mother. 

Donghyuck zoned out as her high voice chattered and teased them when Mark went to get his keys from his best man, Jeno.

He felt the extreme discomfort that always accompanied his shaky breaths come on, as he felt someone staring intensely at him. Mark’s mother was giving him a look of understanding before her contemplative glance changed to a fond curve, her eyes fixed on the moonlight streaming in, casting shadows of the extravagant pillars on the polished floor.

“He might not love you now, but he will. I just hope you find it in you to love him back, Donghyuck. I know this is a business deal; one intended to tie two empires together. I know that he wouldn’t have agreed for a wedding had it not been for his father. But what I also like to take pride in knowing is how my son thinks and acts. You just have to be patient.”

Donghyuck flinched back to reality at the genuine words of his husband’s mother. He swallowed audibly and licked his lips, the tension in the air and the turmoil inside drying up the saliva in his mouth.

“I... Hyung told me...He told me about Jaemin.”

He bit back the words that muddled his mind, instead choosing to go with the core point.

“Exactly. He told you about Jaemin. He didn’t want to hide it from you. Honesty works wonders in relationships, Donghyuck.”

Maybe Mark actually wanted to try.

Donghyuck was not going to lie. On countless starless nights in the past two months leading up to the wedding, he had lied awake dreaming about what could be if they actually tried to make it work; if they decided that they both deserved to give each other a shot. It was better than thinking about their relationship as one with iron chains for bonds, a barred cell for a home and pain as the foundation emotion. 

However, he hadn’t let himself hope too much, stopping himself from wishing upon the stars that remained unseen to his misty eyes, knowing that even stars fell from the skies and crumbled to stardust. But maybe they could build their relationship from lacklustre, burnt out stardust, hesitant touches, whispered heart-to-hearts and faith in each other. 

Maybe, both of them deserved a chance.

Donghyuck turned to look at the entrance to the balcony, his ears picking up Mark’s nervous laughter. He got the reason for it soon enough as he watched his hyungs follow his husband who looked oddly tiny; especially next to Jaehyun and Johnny who towered over him with an added few good inches on them. Jeno was tailing the group too and had a panicked expression on his face; something along the lines of “Don’t let them kill my best friend” as he eyed Donghyuck, chin subtly pointing towards the gang.

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

It was an open question. 

Mark’s mother simply patted Donghyuck on his head as she would to a child and grinned, all teeth at her son, a high pitched and teasing “Good luck, son” dissolving in the air in her wake.

“We were just asking Mark to take care of you.”

Doyoung said, voice too uncharacteristically sweet for the younger man to ever consider whatever happened to be just that.

“It’s not fair for the husband to have to drive his husband home on their wedding day. He must be so tired. So we offered our assistance, which he wholeheartedly accepted, didn’t you, Mark?”

Jaehyun said, his usual honey-like drawl transformed into a deep and slightly evil tone. Taeyong and Johnny sported a devious glint in their gazes which told the youngest that his hyungs were up to no good. 

Mark nodded as Johnny repeated his name, smiling nervously at his husband and his best friend. Jeno kept shifting on his feet, and Donghyuck had this inexplicable urge to make the man sit somewhere and give him a glass of water so that he wouldn’t panic so much.

“We’ll drive you home. Okay? Johnny hyung and Doyoung will stay here to take care of the rest.”

The men in question who were staying back stepped forward and hugged him; the action never failing to make his chest warm. Taeyong mumbled something under his breath and looped his hands with Donghyuck, sauntering away with his dongsaeng as Jaehyun did the same with Mark, albeit with a smirk as the other gaped at the taller man.

Jaehyun pulled out of the driveway single-handedly with his other hand holding onto the passenger seat. Mark was silent, staring out at the dark night with the sole illumination being the tubes and fairy lights outside the venue along with the random cars with dimmed head lights. 

It was past midnight and Donghyuck just wanted to go home. 

But home was not his home anymore.

The brown-haired male had tried to move out multiple times from the apartment he shared with Taeyong and Jaehyun, knowing that the pair needed privacy, but they never let him go. Deep inside, the youngest had never really wanted to leave. He assumed that his hyungs were already aware of that. 

Johnny bought an apartment near the law firm where he was a full-time lawyer now. He moved out of Doyoung’s flat too, but a week later, the man had returned to his old flat asking him if he could stay there since he missed them. Doyoung, being the whining, affectionate bunny that he was had sobbed, nodding and shouting out affirmatives like a girl who just got proposed to. The taller man’s apartment remained empty, gathering dust in the middle of the city which thrived on greed and misery veiled beneath spotless suits, expensive leather bags and cars worth millions.

None of those places would be home anymore. Mark’s house which was a thirty-minute drive from the flat Donghyuck shared with Taeyong and Jaehyun would be his home from now. 

Donghyuck’s head felt unusually empty, his hand turning the ring around in circles. 

A souvenir to mark the day of his wedding. 

“Mark” the day of his wedding. 

He laughed mentally at the pun before letting a smile creep on his face as he turned to see what his husband was doing, only to get a curious rise of the other’s eyebrow in response.  
Mark was already looking at him. 

He let a giggle escape as he was reminded of the days he teased Taeyong by using Tumblr quotes which went “When you look at him and he is already looking at you”. The black haired male simply shook his head at the giggle before turning his head to look out the window.

The pair in the front turned to each other with content and relieved smiles, the feeling that their brother was in safe hands scissoring its way into their sceptical thoughts. 

Donghyuck and Mark would have been perfect for each other; had it not been for the situations they met each other in. The gang knew that very well, but considering the situation, they could only cross their fingers and hope for the best for the newlywed couple. There was trepidation for their future in all their minds but saying that out loud and acknowledging it was definitely not the best way to go at the moment. 

Taeyong prayed and hoped with all his might for Donghyuck to someday let the other know everything about him other than the half-truth he had told Mark when they agreed to the wedding. He hoped for Mark to adapt to this change with fresh thoughts and an open heart. 

He had hoped for a lot of things in the past, and not much regarding Donghyuck had been answered with positive responses. He wanted this to be the one thing that would change their dongsaeng’s life. He had already been through too much and sacrificed himself, facing ultimatums left and right, every day bringing a new battle with either his mother or the nightmares she gifted him to be the one to lose it all in the end. 

Donghyuck deserved better. 

Their little group could only help so much with tight hugs, whispered reassurances and movie nights. They were all counting on Mark, contrary to the popular belief which stemmed from the intimidating facades they put on at the sight of the black-haired man.

Taeyong got out of the car to open the gate with the key he had acquired at the beginning of the drive from a sleepy Mark, who was leaning on the window, his eyelids closing unintentionally and jolting open every now and then, gaze unfocused. 

The car finally pulled into a driveway with Korean firs, immaculately trimmed and forest green; the natural shade clearly distinguishable due to the lights on the boundary wall. Donghyuck’s heart stopped for a moment, before it started beating twice as fast, anxiety making his palms sweat and veins clench. He stared at his zoned out and half asleep husband as Jaehyun leaned over the console and poked the other, the younger man flinching to consciousness, nearly hitting his head on the car’s top and letting out laughter that was too loud to be genuine.

Jaehyun got out of the car at the same time Donghyuck did. Mark’s face had lost all colour as he stared at the tail lights that were no longer lit. 

Donghyuck looked to the front of the Lexus to see his silver Aslan, reminding him exactly where his home would be from now on. He remembered Doyoung asking him where his keys were in the morning before they left Taeyong’s apartment. Little had he known that it was to move the piece of metal that was linking his old and new home together.

“Mark?”

Taeyong called out, his voice neutral.

The other didn’t respond to the three calls that followed. In fact, he didn’t respond till Taeyong walked to him and called out his name softly.

“I am sorry. I was just zoned out, Taeyong-ssi.”

The eldest sighed and ran a hand over his face, looking at Jaehyun who nodded at him encouragingly.

“Look, I know this is hard. I realize that this is hard on both of you. We are sorry for acting standoffish with you in the last two months. We just really wanted to know what kind of a person you were and now…now we know. So if you ever need a favour or just..some..someone to talk to, we’re here. You are as much our brother as Donghyuck is. I just..wanted to put that out there.” He sent a concerned look at the married man before continuing, “Call me hyung.”

Mark’s smile wobbled dangerously as he nodded at the other, seemingly in a trance.

“Mark, you okay?”

Taeyong stepped closer to pat the other on the cheek, the worry in Donghyuck’s chest snowballing. He thanked the Gods when the man simply shook his head to snap himself out of the trance, mumbling about how he was running on two hours of sleep for the past two days.

Donghyuck hugged his hyungs before they bid goodbyes in cheerful voices, trying to seem chipper but ending up failing miserably. Jaehyun pried away Taeyong who was holding onto Donghyuck for longer than usual, which was considerably long, since his hugs were already like extended versions of soundtracks, with a mumble of “Baby, we gotta go, okay? They’re tired. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

The youngest stood staring at the headlights which blinded him as the Lexus pulled out of the driveway, his hyungs waving at him with genuine smiles, acting as the catalyst to another session of tears. He sniffled and closed the gate with hands that had finally stabilized for good, Mark leaning on the wall next to the door and watching him closely with half-lidded eyes.

Donghyuck turned towards the house and walked as the door clicked open under his husband’s hands. He entered muttering “It’s gonna be good. Fresh start, Donghyuck” to himself.

Mark waddled over to the dark blue and black checkered couch and collapsed on it, oddly silent. The youngest toed off his shoes at the entrance and fidgeted, looking around the place that was going to be his home, gaze straying back to his unresponsive husband on the couch.

He had hoped that the elder man would show him around, considering the fact that he never came over in the time they knew each other. They had always met at restaurants their parents booked for them, and then proceeded to go to the nearest cafe, drinking coffee silently at times and talking to fill the awkward silences in others. That wasn’t possible with their parents breathing down their necks in lunches and dinners where they talked about the merger and left the young men suffocating and sweating inside uncomfortable suits. 

Visiting each other’s places had not been something they gave enough thought about. Donghyuck’s mother had told him that he was to stay with Mark and just like usual, he hadn’t refused to do what she ordered him to. 

He was comfortable with Mark, that was one thing he was certain about. 

There was no harm done. Really.

However, a few moments passed, time stretching on as the youngest still stood shifting on his feet. 

Should he wake up Mark? Was he actually sleeping? Should he wait for the other to wake up? Where was the kitchen?

“The kitchen is that way.”

Mark pointed with his left hand in the vague direction of the kitchen.

Donghyuck turned wide-eyed to the other.

“You were thinking out loud.”

He said, as a way of explanation.

“Sorry about that. I just… you walked in and… just lied down and I… didn’t know what to do.”

The elder man sat up on the couch and shook his head.

“It’s okay, Donghyuck. I would have woken up with a crick in my neck if you didn't wake me up.”

Mark patted the space next to him on the couch, beckoning the brown-haired male over. Donghyuck loosened the bowtie as he settled down next to his husband. He turned to face the elder to see him already looking back. 

Deja vu hit him like a truck making a small smile curl the corners of his mouth up. Mark raised his eyebrows like he did in the car, his eyes red lined and slightly swollen, making guilt settle in the pit of the younger’s stomach for not having noticed how exhausted the other was.

It was just pure instinct which made him turn completely and undo the wine red bowtie around the other’s neck. Mark flinched back in confusion at the first touch before realizing what the other was doing and promptly relaxed, watching the younger’s deft fingers untie the thin fabric, his brows scrunched together in concentration.

“Thanks.”

He mumbled, eyes still focused on the downturned gaze of the other, his long eyelashes fanning out and casting shadows on his cheek from the dim ceiling lights.

“Johnny hyung and Doyoung hyung brought all your stuff over yesterday.”

Mark suddenly blurted out, breaking the prolonged silence that had fallen over them after the tie was untied and kept on the coffee table.

“I know.”

Donghyuck replied.

Mark mentally banged his head against a wall. Of course, he knew. It was his stuff.

“Should I give you a tour today?”

The youngest smiled at him.

“You are gonna keel over any moment and you want to give me a tour?”

His voice was light, and Mark swore that he could keep listening to the other talk.

“Yeah. Come on.”

He announced, grabbing hold of his hand and speed walking to the kitchen, the other giggling as he followed him. 

The next destination was the study room which was the only room Donghyuck thought was messy. Correction. The embodiment of chaos. 

Mark opened the door, closing it the next moment before Donghyuck opened it again, gasping at the piles of paper and files thrown around haphazardly.

“It’s uh... organized chaos.”

The elder man stuttered out, hands fidgety as his husband looked around the room Mark spent the most time in.

“Sure. Organized like chaos. I am sure it was your intention to keep the”, he picked up a file on the table, squinting at it,”Busan hydro-electric project file next to”, he picked up another file,” fucked-up-ideas-from-the-board file.”

Mark internally face-palmed. The universe really hated him. He didn’t have a particular liking towards the huge stretch of blue and black either.

Take that.

When Donghyuck was finally done looking around, much to Mark’s relief, he took him to the empty guest rooms in the ground floor which didn’t have anything particularly worth seeing except the moonlight filtering in through the glass panelled window in one of them. They went up the stairs slowly, exhausted from the taxing day which drained all the energy out of them.

“Is that my stuff?”

Donghyuck asked as they entered the first room on the first floor, eyeing the bags on the floor next to the mahogany wardrobe.

“Uh..yeah.”

Donghyuck frowned.

“Is this your room?”

He asked.

Mark shook his head in a negative.

“Are you fine with this arrangement?”

The younger asked.

“Not..not really.”

Donghyuck’s eyes spelt relief to Mark at his words.

“Why not?”

Mark knew the answer to that.

“Because we promised to try to make this work. To make us work.”

Donghyuck nodded, sighing as he pushed a hand through his hair, making them fall back on his head as soon as he was done.

“I’ll keep my stuff here but I am not leaving you alone.”

Mark’s heart swelled with thoughts of their lives being potential light pinks and deep reds in their future. Donghyuck went over to his bags and picked up some clothes to change into before shouldering past his husband.

“This is me.”

The black-haired man announced, grateful for having cleaned his room a week back.

“You go change first. I don’t want to be blamed for murder if you fall down and hit your head on the bathroom floor because you fell asleep in the shower.”

The elder man wanted to tell the younger that all the rooms had attached bathrooms, but the look on Donghyuck’s face told him that he already knew that and that he had suggested it out of genuine worry.

“I feel the love. I really do.”

Donghyuck sent him a flying kiss as he opened the bathroom door. Mark snorted at that before stepping into the shower. 

The younger man was a mix of opposites; one moment he was weak and hesitant, the next he was bold and sassy. He was sure that there was a story behind the polar sides. One he hoped that the other would eventually trust him with.

When they were both showered and ready for bed, Donghyuck paused as he sat on his side of the bed. The other man was already asleep, eyelids moving faintly and chest rising and falling to some unknown rhythm. 

The youngest pulled the long sleeves of his t-shirt to his palms and switched off the lamp on his side. He sat up at the realization that both lamps had to be switched off individually. He put one hand on the mattress to steady himself and leaned over his husband, hands straining with the effort as he flipped the switch.

Mark moved under him, letting out a sigh. Donghyuck held his breath, keeping still before finally moving after assuring that the coast was clear.

One of the windows were open, the street lamp and moon collaborating their rays to contribute to the comfortably dim glow over the room. Donghyuck’s mind blanked out as he focused on the breathing of the warm body next to him. His hands unknowingly searched for the ring and turned it around again, sighing in relief and sadness. 

Suddenly, the words of Mark’s mother lurked into his empty mind along with what the other had said just minutes ago.

_We promised to try to make this work._

He lifted his hands from the ring and brought them up to his lips, unable to point out if he was happy that his first kiss was with Mark or disappointed at the possibility that his husband might have done it out of obligation.

“Can I ask you something?”

Mark asked, nearly making the younger’s heart beat out of his chest and fall on the floor, had it not been for the elder’s reflexes.

“Woah! Warn a man, will you, Mark Lee?”

Mark snorted sleepily before nodding, his hands still resting on the other’s waist even after Donghyuck shifted to face the other.

“Hit me with it.”

“Kinky.”

Mark snorted again, gaining a glare from the younger.

“Was our… Was that… your first kiss?”

Was his husband a telepath? Mind reader? He bit back the sarcastic remarks at the tip of his tongue and nodded in response.

Mark’s expression shifted to one of bewilderment.

“You could...Why didn’t you tell me?”

He asked, genuine hurt on his face.

“It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.”

Maybe it was too harsh but that was the truth. If Donghyuck had a choice, he was sure they would have taken it much slower.

“I am sorry. I am sorry that you didn’t have a choice.”

Mark said, deep regret on his face. If only he knew all the choices Donghyuck never had the chance to even consider. It was not the elder’s fault, and he didn’t want his husband to blame himself for something that wasn’t under his control.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung”, he paused to carefully frame the next words, ”The timing could have been a little better but I am glad that it was you.”

Mark raised his hand from his waist and placed it on Donghyuck’s cheek, looking intensely into his eyes as if he was searching for something that said otherwise. He let the corners of his mouth twist up in a faint smile; an apology and a token of gratitude for the younger. Donghyuck mirrored the expression, his cheeks feeling oddly cold as Mark retrieved his hand.

“Good night, Donghyuck.”

“Good night, hyung.” He mumbled out, pulling the covers closer to his chest, his vision taken up by a jet black-haired, lean man who was supposed to be his other half for the rest of his life.

The dreams he had that night were odd; a boy pouring bottles of light pink and deep red paint into a well of black, the first couple of hundreds not making a change in the dark shade. The boy paused at the first hint of diluted black, a slight change but a change all the same as he smiled up at the cloudy sky, the sun’s bright rays piercing through the gaps in the grey storm-harbingers.

***

The next day Mark woke up to an empty bed, the side Donghyuck slept on, frozen cold. His mind immediately went into overdrive, making up the worst possible scenarios. 

Had he freaked the other out yesterday? Was he not willing to try?

He jumped out of bed with newfound vigour stemming from the distress churning his body.

“DONGHYUCK??”

There was no response. 

_Had he really left?_

Mark ran down the stairs, his mobile phone and keys in hand, heart in his throat, not bothering about the ratty sweatpants. He couldn’t have gone too far, he told himself.

_Fuck. He had a car._

He was rushing to the door when he heard sounds from the kitchen, very distinct ones of something sizzling on the pan and clatter of spatula. He walked there on instinct, the situation not registering yet.

“Where are you going dressed like that?”

Donghyuck was standing next to the counter, pancakes sizzling on a pan and french toast on another. The light streamed at just the right angle to make him an inch short of being mistaken for a fairy. 

Mark opened and closed his mouth before walking to the kitchen table and placing the mobile phone and keys on it. He looked at the younger who gave him a raised eyebrow and an amused smile.

“I thought... Nowhere. I am not going anywhere.”

He said, catching himself at the right time. Or so he thought.

Donghyuck frowned and pursed his lips, expertly flipping the pancake as he did so. He turned to pour coffee into a black mug with “Absolutely Fully Capable” on it in white block font, the one he always drank his morning coffee in. He wondered how the younger knew about it, but refrained from asking, chalking it off to his husband’s wonderful guesswork.

The younger pushed the mug to him as he stepped forward to stand on the side of the counter. Just as Mark picked it up and took a sip, Donghyuck dropped his spatula on the floor before leaning down in a hurry to pick it back up.

“Were you thinking… Did you think that I had run away?”

Mark nodded, placing the mug on the counter and letting his gaze slide down to the floor.

“Hyung, I… I could never do that to you. I promised, didn’t I?”

The elder man stared at him in contemplation, his shoulders drooping.

“You did. I am sorry.”

He mumbled out.

“Talk to me next time, okay hyung?”

Mark snorted, grabbing the coffee.

“It’s kind of hard to do that when I am under the delusion that my husband ran away during the night but sure, I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

He said, backing away as the younger waved at him with a spatula and letting out a giggle.

“Are you going to work today?”

Donghyuck asked, setting the plates on the small kitchen dining table.

“No. We have that press conference to attend, remember?”

The younger male clucked his tongue, suddenly remembering about the event.

“It’s in the afternoon though. Maybe you should sleep some more. You look tired.”

Donghyuck said, gaze running over the other’s swollen eyes as he blinked continuously chasing away sleep.

Mark nodded, secretly pleased that the younger was concerned about him before moaning at his first bite of the pancake.

“Fuck. This is so damn good! I didn’t know you cooked.”

He praised, wolfing down the rest of the pancakes as Donghyuck smiled lightly.

_There’s a lot you don’t know about me._

***

Donghyuck closed the door as he got out of the driving seat, head down so as to avoid the hoard of cameras being shoved in his face, something he hated since a very young age. From the corner of his eye, he could see Mark doing the same, gaze resolutely fixed on the concrete parking lot, but with an air of power and authority uncharacteristic of his aura when he was with Donghyuck. 

The elder walked to Donghyuck’s side and grabbed hold of his left hand, leaving an option for the younger to loop them tight if he wanted to, which he accepted without thought.

The security nodded at the couple, closing the glass door as soon as they were inside as their PR Executive, a lanky man with round glasses told the media that the conference isn’t for another hour, and that they should wait in the Conference room in the other building instead of crowding around and “inconveniencing the guests”.

Mark’s parents waved them over as they entered, too enthusiastic for an old couple.

“You clean up well, Donghyuck.”

Mark’s father said, his voice deep and cheerful.

“Honey, you should have said that yesterday.”

Kim Yeri reprimanded, her attire a complete one-eighty from the flowy elegant gown from the day before to a navy pantsuit.

“But I did yesterday too, didn’t I, young man?”

Lee Sooman questioned, the glint in his eye reminding Donghyuck of children with his salt and pepper hair telling him otherwise.

“He did, Mrs.Lee.”

Mark cleared his throat.

“Who was the son again? People keep loving me so much that I think I have the superpower of invisibility now.”

The three laughed at the man who faked a look of dejection, heartwarming at his husband and parents having a light conversation.

“Is he treating you right?”

The owner of Lee Builders and Developers asked his son-in-law, his face conveying concern all of a sudden.

“Yeah.”

Donghyuck breathed out, ears red from the blush that crept up his neck only to find sweet relief in the way his husband’s face had turned completely red too.

He turned when he felt the familiar click of heels, coming face to face with a tight-lipped smile which he was all too familiar with.

“It’s a wonderful afternoon, isn’t it?”

Donghyuck’s mother said, her voice at the perfect decibel and pleasant to the ears but grating to his.

“Park Yoona. Always punctual.”

Mark’s father commented, a polite smile taking up home on his face.

“Good afternoon to you too, Mr.Lee.”

She replied, nodding in acknowledgement at Mark’s mother and smiling sweetly at her son in law.

“We still have time till the conference. Why don’t you go grab some coffee? I need to borrow Donghyuck for a second.”

The Lee family nodded, silently giving their consent and walking away, a few words exchanged between Sooman and Yoona about the merger before they did. Mark noticed the way Donghyuck stood ramrod straight, his eyes and breathing seemingly in a time freeze loop as he took minutes before resuming the actions essential to life.

The black-haired male raised an eyebrow at Donghyuck, the suit-clad boy responding with a shake of his head and a mirthless smile. Mark frowned to himself before writing it off as pressure brought on by the conference.

“It looks like he is treating you too well, Donghyuck.”

Yoona said, her hand clasped gracefully in front of her as she sat down in her office, revamped due to the merger. Donghyuck tried not to tremble under her scrutinizing gaze, his hands fidgety, but thankfully out of her sight due to the huge ebony desk in between them.

“He...I...”

She tapped on the glass placed on the desk with her pointed nails.

“Keep the face up. The media loves it. Remember the first time you went for dinner? I was not pleased that you cancelled the reservation but the ice cream date story was good media coverage. All the times after were jobs well done. The hand holding was just the right amount of PDA. I assume Mark is a man with a vision. That’s good. It’s sad to see him paired up with a piece of useless trash like you, but caring about others isn’t our business. This is a huge deal, Donghyuck. Don’t mess this up.”

Donghyuck nodded, remembering the date where Mark called off the dinner reservation two minutes after he settled down opposite him when he saw the panicked face of the younger. The brown-haired male had known then that the man was at least a good human being, which was the least he could ask for. When he asked if he liked ice cream, Donghyuck had nodded madly, desperate to get out of the stuffy air of the restaurant even if he was never especially fond of the creamy dessert. 

Donghyuck was cold and when the elder man offered his warm hands, he had accepted. By the time the night got over, they were a couple of steps closer to each other. 

What they didn’t see coming was tabloids printing pictures of them holding hands and walking through the bright streets of Seoul; hailing their budding business deal by giving their non-existent relationship the title of “The Next Power Couple”. Their later public appearances and dates were carefully planned by the PR departments in collaboration with their parents who found the media attention amusing and beneficial to the merger when it would finally happen.

“Let him take the lead. Do not, at any point, show any signs of annoyance or anger. I do not care about your relationship, so don’t bother letting me know about it. I don’t care if he beats you up, so even if he does something like that, you get up, cake your worthless face with concealer and smile at him if that’s what will help the sales reach an all-time high. It’s not like you are of any use, otherwise. We are not short on anything but there is no harm in a couple of thousand rise in stocks.This is your first chance at being able to do something for your father’s company. I hope you do it right. I think you know what’s at stake or rather who all.”

Always threatening. 

The smirk on her face seemed never-ending. 

Donghyuck thanked the Almighty above for giving him a man like Mark whom he was sure would never consider their marriage a business deal. In the midst of the pressure from his father after Jaemin, Mark had been unwilling to go on a date with him but he had bent considering the merger. After their first meeting, however, they had decided that they would try, Mark seeing no harm in marrying someone like Donghyuck, and the youngest calming down at the prospect of marrying the other since he was sure that Mark was the closest he would get to having a normal husband. 

Maybe that was too selfish but it wasn't like he had a choice anyway. 

He wasn’t sure about love but he was certain about friendship. The other had been too. 

That was the only assurance they needed to give Mark’s parents the affirmative. Donghyuck’s mother didn’t count since she never asked; she always told. 

All he could think about then had been the safety of the four men who meant the most to him, who took care of him and loved him when the person who was supposed to do all that malfunctioned with major programming errors.

“Am I clear, Donghyuck?”

He nodded, mind suddenly stacking up pictures of Taeyong who lied on the hospital bed like a broken porcelain doll, a beaten up but healing Jaehyun at his side and kissing his hand. He would never choose to have a choice at the cost of his brothers’ lives.

“Crystal.”

He said, voice steel.

“Remember to behave.”

He nodded.

“You may leave.”

He turned on his heel and left the room, fists finally unclenching, revealing small crescents inside his palms which welled up with blood. He winced at the stinging pain, walking to the water purifier on the floor and picking up tissues from the tissue dispenser on its side, rubbing at the blood which kept rising to the surface. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket, his left hand crumpling the thin blood stained sheets into balls and throwing them in the dustbin, and the other picking up the phone from his pocket.

“Hyung?”

He answered, clearing his throat to clear the clog in his voice.

“I am coming… She just wanted to ask me about how things were going… Give me 5… I’ll be there.”

***

After the conference was over and the media sated, for the time being, Mark was the first one to get up from the panel. Donghyuck let himself be dragged by his husband, noticing that the elder was fidgety and unfocused from the second half of the conference. 

He tried not to grimace at the pain in his palms as they rushed their goodbyes, leaving their parents to deal with the shareholders and associates from big confederations.

When they reached the car, Mark’s chest was heaving from the fast pace he adapted to get from the conference room to the parking lot. He let his white-knuckled grip on Donghyuck’s hand loosen, only for the other to wince at the move, failing to hold the small sound inside.

“What happ..”

Mark trailed off, his eyes finally regarding his hand and the trails of liquid he had wrongly assumed as being sweat.

He grabbed the other’s hands delicately, gaze flicking between Donghyuck’s face and his hands, eyeing the crescent-shaped mark of his nails on his soft palms and the blood which covered it.

“I am sorry. Oh God… I… am… I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to... I didn’t even notice… I thought it was just sweat… I should have checked… Please don’t hate me... You should have told me I was gripping too tight...Does it hurt? I swear I didn’t...”

Donghyuck stopped the elder from his rambling with a violent shake of his head.

“It’s okay, hyung. I noticed that you were off during the conference. I know you wouldn’t have done it intentionally. I just got nervous seeing all the cameras. They’ll heal, alright?”

Mark asked for the keys and opened the car, taking out the wet wipes he knew were in the glove compartment from the one time Donghyuck dropped him home after their date. He gingerly pressed the soft material against the wounds, wiping the blood from both their hands.

“I’ll drive.”

Mark declared, shutting out all forms of rejection even before Donghyuck voiced them.

He opened the door for the younger man, buckling the seat belt carefully over his thin frame, shutting the door softly and getting into the driving seat.

“You didn’t ask but he was there. That’s why I was slightly zoned out.”

Donghyuck didn’t need to be told who “he” was. His conscience panged as Mark once again proved to be the honest one in their relationship. 

Donghyuck wasn’t outright lying but he was lying by omission, and that was just as bad as doing so directly. He couldn’t imagine what the other’s reaction would be, if and when he told him everything. 

If he ever reached that point, that is.

***

Driving through Seoul’s main streets, Mark suggested that they get takeout for dinner, promptly stopping the car in front of the restaurant Donghyuck frequented with his four-man clique. A wave of affection rushed in as he realized that Mark cared enough to remember. It was just a small detail he mentioned in passing during one of their dates. 

The elder man returned with two bags of hot takeout and grinned at Donghyuck at the younger’s fond expression.

“If food gets you to look at me like that, I will ask dad to get me a restaurant license so you’ll look at me like that all the time.”

Donghyuck giggled and teased him for being a “cheesy geezer”.

With Mark, it was so easy to believe that they were in love even when they weren’t. 

Maybe Mark’s mother was right. Maybe they could be good for each other. Maybe they were already on the way to being just that.

He hadn’t expected for his husband to rush to the first floor to get the first aid kit as soon as he dumped the takeout bags on the table. Donghyuck stood, completely stunned at the worry characteristic of Taeyong and Doyoung making an appearance in Mark.

The other came down sprinting and gestured towards the couch where Donghyuck sat down, their positions reminiscent of the night before but both of them wide awake and not half asleep.

“It isn’t a big deal, hyung.”

Mark gave him a scandalized look in clear denial of the statement.

“It is. I abandoned all sense after one glance at him. This happened because of that. You’re hurting even more because of me. I should have paid better attention.”

Donghyuck sighed in resignation. He knew a losing battle when he saw one and Mark was an experienced warrior. 

His mother was one too, but she always cryo froze her opponents like the ruthless woman she was. Her words from the afternoon threatened to make a replay in his mental television, and he tried to focus on the prominent blue and green mapped out on the other’s lithe hands.

The other carefully stuck a line of band-aids in his palm, making Donghyuck feel like a kid again, minus the dark parts. Mark tilted his head and murmured an “All done.”

They had both somehow ended up eating their dinner watching “Captain America: Civil War” which Mark owned on Blu Ray. They sat side by side, shoving food into their mouths when the doorbell rang.

Mark wiped his mouth with his grey t-shirt sleeve and walked to the door to open it. Jeno stormed into the house, stopping at seeing Donghyuck who smiled at him sweetly from the couch in his cream sweater and black sweatpants.

“Ugh!! Why do you always get the good looking ones?”

He whined, features contorting cutely into a pout.

Mark laughed, plopping down next to his husband.

“Are you having your mid twenty crisis?”

Jeno grinned, all picture perfect at Donghyuck, ignoring Mark’s question.

“Do you mind getting off the couch for a second, Donghyuck?”

He asked, an earnest expression on his kind face.

Donghyuck nodded and got up, a flash of yellow and blue leaping on his husband seconds later. He laughed at Jeno and Mark who were wrestling on the ground yelling profanities at each other.

“YES FUCKER!! I AM HAVING MY MID-TWENTY CRISIS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY BIGGEST REGRET IS?”

Mark rolled over, attempting to get up when the other man pulled him down by his ankle.

“I SPENT HALF OF IT SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!”

Mark laughed, as if it was an everyday occurrence to lie on the ground while your best friend who was also your best man at your wedding yelled at you.

“You don’t mean that, Lee Jeno.”

The other man sighed in defeat, and Donghyuck swallowed down the increasing urge to laugh at the both of them for acting like children.

“I don’t. Fuck you, Mark Lee, for knowing me so well.”

Mark sat up and facepalmed, asking Jeno to show some manners in front of his husband causing the other man to jump into another rant entirely made up of swear words every other second.

Jeno got up and took a deep breath, extending a hand to Donghyuck calmly as if he wasn’t just screaming at Mark, an innocent smile on his face.

“Lee Jeno at your service.”

Mark snorted, getting up and dusting his clothes.

“Don’t act like you haven’t met him yet, moron.”

He said.

“Okay, stuck up prick.”

Donghyuck simply smiled at the other, choosing to stay neutral in the best friend spat.

Jeno settled down on the single seater sofa and groaned out loud. The elder man sat on the couch, looking at Donghyuck, silently motioning for him to sit next to him.

“To what do I owe this pleasure, your Majesty?”

Mark asked, putting his most patronizing voice he reserved especially for conversations with his best friend.

“This ungrateful prick who is also my best friend left his car at the parking lot of the one hotel he doesn’t own in the city and so, me being the best friend and supremely nice human being that I am, drove it home for him.”

The ungrateful prick in question grimaced audibly.

“I forgot about it.”

Jeno cackled before schooling his expression into one of utter seriousness.

“Of course you did. You own four cars. What could possibly be different about losing one?”

The man turned to face Donghyuck and gave him a look of contemplation.

“We must stand together in times of crisis similar to this. His morality is degrading fast. His psyche is deteriorating. His narcissism is at an all-time high. His pride and greed for money know no bounds and I refuse to watch my piece of shit best friend turn himself into nothing.”

He dramatically clutched his heart and leaned back on the couch making the couple burst out laughing at his antics.

“Your tall hyung, Jason? Jeffrey? Johnny. Man! He intimidated the heck outta me yesterday. Dude had to be literally pulled back by the other lawyer guy when I got uncomfortable at his constant questioning. Are you sure he didn’t train to be a cop or get a diploma in interrogation or something?”

Donghyuck chuckled at the thought of Johnny, the giant hovering over Jeno, the cherry and sending evil glances.

“Yeah. He is harmless, really. Just a tad bit protective.”

Donghyuck said, lying through his teeth to reassure the younger. There was a reason why Johnny was the official brawler of their little group; he was the ace in verbal and physical fights. Most people lost it at the first level because if his gaze was sharp like a knife, his tongue was even more so.

“Anyway, you guys carry on with your dinner date. I am gonna go eat a lonely dinner at my bachelor pad.”

The couple coloured matching shades of red at “dinner date”, Donghyuck regaining enough sense back to invite the other for dinner which Jeno rejected with a heartfelt smile saying he was just kidding. Donghyuck gained reassurance only when Mark nodded at him, mouthing “He’ll be fine” at him. 

The black-haired male hugged his slightly shorter friend who handed him the keys to his car. Mark walked to the door and sent him off, tenderly smiling at the man as the cab he called honked loudly in front of the gate.

“How long have you guys known each other for?”

Donghyuck asked as Mark locked the door, the click sound confirming it.

“We met when he was 10 and I was 11.”

The youngest hummed, snapping his attention to the movie when Mark resumed it.

“You know, Jaemin hated this...”

Mark snapped his mouth shut as his tongue betrayed him.

The brown-haired male’s expression fell as soon as the words, especially the name, processed in his head.

“I just keep on fucking this up.”

Donghyuck shook his head.

“You can’t help that you were in love, hyung. I understand that. You don’t have to tiptoe around me. You saw him today after three months. Your mind is inclined to mess up. You’ve been apologizing to me since morning. Stop doing that.”

Mark nodded, one hand pulling the younger closer with an arm around his narrow shoulders, placing his chin on the mop of brown hair. Donghyuck inhaled the scent of musk and forest emanating from the lean man, pleading for his thoughts to be optimistic as it ventured to dangerous territories which spiralled into the black hole of self-hatred.

***

“I’ll pick you up in the evening, okay? We’ll go shopping.”

Mark said, driving away after waving at Donghyuck. It was their fourth week as a married couple, just a few more days till the month closed in on them. They had been alternating the carpooling schedule.

They were slowly falling into step with each other, filling out the spaces that were left after two months worth of interaction and meet-ups. Donghyuck and Mark were good observers; the very skill helping them understand each other better as they learned their other half’s pet peeves and interests, putting in sincere efforts to keep their vows.

When the lunch break began, Donghyuck leaned back in the chair and stretched his arms. One of his meetings with a potential client had gotten cancelled and that meant that he was free until 4. 

His mother had gone on a business trip to Los Angeles and he felt like he could finally breathe in his cabin without being constantly watched by her. He sighed in relief at the thought that she wouldn't return to this office again, the merger had made sure of that. She would be in Gyeongju until something urgent came up. 

He held his phone to his ear, head tilted to one side and fingers drumming on the table.

Taeyong picked up on the second ring.

“Hyuck, what is it? Is something wrong?”

His deep voice verged on borderline panic mode.

“Hyung, everything is fine. I called just to talk.”

He breathed out, a grin painting his face.

The other sighed, deeply relieved, before hearing him repeat the same in reported speech to someone else.

“Are you at home?”

There was the sound of the phone changing hands and Taeyong’s loud whining of “Jae, let me talk to Hyuck” before Jaehyun spoke into the phone.

“He is. How’s little Hyuckie doing?”

Donghyuck smiled as the smooth baritone of his hyung came through clearly.

“I am good, hyung. How are you? Why are you at home?”

He asked, leaning forward in his chair and shutting down the laptop, looking at the rotating ellipse.

“We’re good. You ask as if we didn’t talk just two days ago”, Jaehyun snickered, “Anyway, your whiny hyung decided to stay up late finishing up his new project demo, and I was busy playing ideal boyfriend by staying up with him. He emailed the demo in the morning and didn’t wake me up. So I called in sick.”

Donghyuck chuckled. He could imagine Taeyong looking at Jaehyun’s sleeping form and not being to able to resist a potential cuddle, mind running with thoughts of “Fuck work!” It was just so them that he couldn’t help the adoration rushing through his blood.

“Of course you did that. I am free till 4. I was wondering if we could grab lunch at our usual.”

He heard the sound of several keys pressing in succession before the air that came in with a speakerphone call made an appearance.

“Hell yeah! We’ll come pick you up. Be there in twenty, Hyuckie.”

There were loud noises from the other side with Taeyong yelling, “Oh no you didn’t, you barbarian! You did not just drop my BABY!!” and Jaehyun squeaking out, “Hyung, it’s a PHONE, NOT a BABY.”

Donghyuck hung up, smiling to himself.

He contemplated calling Mark to see what the other was doing, but refrained from doing so at the last moment. 

Maybe he was busy. They were going to see each other in the evening anyway.

A good twenty minutes later, his phone’s notification went off alerting him of the others’ arrival. He walked out of the cabin, smiling at the receptionist who was too full of energy for the afternoon as he grinned, all teeth and his elven ears sticking out.

“Hop on, Barbie.”

Jaehyun said as soon as Donghyuck knocked on the window, Taeyong slapping his boyfriend on the shoulder and lecturing him on how gender roles were overrated, and that he didn’t want a boyfriend who didn’t understand this huge “social issue”. 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes because he was pretty sure that his hyung would love the man even if he were a hipster dancing Zumba on the streets of France with dreadlocks on his head.

He laughed to himself at the imagery as the couple bickered with each other, Jaehyun surrendering with an “I love you, Taeyongie but this is madness. I surrender. You win.”

The elder preened at that and mumbled about how he “always knew that he was the one.”

Donghyuck had called up Doyoung too, but the elder said that he was in court with Johnny, promising to make up for it later. He had gone to a lunch with the lawyer duo the previous week. Taeyong and Jaehyun had both been busy with work then and were unable to make it. 

At least, now the pair wouldn’t fight about who got to see him more since the score was evened out.

“The usual.”

Taeyong said to their usual waiter, Seungkwan, a cheerful man who always looked way too excited to be waiting tables. The trio waddled to the corner table with six chairs that they usually sat at. 

Taeyong poured water into the glasses and took a sip, Jaehyun doing the same as Donghyuck watched them from the opposite side of the table.

“A birdie at the firm said that I was in consideration for the senior architect post since Jiwon hyung is leaving for the New York branch next month.”

Taeyong spoke up, eyes shining brightly.

“Hyung, that’s awesome. If the birdie is Hanbin hyung, then it’s a promotion for sure.”

Donghyuck happily remarked, clapping his hands loudly gaining the attention of the other occupants before they went back to their business.

“The birdie was Hanbin.”

The conversation ventured into light-hearted territories of how Jaehyun killed the sunflower plant during the two-day Ilsan field trip Taeyong had gone on, by forgetting to water it. 

In other news, Doyoung had been cleaning the apartment two days back and had found a birthday card as well as a digital camera along with a blue and white patterned knitted turtleneck under Johnny’s bed. The elder man had apparently dropped the coffee mug as he saw the shorter man walking out of his room with it. 

Donghyuck remembered that Johnny had apologized to Doyoung for not getting him a gift last year. The story had not made sense to him because he distinctly remembered answering the taller when he asked Doyoung’s birthdate.

So two days back, when Taeyong opened the door to a panicked Johnny who told him “Doyoungie is crying. He isn’t stopping. He keeps throwing pillows at me”, the elder had gone into mom mode only to realize that he was disappointed with Johnny for not being upfront about the gift thing.

The group had an idea as to what else Doyoung had a problem with, but it wasn’t their place to tell. If they continued to insist on being blind, then the trio took an executive decision that they would just have to stage an intervention via a small kidnapping prank. 

Donghyuck snorted at the mental image.

His phone vibrated on the table, a smile finding its way on his face.

“It’s Mark hyung.”

He said, as if that would explain the look on his face to his hyungs, accepting the call and placing the sleek device against his ear. Taeyong noticed the way he crumpled and uncrumpled the tissue in his hands, and gestured at the action to Jaehyun with his eyes. 

The market analyst chuckled making Taeyong shush him with a finger.

“Hyung, do you mind if Mark hyung joins us?”

The pair granted their permission with smiles on their faces and happiness gushing in their hearts as they nodded at the younger.

“You should have called him before you called us, Donghyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck shifted in his seat at Taeyong’s words.

“I didn’t want to disturb him… I completely forgot the fact that the client meeting which got cancelled was supposed to be done with a senior officer from Lee Builders. I didn’t think that hyung was the one meant to come.”

Jaehyun facepalmed.

“He said he just came to know about the cancelled meeting and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him.”

Taeyong cooed, leaning forward to pinch Donghyuck’s cheeks as the other blushed at the thought of his husband calling him the moment he knew he was free.

“Aww... Markie-poo likes Donghyuckie.”

He singsonged. Jaehyun groaned in embarrassment as Donghyuck put the menu on his face to stop Taeyong’s hands from attacking his cheeks again. They beckoned the waiter over and asked him to delay the food as they waited for Mark.

About fifteen minutes later, which was worryingly fast for a man to drive from inner Seoul to the city’s crowded part where the restaurant was situated, Mark shrugged off his jacket as he simultaneously bowed at the elder couple. 

He smiled at Donghyuck and apologized for being late, Taeyong proceeding to chew out the male saying that he should always put safety first and that they would have waited for him no matter how long. Mark listened attentively, grimacing when Taeyong said, “A few minutes saved is nothing in comparison if you lose a lifetime.”

The lunch hadn’t been a disaster, not that anyone expected it to be. Donghyuck felt delighted as he watched his hyungs listen carefully, completely enraptured in Mark’s story about that time Jeno stood him up at a club during high school which he had entered with a fake ID. When he said that he had to leave through the back door after the bouncer started to look for the “blonde middle-schooler”, the couple cackled loudly turning some heads in the restaurant. 

A month before, the same lunch would have been a staring match as Mark fidgeted next to Donghyuck. The fast improvement was a welcome sight to his weak heart.

Mark was knitting himself into the fabric of Donghyuck’s life oh-so-delicately, with commendable precision and affection that it left his jaw hanging open in awe. 

He wondered if the other felt the same way about him. 

He hoped he did. 

Even if he didn’t, Donghyuck decided that he would just have to try a bit harder. 

That’s what they promised to themselves, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading..Please comment and if you liked it, leave kudos, otherwise, have a good day.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update.. I love you guys..

People around him liked to think that Mark Lee was an absent minded man, indifferent to everything except his business deals and meetings. You see, if he was as absent minded and indifferent as people thought he was, then he would never have observed this particular detail of their opinions about him, having failed to differentiate between the facades. 

However, his father was a brilliant man and had taught him to never care about what the conceited staff of their company said in their condescending tones under their breaths as he flipped through the meticulously done presentation with the obnoxiously loud clicker in his hand. 

That was it, though. 

Mark paid attention. 

In the business world, you never achieved anything without analysing and cross referencing, and double checking every single move you made as well as the opposition’s defence against it. 

It was not just in numbers and stocks that the attention was demanded. You had to scrutinize even the way your client stood while talking to you, smiling at them as you regard the way they hold themselves, the dilation and constriction of their pupils, the authenticity of their smiles, each minute detail before you arrived at a conclusion. In that field, he was nothing short of Sherlock Holmes. 

The problem, however, poked its head up when you failed to turn that part of your brain off even when you talk to family or friends.

At the end of the day, Mark paid attention. 

Mark noticed things.

Mark knew something was wrong. 

Terrifyingly and alarmingly wrong, and Mark worried. 

But what he also knew was that there was nothing he could do except wait for Donghyuck to talk to him about it. So, when he heard his husband struggle with sleep or mutter out incoherent words which he later recognized as being pleas for help, he waited. 

He never acknowledged the existence of the obvious nightmares that made Donghyuck curl into a ball and wet his pillow with tears before he flipped the sides so Mark would never notice. 

He laid still and feigned sleep when his other half cried his heart out, always silent as if he was used to crying like that. 

The black-haired male was certain that if someone asked him, he would be able to pick out the exact beat and rhythm of Donghyuck’s breathing when he cried at night. He wanted to reach out but that meant a confrontation about a problem the younger man obviously didn’t want him to know the existence of.

It didn’t happen every day. 

Some nights, Mark woke up to the beautiful golden skin of his husband, his eyelashes long and thick, fanning out on his cheek, making him look delightfully irresistible and artistic from the stray rays of moonshine that found its way in through the window they always forgot to close. Those nights, Mark laid awake letting his gaze rake over the other’s face, committing it to memory so that he could always remember what perfection looked like. 

Those nights, he found solace and relief in the way the other’s breaths were steady and deep, eyelids fluttering once in awhile, a vagrant piece of a dream drifting to the sleeping boy’s mind before the angels kicked it away. 

But on others, he would look at the other male and desperately hope for him to wake up, praying for his escape from the anarchy of his dreams. 

Some days, it lasted for seconds, some days minutes before Donghyuck woke up, gasping for air like a fish out of water in the worst interpretation of the usage. Then, saline soaked through pillows and Mark’s heart, draining away all the moisture in his body in exchange for stuttered breaths and the empty helplessness he felt every single time.

So when after three months of shaky but certain steps towards a relationship which was forced on them, Mark felt his husband struggle on the bed, he waited for it to tide over. 

But it didn’t. 

When Donghyuck’s breaths stuttered more than usual and stopped altogether for some terrifying seconds, he opened his eyes, declaring an end to his months worth of silence because losing the other man was something he would never choose over anything; not even the possibility of an unwilling confrontation.

“Donghyuck?? Hyuck?? Wake up! Breathe... Hyuck!”

Three repetitions. 

Mark panicked, tears flowing of their own volition, looking down at the clenched fists of his brown-haired husband. One more desperate call later, Donghyuck’s eyes shot wide open, brimming with tears as he stared up at his husband whose face was glistening, cheeks wet. 

Mark breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Hyuck, breathe...”

He said, finally straightening up and staring down with concern at the younger who choked on his breath. Mark retrieved the hand he had placed on the side of the other as Donghyuck coughed, face ashen.

“Hyung...”

It was just a simple word. The emotions in it tore through Mark’s chest, questioning him of what he would have done if he was to never listen to the soft voice of the other. 

Sleep apnea killed thousands of people every year.

“Come here.”

Mark choked out, arms wide open for the younger whose breathing was still stabilizing and for the next few minutes, he sat there holding a lapful of a stressed and scared twenty-four year old, croaking out words of praise and encouragement as the other lulled his breathing to normal. He felt the tears soak the side of his neck and collarbone as the hot puffs of air from the younger boy reminded him that the other was breathing.

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

He asked, leaving options for the other through an open question.

Donghyuck shook his head in a negative against his chest and Mark told himself to be patient, to be satisfied with the fact that he trusted him enough to let him hold him through nights like these.

“It’s just a nightmare.”

_One that caused you to stop breathing?_

Mark didn’t ask. 

Instead, he waited for the other to let go. As soon as he did, minutes later, Mark let his fingers find the smaller ones of the younger in the dark and looped them together. 

Donghyuck stared at him in the dim light cast by the moon, only the edges of his face visible in the angle they sat in. Mark got off the bed and pulled the younger up, a hand firm but soft holding his wrist, walking to the table and letting his other hand grope around for the keys to his car, not daring to put the light on because they both needed the time to settle down.

“Hyung?”

Donghyuck called out, puzzled expression unclear to Mark.

“Let’s go eat some ice cream.”

The younger would have laughed at the suggestion but he knew that this was Mark’s way of dealing with things. The single declaration spoke volumes to Donghyuck about the extent of Mark’s knowledge about his secret. He definitely wasn’t aware of the details but his husband knew something was wrong. 

Donghyuck realized that the other had known for a while but in the tired expression on his face, he also saw that he would wait, for as long as he was asked to. 

Mark settled into the driving seat, heaving a breath before smiling at his husband, leaning over to wipe the other’s cheeks with both his hands.

That night they dipped matching spoons into the creamy and sweet delicacy served in dessert glasses with no actual interest until Mark took up his spoon and dipped it into Donghyuck’s causing a loud clanking sound to echo through the walls of the twenty-four-hour ice cream parlour. They looked at each other for a brief moment, tear tracks faded and chuckled, gaining unimpressed looks from the young server, who hovered over his piles of notes, brows knitted in concentration. 

They ordered again, much to the displeasure of the young man behind the counter who glared at them as Mark ranted another order of six bowls of different flavours of ice cream. When the elder man leaned back in his chair and said that he was drunk on ice cream, Donghyuck chuckled, both at the expression on the other’s face and because of his joy stemming from the universe for fucking up at fucking up his married life. 

When Mark pulled him close to his chest and sighed into his hair with dawn hot on their tails, Donghyuck’s thoughts once again strayed to the zone where the universe failed and even with the fact that he could have died that night along with remnants of a particularly bad memory, he fell asleep dreaming of jet black hair, the scent of musk and the forest invading his senses. 

Much later, when Mark finally calmed down enough to close his eyes, he dreamt about throwing ropes at a certain brown-haired male from the top of the cliff and saw himself grinning as the other caught hold of the white thick material; hope wafting in like the rays of dawn.

***

“Woah!”

_Calm thyself, Mark._

The words in Mark’s mouth died an unheroic death as his phone slipped from his hand and fell on the ground, his eyes landing on his husband who looked very different. 

Very, very different with hair a shade lighter than the usual brown and perfectly kohl-rimmed eyes, the smoky eye makeup successfully making the other look drop dead gorgeous, not that he didn’t look like that on a daily basis.

“Hyung, you’re staring.”

Taeyong chuckled at Mark as he heard Donghyuck call him out publicly for staring, the hairdresser rolling her eyes at the man who shook with the force of his laughter.

“Yeah yeah, Mark. You’re staring and drooling and looking like a complete idiot.”

Jaehyun provided helpfully from the black haired male’s other side.

“I… You look… wow...” _You look gorgeous? Beautiful?_

Mark opened and closed his mouth a few times before getting up from his chair and walking to the brown-haired male who shifted on his feet. 

Lost in his world where only him and Donghyuck existed, he lifted his hand up and touched the soft and freshly coloured hair of his husband. Donghyuck stared up at the elder man, gentle gaze roving the plains of Mark’s face.

“Does it look alright? The eyes… don’t you think it’s a bit much?”

Mark shook his head firmly, giving the other an incredulous look at the hesitation clear as day.

“Hyuck, you look beautiful… and I mean very... beautiful.”

Donghyuck flushed under the way Mark’s gaze lingered near his eye area.

“So… was I not beautiful enough in the morning?”

Mark choked on his spit at the question, ignoring the teasing look on the younger’s face.

“Not like that. You look beautiful all the time. I find you beautiful when you fall asleep reading a book and when you cook bulgogi for me and when you drive and when you are sick and tired and when you...”

“Okay, Mark. We get it. You think Donghyuck is beautiful. If you keep saying gag worthy lines like that I will fling myself off that window.” Taeyong accentuated his statement with his thumb, “Do us all a favour and would you please get a room which isn’t a place where twenty other people are getting their hair and makeup done?”

Taeyong cut Mark’s embarrassing rant off with a high pitched cackle followed by hypocritical words of wisdom. 

The man in question nodded, laughing awkwardly and scratching at the back of his neck, a sheepish look finding asylum on his face, his ears deep pink. He contemplated calling the other out for not practising what he preached, but didn’t as he told himself to remember the incident in the evening.

“You guys go home and get ready. I’ll call you when we leave. We live close to the club anyway.”

Jaehyun said, silently seeking the permission of his boyfriend who nodded at him as he turned his head to the married pair.

“Will Yuta hyung come too?”

Donghyuck asked, shrugging into his black coat.

“Johnny hyung said he’ll be there but you know him. He is a master at dodging social events.”

Donghyuck snorted at the thought of the Japanese male in question pulling up the covers of his bed and sleeping soundly at the cost of a night out with his friends. Mark gave him a fond look and looped their fingers together, their free hands waving at the pair getting their hair done next to each other.

***

“Do we really have to play dress up for this stupid party?”

Mark asked, nearly pulling his hair out in frustration as he chucked another turtleneck to the bed, Donghyuck leaning back and lying on it, sighing softly every now and then at the feel of soft clothes under his back. The elder man looked back after the window for answering the question closed, and all he wanted to do was roll Donghyuck up in a blanket and keep him safe.

“We kinda have to. The Kims are going to expect us. Minseok hyung will notice if we don’t go. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have agreed to this atrocity on my face.”

Donghyuck said, voice droning on but mind somewhere else. Mark noticed and walked to the bed, lying down next to the other on the uneven pile of clothes.The younger man turned to face just as Mark did too, their gazes meeting with the soft expressions on each other’s faces.

“You alright?”

Mark asked, searching; _always_ searching for a clue or an opening to file away in his thoughts so he could piece together a puzzle he knew that the younger man didn’t want him to. 

Donghyuck nodded, scooting closer to the elder male and sighing into his chest. Mark’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest at the proximity and he felt Donghyuck smile against the thin fabric of the worn t-shirt.

“What?”

He asked, curious about what could have possibly made the boy lost in thought just a few seconds ago smile and hide his face in his chest. The younger boy smiled more and pulled back, Mark immediately regretting the question, not having foreseen the loss of contact.

“Your heart is beating like a bass drum in a marathon.”

Mark stared wide eyed at the other before he schooled his expression to a smirk.

“Oh yeah? You’re telling me that yours doesn’t?”

He teased, placing his hand against the warm chest of the other, the small strain of doubt immediately finding its way to the river of happiness and diluting itself at the touch.

“That’s a pretty fast one you’ve got there.”

Mark said, the smirk growing into a grin at the way Donghyuck put both his hands up and covered his face with them. The elder man rolled on the bed and laughed at the other’s obvious embarrassment, leaping up in pain at something that jabbed his hip bone through his soft sweatpants. 

Donghyuck jumped at the groan. The elder stared down at the offending metal button of his blue wash jeans. The brown-haired boy looked back and forth between the bed and his husband, finally settling on cackling and shouting out about how even Mark’s jeans buttons loved him enough to come to his defence, making the elder man chase him down the stairs, with a “Yah! Respect your hyung!”

“Okay... Okay... TRUCE! No more. We gotta get ready, hyung. If I ruin the makeup, Taeyong hyung will slice me into pieces, then grill it and serve it to Jaehyun hyung as a “Korean delicacy”.”

The younger yelled out, breathless as he walked back to a very red Mark who was slowly approaching him. _A very red mark, ha!_

The elder man paused in his way as his phone rang from in between the layers of clothes on the bed. He changed course and grabbed the phone, swiping at it to accept the call.

“Uh… Hyung… Hyu… I...”

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow at the stuttering. Mark put a hand to cover the mic and mouthed “Doyoung hyung”.

“Yeah. Okay, Hyung. We’ll be there in an hour.”

Donghyuck laughed at the high pitched nagging audible to him even through the phone and clutched his stomach as he rolled on the bed, Mark glaring daggers at him.

“HYUNG! Calm down! We’ll be there.”

He hung up, cutting off another rant midway.

“We have an hour.”

He said, out loud before whining out, “I don’t want to.”

“Oh, get up, you big baby. I’ll pick an outfit for you.”

Mark fist bumped mentally.

A few minutes later, Mark was dressed up in a black jeans jacket with a grey Henley underneath paired up with black slim fit jeans and leather boots. His hair was styled to the side with a whole lot of effort on the younger boy’s side. It made him feel a bit useless for some moment until the warmth Donghyuck’s proximity brought caused him to digress from that line of thought.

“All done.”

The younger man squeaked out, high voice cracking, causing him to break out into giggles at himself.

“You clean up nice, Mark Lee.”

Mark’s chest expanded with pride. His phone rang again, and he glanced at it to see that it was his secretary from office. The dapper man gestured at Donghyuck to get ready as he pulled the door ajar with one hand, the other hand gripping the phone, and voice suddenly deep and authoritative.

Donghyuck sighed in exasperation at the change that Mark always displayed whenever matters concerning business or the company made an appearance. He shook his head as he eyed the outfit on the bed.

There was a knock on the door a few minutes before Mark entered. His gaze immediately went widescreen as he saw his husband clicking the hook of his black choker closed. 

Donghyuck was dressed similarly, a blue denim jacket over a charcoal henley, black jeans and black boots. The choker and the eyemakeup made him look edgy, and Mark, honest to God, forgot how to breathe for a second. They looked like they shopped at a couple wardrobe and he didn't mind it one bit. 

Mark chuckled internally at the memory of buying the jackets on a stroll around the mall. They had gone for getting boots and ended up shopping a truckload of clothes, all thanks to Taeyong who turned into a fashionista and well backed up by Doyoung. 

Looking at Donghyuck now, he jotted down a mental reminder to ask Taeyong to tag along whenever they went shopping. He quickly erased the thought at the picture of an army of testosterone droning out his alone time with Donghyuck. 

Hell no.

“Done staring?”

Donghyuck asked, a teasing smile on his face as Mark's eyes travelled down to the choker which sat snug against the other’s beautifully tanned skin.

“Not really.”

Mark answered truthfully, giving the younger another exaggerated once over, smirking at the other’s jaw hanging open.

“Let's go tackle this engagement party.”

***

Taeyong and Jaehyun were leaning on the hood of the younger’s new pearl white Avalon as Mark pulled into the parking lot behind the club. Donghyuck got out of the car, mumbling about crammed boot space.

“Sick ride, Mark.”

Jaehyun said, whistling at the matte black Camaro which looked like a beast in the parking lot that was lit to the bare minimum only. Mark had told him that he would like his ride for the night, and he wasn’t off about that observation at all.

“I think my legs are broken. He wanted to show off.”

Donghyuck said, hiding behind Taeyong at the elder’s glare.

“I kind of did.”

Mark finally admitted, Donghyuck walking back to his side with a smile.

“Where’s Johnny hyung?”

The black-haired man asked, eyes straying to the choker on Donghyuck’s throat again, Taeyong mouthing, _“Whipped”_ at him causing him to immediately draw his gaze away.

“He actually called us an hour back saying that he was already here. Doyoung too. We just saw Johnny hyung’s dad. He asked us to go inside but we thought we’d wait for you guys to come in.”

Jaehyun explained, power walking to the entrance and smiling at the bouncer who waved them in with a smile of his own. Donghyuck assumed that Johnny had already let the guards know of their arrival. It was a highly private event after all.

“Where the hell were you guys?”

Doyoung shrieked the moment he saw the four-man gang walk into the club as if he was waiting patiently to yell at them. Taeyong winced at the high voice, crystal clear even with the bass that felt like it was thumping in their hearts.

“Mark Lee, how dare you hang up on your hyung? That’s it. I am taking Donghyuck back and making him sign the divorce papers I have saved and kept for situations like this.”

He said, voice dripping venom and too serious to be just a joke. A hearty rumble of laughter sounded from behind the lean man causing him to turn around, diverting his attention to the taller lawyer with the commanding presence.

“You are such a terror, Doyoungie.”

Johnny said, grinning widely as he loosened the tie around his neck.

“When is he ever not.”

Taeyong muttered, the track shift leading to seconds of silence, the words hanging in the silent air as Doyoung sent the man a look of betrayal. Donghyuck and Jaehyun chuckled as Mark hesitated, unwilling to enter the blacklist of the shorter lawyer and send his life into damnation.

“There’s food in the hall next door. Mr and Mrs Kim asked for the “newly married couple”, by the way. I think they’re having dinner right now. You guys should go see them. If you see a girl in a blue dress asking for me, please make sure to tell her that I’m bi and that I can’t be “turned”. She has been eating my head off at all the events my dad is in charge of.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun nodded seriously as they shuddered at the memory of the girl who caused a ruckus on Mark and Donghyuck’s wedding after they went to drop the couple and returned. Doyoung was nursing his elbow to his chest as Johnny yelled at a petite girl to “fuck off!” 

They had not reported the incident because she was young and a police record would taint her future. It was not like Johnny required help anyway; his background and family name were enough to scare anyone off. The girl probably hadn’t done her homework properly.

Johnny promised to meet up with them later in the night when his father called him up, the lawyer grabbing Doyoung’s wrist and dragging him away with him.

“I wanna dance, Jaehyunnie.”

Taeyong whined, playing with the lapels of the other’s jacket. Jaehyun let the corners of his mouth curve up.

“Let’s go meet the man of the hour and his lady love first.”

The younger man declared, putting on the Discovery channel narrator voice, and gesturing at Mark and Donghyuck to tag along with them.

Kim Minseok was a kind man and a brilliant entrepreneur; one whom both Lee Industries and Lee Builders valued. The Kims had always been trustworthy people and the company had years to substantiate that fact. 

The elder man waved at the group, his fiance, a dainty woman with bright eyes and a kind smile, sending them a confused look before she resumed smiling. The group congratulated the man with pats on his back along with some playful banter on marriage during which Donghyuck sweat more than usual in his outfit, Mark shifting awkwardly on his feet next to his husband.

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong to the dance floor, winking and wiggling his eyebrows at Mark as he did so. Donghyuck felt around for Mark’s hands as the lights dimmed exponentially, a sultry track coming on. The elder met his grip halfway and mumbled out a “Let’s go grab a drink”, pulling a sweaty and anxious Donghyuck to the bar.

“Two cokes.”

Donghyuck settled down on the stool next to Mark as they talked about the meeting that was scheduled to be conducted two days later, lost in their own space and time. Donghyuck listened carefully as Mark blurted out the pointers to be discussed in the meeting. 

They were a really odd pair; discussing share markets and steel production in the room stinking of sweat and booze with the very loud soundtrack courtesy of the DJ blasting at threatening levels. Even if he couldn’t catch everything that the elder said, Donghyuck nodded along, choosing to read the other’s lips for understanding what he said, Mark, doing the same.

“That’s it. We just have to convince him that the merger has resulted in a sevenfold profit for the company. The rest is up to him. He’s a smart man who knows what he wants. We’ll let him make the choice.”

Donghyuck nodded, eyes wandering to the other’s brows knitted in concentration as he scrolled on his phone, reading the project report for what felt like the thousandth time. Maybe he felt the weight of the other’s gaze on him or maybe it was something else but Mark slowly looked up, raising an eyebrow at the younger like he always did. 

The brown-haired man smiled, extending his hands and grabbing the phone as he looped the other hand with Mark’s, switching it off and handing it back to him.

“Why’d you switch it off?”

Donghyuck smiled as he got off the stool and tugged the other man to the empty lounge on the side. He plopped down on the leather couch and hauled the elder man down, the flickering lights from the dance floor hitting his face at the angle.

“Why’d you switch it off?”

Donghyuck didn’t respond, choosing to lean forward and pick up the device in question from inside Mark’s jacket and pressed down on the power button, a veiny hand stopping him. The device vibrated once as it switched on.

“I didn’t ask you to switch it on. I just asked why.”

Mark said, voice neutral. Donghyuck stared straight ahead at the crowd; sweaty and hyped as they raved over some Hot 100 track.

“I… you work all the time, hyung. You should relax once in a while. I… I promise I won’t do it again.”

He was touched by the other’s concern, finding his husband’s hesitation cute rather than annoying.

“You should. You have the right to do that. I am not angry, I promise.”

He said, hoping that the smile on his face was enough to let the other know that it was alright to do that. He wanted to tell him that he liked it when Donghyuck took the lead every now and then, but Mark presumed that there was always time to talk about it later. 

The younger man gave him a shaky curve of his mouth as he fidgeted with his hands. Mark moved closer and gripped his hand, his heat a contrast to the atmosphere of the air conditioned club,warming up the younger’s left side.

“Who do we have here?”

A voice singsonged in lilted Korean, the younger man flinching at the sudden interruption. He looked up to meet the gaze of a certain Japanese man, clad in all black, looking like he could blend into the shadows any time he desired to do so.

“YUTA HYUNG!”

Donghyuck jumped up as the other man laughed at his response before beckoning him over and tightly hugging him, patting him on his head like one would to a child. Mark looked on, remembering that he had seen the other man at the wedding but he had disappeared as soon as he came. The name was familiar to him through the several detailed overviews from the group. 

Yuta released Donghyuck from his hold and held his hand out to Mark with a bright grin on his face, eyes sparkling.

“Nakamoto Yuta. It’s nice to finally meet the man who hitched my dongsaeng.”

Mark adjusted his face into what he hoped was a smile, something about the elder man coming off as suspicious.

“Mark.”

Donghyuck sensed the slight animosity that was becoming more prominent between the two and launched into a conversation to clear the air, questioning the Japanese male about his absence during the last couple of group dinners. The man replied that he had been busy, the answer seemingly satisfying for the younger.

“Taeyong was looking for you, Hyuck. Why don’t you go find him?”

The younger stole glanced at his husband, knowing what was coming and at seeing Mark’s nod, walked away after giving the newcomer another hug. The air was charged with electricity as Yuta’s glance intensified, the sparkle from before disappearing as he turned his head to look at Mark, who was as good a competitor when it came to glaring. 

He was used to looks like these all thanks to the meetings with potential business threats.

“You aren’t scared of me.”

Yuta observed, gaze shifting to the dance floor as he leaned forward clasping his hands together loosely.

“I’ve got no reason to be.”

The elder man nodded lightly.

“Where do you work?”

Mark asked, hoping for an answer that would clear the suspicion behind the other man’s lethal and catlike grace which spoke of years worth of martial training.

“I work for the Seo’s.”

Mark foraged his brain to link the family name but came up with a blank slate.

“Seo?”

He asked, pushing down his pride.

“Johnny is a Seo, you know?”

Mark facepalmed at the obvious answer.

“What do you do for them?”

Yuta stared contemplatively at him for a moment too long before he hummed, and then sighed.

“Bodyguard. Security head. Puncher of faces. Breaker of bones. You can call it many names actually.”

Mark blanched at the response, finding no solace in having realized that his assumptions were true.

“Don’t worry. I am not going to hurt Donghyuck. I’ve known him since he was 20. My job is to protect the ones important to the Seo family. He is.”

Oddly enough, the conviction in the statement was enough to calm his heart which thudded like a rabbit’s.

“But I promise you that you will not be happy to see me if you ever hurt him. I will have no reason to hold back then and I won't. I hope you understand that.”

Mark nodded solemnly.

“I think I would deserve it if I ever hurt him.”

He said, lowering his voice from the hostile one he had adopted before. Yuta gave him a thin smile and shook his head in the affirmative.

“There are things he won’t tell you. I’ve known him for four years and he hasn’t told me yet. I just hope that he would tell you everything that bothers him. You’ve noticed, I assume?”

Mark finally felt like he was on equal footing with someone regarding Donghyuck. There was the obvious bond of four years, but something inside his chest told him that the man in front of him was just as concerned about the things Donghyuck never spoke about. 

There was palpable pain that had been forcefully pushed down into a lull on the face of the Japanese man; a deep disappointment at not knowing what the younger struggled with and Mark could relate.

“I have. Hard not to when he stops breathing in the middle of the night.”

Yuta hummed in acknowledgement.

“He likes you.” Yuta paused to face him, “He would never hold hands or have any kind of physical contact for so long with someone he didn’t trust with his whole life, but somehow every time I saw you, you were holding hands. It’s hard to gain his trust and you’ve done it in such a small period of time. I have hope in you.”

Mark felt validated at the other’s observation, and he smiled without apprehension at the elder man.

“Him liking you puts you on my list of extremely important people. Don’t hesitate to call if there’s anything.”

Mark nodded, feeling the conversation draw to an end and got up with the other man. Yuta gave him a contemplative glance again and smiled brightly like the one he gave Donghyuck. 

It felt like a “Welcome to my good list” and when he leaned over for a hug, Mark went into it willingly.

“Take care of him.”

He said, patting him once.

“I will.”

The elder man walked away without looking back, something telling Mark that it would be a while before he saw him again. He smiled in satisfaction at the obvious green signal from the Japanese man before grimacing at the fact that he never asked his phone number. 

He could ask Donghyuck or someone from the gang for it later.

His phone vibrated with a notification. Swiping at it, he grinned at the message.

_Good luck, Mark Lee._

The man sure knew how to make an impression.

***

“Let's hope Yuta doesn't scare the hell out of him.”  
Taeyong said, actually dreading the conversation they knew was pending. Nakamoto Yuta could be a vicious man to new people, and imagining Mark as a scared lamb facing the dragon gave Taeyong serious anxiety.

“He'll be fine. He has nothing to worry about. Let's be honest, if he can handle an entire company, then he can deal with a passive aggressive Yuta.”

Jaehyun said, pulling Taeyong to the side to avoid a drunk girl’s flailing arms. Donghyuck chuckled at the possessiveness and chuckled some more again at Taeyong’s heart eyes as he dreamily breathed out, “My hero!”

“Let's go grab dinner. It's getting late and I could eat an entire buffet.”

The market analyst declared.

“I'll go call Mark hyung and come. You guys go ahead.”

Taeyong awwed at his dongsaeng, secretly grinning with happiness as he witnessed the boy who had been hesitant to even start a conversation, grow up in front of his own eyes. Jaehyun’s grip on his waist tightened at that and when Taeyong looked up to meet his boyfriend's eyes, he saw the same euphoria painted on the valleys and ridges of his face.

Taeyong waved at Donghyuck as Jaehyun led him through the crowd of bodies, pushing with his hand to make way.

“Hello, pretty boy.”

Donghyuck heard a very deep and very unwelcome voice whisper behind him.

“I was waiting for your friends to leave.”

The man was dressed in a black and brown suit, his ears pierced and giving off an “If I want it, I get it” aura. He looked to be around Taeyong's age and Donghyuck just wanted to tell him off and go find Mark.

“I believe that's called stalking.”

The elder man leered in what he probably thought would come off in an attractive way, but for Donghyuck he simply ended up looking like a shark at aquariums. Sorry, but he didn’t find sharks attractive in any way.

“I believe not, pretty boy. I was simply admiring you from a distance. My father always told me to admire things of beauty. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, is it not?”

Donghyuck felt like gagging at the other man’s shameless advances.

“Look, I don't know and you don't know me. Quoting John Keats isn't gaining you any brownie points.”

The nameless man grinned in response.

“It's true that I don't know you and you don't know me but we could always get to know each other. You recognized the Keats reference. Impressive!”

He exclaimed, making Donghyuck feel stupid at having risen to the bait. He did not want to make a scene at someone else's party and desperately wanted to walk away.

“I don't want to get to know you or anything related to you. If you would get out of my way, I have to find my husband.”

The man cackled at that, the sound grating on the younger’s eardrums.

“Married? Don't lie. We both know that you can't be a day over 20. The marriage card is a pretty cheap way to fend off potential suitors.”

Donghyuck gawked at the nerve of the man and stepped forward to walk away. The other man wasn't having it as he pulled him by the hand and twisted it behind it his back, leaning closer, his breath loud against his ear as he strained his neck, and struggled to get away. The man’s grip was strong enough to bruise, and he cried out in pain.

A moment later, when he realized that the other man wasn't letting go or loosening his grip, he was reminded of a certain woman whose hands always left bruises that took weeks to heal. He blanked out in the grip of the man, head void of thoughts, wishing his heart to be void of beats.

“Hey, asshole! Get away from him!”

A familiar voice shouted out in proximity before the grip loosened and he staggered on his feet as he was pushed to the side. He heard two familiar voices mutter coldly before the other man was escorted away, the crowd seemingly unaware of the incident as they drank and danced the night away on the side. 

Donghyuck felt a lean hand grip him by the elbow and haul him away to the corridor outside the club’s bar. He was given water which he sipped at, still out of it, his mind hesitant to return to the premises of his brain.  
“Hyuck? Donghyuck? Baby... hey? It's over. Hey... hey… look at me.”

Donghyuck looked up, his gaze which was focused on the ground switched to meet Mark's concerned face as the other kneeled in front of him. The man’s watery gaze made the younger want to cry, realizing that his own face was dry. 

Donghyuck raised his hand to place on Mark's cheek. The elder put a hand over his hand and looked at him with his face a myriad of questions.

“Don't cry, hyung. I'm fine. I just froze. I am sorry. I promise to be better next time. Please don't be disappointed. I didn't mean to freeze.”

Mark gaped at the other's apology. His mind involuntarily pieced together things, and he was scared that he wouldn't like the outcome when he was finally done with it. He pulled the other delicately to his chest, kissing his hair even as his leg protested at the uncomfortable position.

“My hero.”

He mumbled out and any other time, Mark would have teased the younger man but there was no hint of humour in the way he said it; like he was honestly so grateful that he had actually saved him from his monsters somehow by marrying him after two months of getting to know each other. 

The black-haired boy bit down the urge to ask questions just like always, chanting a mantra of _“Patience.”_

Mark hoped that he could live up to the title after the clear failure it had proven to be that day.

“Let me see your wrist.”

He asked as he pulled away and sat on the ground. The younger stretched his hands, and Mark pushed back the sleeve of his denim jacket to see the obvious imprints of the stranger's hands; pink but standing out without difficulty on the other's tan skin.

“It will be okay. It doesn't even hurt much.”

Mark nodded even if he disagreed with the part where it apparently didn't hurt much.

The door they came out of, opened and the five-man gang walked to them. Taeyong and Doyoung knelt on either side of Donghyuck as Mark let them have their space and stood up, dusting his jeans.

“The guy was drunk. Minseok hyung apologized on his behalf. Distant cousin or something.”

Jaehyun explained as Mark looked at them.

“He was asked to leave. Dad doesn't really let people who cause violence to stay. He has a lifetime ban on attending parties and events organised by my family.”

Johnny explained, looking worn out, his usually glossy hair looking like death warmed over, a complete shift from his stance just about an hour ago.

“He also has a twice broken nose and a twisted elbow.”

Mark stared open mouthed at Yuta. The man wasn't playing around, but he couldn't blame him. If Donghyuck hadn't looked so unstable and lost, he would have landed a punch of his own.

“It was not just me though. Seo Youngho here is a legend at breaking other people's noses too.”

Yuta said, the joke falling flat at his monotone delivery, but it explained the twice broken nose.

“We haven't had dinner yet. We were waiting for Donghyuck to be back with you.”

Mark looked questioningly at Donghyuck at Taeyong's explanation.

“I was on my way to call you for dinner when he blocked me.”

The group filed out of the corridor into the main area of the club with the intention to have food. Mark wanted to hold onto Donghyuck’s hand, but he didn't want to interrupt Taeyong and Doyoung who were on either side of the younger already doing what he intended to. 

Jaehyun patted him on the shoulder and gestured for him to walk faster, smiling at the trio in the front. Johnny and Yuta’s expressions had changed exponentially from what it was the last time he saw them.

Dinner was loud like it always was. Mark was glad that the gang didn't hold back because he was sure Donghyuck wouldn't have liked to have the spotlight on him. Taeyong fed Donghyuck and Mark like he always did from his plate, cooing at how cute his dongsaengs were. 

Johnny and Yuta looked lost in their minds. But Yuta snapped out of it soon enough, cracking jokes left and right, proving all around to be a man who embodied the essence of yin and yang. 

Johnny's phone rang loudly from his pocket. He didn't notice it until Doyoung placed a hand on the other's palm which was kept flat on the table. The elder got up to attend the call and when he didn't return, Doyoung left to look for him declaring that he was done with his meal.

Even as everyone finished their meal, the pair hadn't returned. Yuta left bidding his goodbyes with hugs after his phone lit up with a notification. No one asked him any questions, and Mark understood that the group was used to this sort of behaviour from the man.

“Hyung, I'll go look for them. I'll meet you guys at the parking lot.”

Donghyuck stared at Mark as he talked to Taeyong and Jaehyun; some part of him feeling like he was floating at the concern he showed for the people who were important for Donghyuck. Jaehyun nodded at Mark, Taeyong and Donghyuck following him out the door.

Mark couldn't find the pair anywhere. He stumbled back out into the corridor to see the pair in question hugging, Johnny’s forehead against Doyoung’s shoulder even with the height difference. The elder was clearly stressed out and Doyoung was running his hands through Johnny's hair, a worried frown on his face.

Mark felt like he was intruding on a very private moment even if they were just hugging. He closed the door softly behind him, walking to the parking lot. Donghyuck was already sitting in the passenger seat of the Camaro as he approached. Taeyong was talking to the younger. Jaehyun walked towards Mark.

“Be a little careful today.”

Mark appreciated the concern of the elder man and nodded.

“Johnny hyung and Doyoung hyung were at the corridor. I didn't interrupt.”

Mark said, choosing to not spill what exactly he saw.

“Drive carefully. It's pretty late.”

Taeyong advised as Mark got into the car and put the seatbelt on. He mumbled an affirmative and waved at the pair outside, Donghyuck doing the same as he drove out of the parking lot.

Mark stopped the car five minutes into the drive, the roar of the Camaro’s engine reduced to an intimidating and reverberating growl that Donghyuck could feel in his skin. He sent a questioning look to his husband.

“Wanna grab some ice cream?”

Donghyuck contemplated for a moment, biting his lip as he did so, Mark's gaze following the motion before he parted his mouth to whisper out his assent. Mark let his hand move from the gear shift and squeezed the other’s clasped hands before shifting the gear and letting the car accelerate, turning left at the next intersection instead of the right which would have led them to their home.

The boy at the counter was focused on his phone as they opened the door to the shop. Mark laughed softly at the way the boy straightened up as he saw them. They settled down on their usual seat near the glass panel which overlooked the dim lit street outside.

“I tell you all the time that he hates us.”

Donghyuck said, staring at the boy as he searched for his notepad with his pen tucked between his teeth.

“No, he doesn't. He is just a stressed University student. When he sees us, it's more like a “they’re here again” than a “fuck off.” He should really...”

Mark was cut off as Donghyuck cocked his head subtly to the left, announcing the arrival of the nameless server.

“Order?”

Stellar customer service. Employee of the decade, really.

Mark gazed at the menu and ordered two sundaes, contemplating whether to confront the young man or not.

“Do you hate us? Should we stop coming? Are you homophobic or something?”

Donghyuck rambled on, the server's eyes widening as it finally dawned on him that they had noticed the looks he gave.

“ I am sorry. I am not... homophobic that is.”

He explained and at the silence that followed, he stuttered out, “My... my hyung was gay.”

Mark didn't know if the past tense was intentional or not, and the boy still hadn't provided a complete explanation as to how that related to the glaring.

“Was gay?”

The boy shifted on his feet before standing straight, taking a deep breath.

“He killed himself a few months ago.”

Mark winced at the response, Donghyuck cowering in his seat wishing he hadn't asked.

“We're sorry. We didn't mean to...”

The boy interrupted Mark.

“It's fine. It's just... he used to come with his boyfriend at night to give me company. This was their usual seat. My family didn't really know that he was gay. His boyfriend's family too.”

Mark looked at the boy in his late teens and wanted to tell him that it was fine if he didn't want to explain but something told him that the boy hadn't talked to anyone about it, judging by the fact that he was ranting to two total strangers about his brother's death. Donghyuck was silent but his eyes spoke volumes.

“Dad saw them holding hands here one day when he came to see if I was done with work. He beat them up and dragged hyung and me home. He was locked up for a week or so. A few days later, hyung met with his boyfriend here. They told me they were going for a walk. They never came back. Every time I see you guys, I am scared that my dad will walk in and do something bad.”

Donghyuck patted the seat next to him, and the boy hesitated before he sat down at Mark’s insistence. There were tears rolling down his cheeks and Donghyuck simply pulled him to his chest even as the boy gasped in surprise.

“It's fine. We understand now. Your dad won't be able to hurt us, okay? Don't worry so much. Stop crying...”

Mark looked on with fondness as his husband pulled a stranger to calm them down. 

Maybe the universe wasn't so bad. It sent Donghyuck to him after all. 

The boy pulled back mumbling out words of gratitude.

“What's your name?”

Donghyuck asked, his voice cracking as he was overcome with emotions.

“Jisung.”

Mark smiled at the teary eyed boy in reassurance he was sure wasn't given by anyone else except them after the brother's death.

“I am Donghyuck. Meet Mark, my husband.”

Jisung’s jaw dropped.

“You guys are married? I thought... Woah! I get it now...”

The youngest was a university student just like Mark had assumed, majoring in economics at the Seoul National. He had thought that the couple were actually university students themselves. The pair thoroughly enjoyed diverting the attention of the boy from the death of his brother as they talked to him about career prospects and aims. 

He left after a good couple of minutes to get them their order.

“He is such a bright boy. Parents… man! They don't really understand the magnitude of damage they can do, do they?”

Mark thought out loud. Donghyuck stared at him for a moment too long before shaking his head off the dwindling strain of thoughts as his husband snapped his fingers in his face.

“Yeah. They don't.”

The ice cream arrived then and Mark asked Jisung to grab one for himself, telling him that it was on them. The boy didn't cave mumbling an embarrassed “Some other time, hyung.”

The boy went back to the counter in what Donghyuck recognized as an act of letting them have the privacy he assumed they needed. Maybe he was tired from recalling certain events. 

Donghyuck stopped Mark with a hand on his hand as the other was about to get up.

“Let him be. We should give him some space. He probably didn't expect for himself to talk to two strangers about the things that don't let him sleep properly.”

Mark didn't let his gaze move from Donghyuck after the statement, worry raising it's ugly head again.

They said their farewells to Jisung and thanked him for trusting them with his story. The boy smiled at them for the second time that night and asked them if they would keep coming there to which Donghyuck replied that they would. 

Mark was happy to hear that from his husband since he was always the one who suggested their little ice cream rendezvous. He knew that the younger was not fond of the sweet frozen food, but he always agreed when Mark asked him. 

Maybe it was because somewhere in the seven months of their marriage and eleven since they met, it had turned into their thing along with hand holding.

That night, Mark scooted to the edge of the bed, not knowing if his closeness would be appreciated by the younger man after the incident at the club. He regarded the option of lying down like usual but decided against it. 

Donghyuck, however, surprised him by lying down on his side and grabbing blindly at his t-shirt to pull him closer. Mark felt wanted at the simple and direct action of the younger. He would have been fine if the other had chosen to lie at a distance for as long as he wanted because at the end of the day all he cared about was if Donghyuck was comfortable and happy or not. Yet he was glad to see that the younger trusted him this much.

“Don't think too much. I am fine.”

The younger whispered. Mark grinned looking at the other’s closed eyelids. 

Just when he was about to slip into sleep, Donghyuck spoke up again.

“You called me baby today.”

Mark was immediately all ears. Donghyuck was probably going to tell him to never call him that again.

“ It just came out. I can stop if you...”

Donghyuck shook his head, Mark feeling the movement than seeing it as the curtains blocked the faint light drifting into the room.

The day was definitely eventful but Mark felt that the real highlight was when the other said, “Don't. I like it.”

***

“That went well.”

Donghyuck said sarcastically, Mark groaning in frustration as he turned the glass on the table.

“I knew he wouldn't agree to the clause 13. Obviously, he would look at the numbers instead of the favour we are doing for him through this deal. He can go fuck himself now. We are never doing business with people like that again. I am glad that he was such a jerk. Otherwise, I would have felt bad for not trying to help a company in ruins.”

Donghyuck nodded, staring at all the food they ordered, fingers crossed that the man would see what they were throwing at him. He hadn't.

“Let's eat. We are not obligated to worry about old delusional men.”

Mark muttered, aggressively cutting the steak in front of him and chewing sharply. Donghyuck chuckled at him.

“Mark? Woah! It really is you.”

A familiar and highly unappreciated visitor pulled a chair and plopped down on it. Donghyuck gawked at the thin and handsome man. He didn't like the way the other man was eyeing his husband; his gaze coquettish. 

Clearly, Mark didn't too.

“You would think that some people would have some dignity left after they cheated on you. Clearly, you don't, seeing as you are rudely interrupting my time with my husband.”

Mark bit out, teeth gritting at whom Donghyuck immediately recognized as the infamous Jaemin.

“Oh. Feisty! Just like I remember.”

Jaemin said, putting his face on top of his open palms and fluttering his eyelashes.

“Jaemin, fuck off!”

Mark said, voice rough and filled with anger.

“Oh, he remembers my name. This is the infamous husband then.”

He ogled the tan boy shamelessly as he squirmed in his seat, uncomfortable at being so obviously checked out.

“Bet he isn't half as good in bed as I was.”

He singsonged. Mark slammed his hand on the table at the crude remark.

“Leave.”

Jaemin smirked.

“I did, Mark Lee. I left you. I made sure it hurt when I did. Now you're stuck in an unhappy marriage.”

Mark leaned back and returned the smirk.

“Who left who? You left me?” He laughed, “Your memory must be blurry. I left you when I realized you were cheating on me. I was blind. Sure. But I am not blind anymore. We didn't even last two proper years, Jaemin. Seeing as I married this beautiful man three months after our break up, you should know how much I valued your presence. He is good for me. Something you never were. He cares for me. Something you never did. The last thing this marriage is, is unhappy. All you needed was a man to dance to your wishes and buy you expensive things. You don't matter anymore. You stopped mattering when you cheated three months into our relationship even if I found out about it too late.”

Jaemin chuckled at that, and Donghyuck considered pouring the water in front of him on top of the man.

“Wasn't very smart then, were you Mark Lee?”

Mark fumed, glaring at the man. Donghyuck couldn't hold back any longer.

“Cheating on someone is nothing to take pride over. You did not do anything heroic. You didn't even defend yourself when he said you wanted money only. So I know that you are a gold digger too. Now let me recall what I know about you. Your name is Jaemin. You are a cheater. You are a gold digger and…” Donghyuck closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to remember something, “and... you have really poor manners. You don't own the world. Nor the right to interrupt our time together. Stop acting like a spoilt brat and get a life.”

Jaemin glared at the tan-skinned man and got up, red in the face with anger at Donghyuck’s condescending tone. He stormed away, not having a retort for the other’s words.

Mark let his head fall back and sighed shakily. Donghyuck pushed away the plate in front of him and looked at the other.

“I am sorry.”

Mark finally said. Donghyuck was about to talk about how he shouldn't be apologizing for narcissistic assholes who thought that they owned the world, but stopped as Mark shook his head.

“You shouldn't have to deal with that. I feel like an idiot... two years and I thought that he was the person I would spend forever with. I got him everything he asked and didn't. You should know that I lied now, Donghyuck. I loved him. I know it was a poisonous relationship. Maybe not even a relationship for him, but he mattered to me. It took me three months and meeting you to get over him. Even then… I’m… ”

Donghyuck smiled as Mark ran a hand over his face, placing his elbow on the table and hiding his face in his hands.

“Hyung… hey... look at me.”

He coaxed the other to look at him, his gaze dropping to the table every time he met Donghyuck's eyes.

“I know you loved him. You were sincere in the relationship. You aren't an idiot for not doubting someone you loved. You are a great person. It might have taken you awhile to move on from him, but you did. The Mark Lee who talked to his ex now wasn't the man who loved him. You might have lied about having moved on fast to win the argument. But who hasn't lied? You just didn't want him to see how he affected you. That's natural. You were only trying to protect your pride. There's nothing wrong with that. Especially with people like him. I am glad you didn't let him bully you. Everything is fine. We are fine.”

Donghyuck said, letting the corners of his mouth curve up in assurance, a kind of certainty that gave Mark strength.

“I am glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”

Mark smiled even with the stinging pain in his chest as he remembered that Donghyuck still hadn't told him anything about what bothered him. He was glad that the Jaemin chapter was officially closed and wished that the other man would tell him what was wrong too, but his gut whispered that it wouldn't be a chapter that could be closed easily.

_I wish you would too, Donghyuck._

***

Donghyuck woke up in the middle of the night to see Mark staring out at the street from the balcony. He contemplated letting the other carry on, but then he looked closer and noticed the slouch of his shoulders.

“Hyung, why are you up?”

He asked, voice gentle. The elder man turned to him slowly.

“Just wondering.”

He answered, face pale and tired.

“About?”

 _You._ He wanted to say. About how you were struggling in your sleep. About how I can't help you even when I am right next to you.

But he didn't say.

“Stuff.”

A look of disappointment flickered through the soft plains of his face at the elder’s response. He approached the black-haired man and stood next to him, hands on the railing and eyes overlooking the empty street with the cars that buzzed past once in a while. 

Their silences were always comfortable and for the millionth time, Donghyuck thanked the men above for having sent someone like Mark to him.

“Wanna do something fun?”

Mark asked, gaze still fixed on the street. Donghyuck instinctively nodded.

The elder man went inside their room, silently beckoning the other inside. He asked the younger to wait and came up with a Bluetooth speaker, grabbing his phone and poking around on it. Some R&b slow jam with quiet and aesthetically muffled beats floated into the room.

“Hyung?”

_What are you doing?_

“We never had a wedding dance, remember? You are here. I am here. The night is young. May I?”

Donghyuck smiled at the other as he held his hand out for the other to take. The man twirled him around slowly, the music going in one direction and them dancing to some unknown beat their hearts told them to. 

Another song began, Donghyuck finally loosening up as he leaned against his husband's shoulders, his feet following the directions Mark led him. The elder’s grip on him was just the perfect amount of force, and Donghyuck wondered if the other man thought too much about it before he held him.

“Would you... had it been anyone else... would you have told them?”

The spell didn't break even at Mark's question. It was unexpected, but he knew what exactly Mark was referring to. Donghyuck sighed sadly, feeling the moisture on Mark's face against his neck as the other burrowed his face there after the question.

“No. I wouldn't have.”

He answered honestly, his hand playing with the baby hair on Mark's nape as they moved slowly to the ignored music that filled the room.

Mark was awake because of him. He was crying because of him. 

Donghyuck knew he would have to let the other know what he deserved to, soon. He had never been in love, but Donghyuck was certain that this was what it felt like. He was falling hard and for the first time in a long time, he wasn't scared to do it. 

He knew that it went both ways. 

In Mark’s arms that night with slow jams and ballads on loop as the soundtrack, Donghyuck admitted to himself that he was falling in love, head first.

***

Mark was shrugging off his suit jacket and bunching it up for a quick power nap in the office when his phone rang. He looked at the screen and accepted the call, aware that Johnny didn't call him unless he really needed to.

“Hyung?”

“I need you to go home now. Yuta is on his way too. I will be there in a few. Doyoung is hurt.”

Mark was suddenly alert as he sensed the distress in the other's voice.

“Home? But Donghyuck is there...”

He trailed off, a legion of scenarios muddling his thought process.

“Exactly, Mark. Hyuck is there and he is alone. The Adachi clan are on our tails. I'll explain everything later. Go home. Fast.”

Mark stared at the phone, the groans of pain from Doyoung the last thing he heard before the lawyer hung up.

He took a deep breath, the situation registering fast, pushing him to sprint down the stairs, foregoing the elevator altogether. His shoes squeaked against the granite floor as he skidded to a stop at the entrance, the security guards too slow to open the door, making him run out after having pushed the glass door himself. 

He settled into the Camaro, not bothering with the seatbelt and covertly praising his instincts in the morning which told him to take the fastest ride he owned. He blamed himself for asking Donghyuck to take a day off after the panic attack the previous night.

The city traffic slowed him down, but it all seemed like a blur as his ears kept ringing with the words _“Hyuck is there and he is alone.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I LOVE JAEMIN OKAY?? HE IS MY BABY..The story just asked for a bad guy who was pretty.. Lol.. Also the song Markhyuck are slowdancing to in my head is Lights down low by MAX.. Thank you so much for reading, lovely people..


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, guys!! Prepare for the entire Amazon river of pain.. I am not kidding.. Also graphic depictions of violence.. Prepare yourselvess!

Donghyuck’s heart pounded, his lip bleeding and face aching as he grimaced at the pain that reverberated through his body. 

At least he didn’t freeze this time. 

Self-praise aside, his body ached like someone ran a road roller over it. 

The men in the room laughed at him as he struggled to get up, wrist dislocated and ankle sprained. He hadn’t expected for six? seven?men to knock on his door and wait for him to open it like civilized people, only to proceed to beat him up. He had taken one look at the burly man in the front and scrambled back in horror, knowing that what followed had infinitesimal chances of being pleasant. 

Maybe, he should have run out the door, but it’s not like he would have made it past the men who towered over him like a regiment of uncontrollable Goliaths.

“The problem, Donghyuck-ssi, is that Seo Youngho is very fond of you and his _precious_ , precious little gang.”

Donghyuck stared as the man uttered his first words, in fact, their first words since their unfortunate arrival a couple of minutes ago. The man who had landed the first punch sat on one knee in front of him and lifted his hand, touching the injured boy’s chin roughly and turning it, assessing the damage.

“You’ve got a pretty face. Bet your husband would hate seeing the damage.”

The man grunted out, relocating his calloused hand to the brown-haired male’s injured wrist and twisting it again making him howl out in pain.

“No one hurts someone from the Adachi clan and gets out of it unscathed. Tell Seo Youngho that, when you meet him in hell or heaven, your choice. We're not very picky people. Born from adversity, you know.”

Weirdly enough, Donghyuck felt detached as the man ranted on about the clan’s firing power and the authority they had in Korea. He didn’t even listen to the other’s words properly until he heard a familiar name spout out of the other’s mouth.

“Jung Jaehyun. Youngho’s best friend, isn’t he?”

He asked, smiling innocently.

“What the fuck did you do to him, asshole?”

The man wagged a finger in the air before suddenly getting up and kicking the other in the stomach, the younger crying out as his thrice kicked and punched at stomach protested against the brash action.

“You don’t talk like that to me, boy. He has our people following him. It’s only a matter of time before we get him. I heard that Kim Doyoung was with Jaehyun-ssi. Two birds with one stone, eh?”

Donghyuck paled at the implication even as his hands shielded his face at the onslaught of boots against him. He prayed for the safety of both his hyungs. 

There was animosity and rage the size of Asia in the men’s gazes and stance as Donghyuck scoured madly through his hazed brain for finding the connection between Johnny and the Adachi clan. He had heard of the ruthless men before when he was in uni when one of his classmates was suspected to be the son of one of the heads of the clan. He never followed up with that story. But he was pretty sure that the tactics of knowing the opponent did no favours for him in the condition he was in.

“You put up a fight. I’ll give you that but flower soft hands aren't enough to beat the men who are stone hard.”

Another man stepped forward and muttered. 

Donghyuck had taken the baseball bat next to the shoe rack and swung it as he scrambled back, realizing that he had no chances in a hand to hand as soon as they entered, but even the wooden bar hadn’t saved him. His vision was blurring at the edges and he tried to hold on to consciousness even as its grip slipped away from him.

The front door swung open as another man pulled Donghyuck and slammed his head on the linoleum floor. 

Yuta walked in, one of the men cowering and taking a step back unconsciously at his appearance.

“Aaah, Nakamoto is here. Ever the loyal dog of the Seo’s, aren’t you? We have no respect for dogs, you see.”

The man who had tattoos on his face stepped forward to sneer at the other’s face, Donghyuck finally gaining a clear view of his hyung. 

Yuta fumed, face an odd mix of fury and concern as his glance flickered from Donghyuck to the men in the room. Yuta, however, dodged the obvious provocation and took a deep, calming breath.

“Let him go. I’ll go with you.”

The Japanese man bargained, his voice forcibly pacified. Donghyuck strained to raise his head up so that he could ask the other to not consider plunging headfirst into the obvious trap, but he was too weak to even scramble up with his uninjured wrist.

“How about we avenge all our men whom you scared away and killed in the past five years? How about that? A bargain fair enough for you?”

Donghyuck saw the baseball bat he had used to defend himself swing down and hit Yuta’s back as the other dodged the fatal hit which would have landed upon his head. A flurry of punches was thrown and Yuta tucked and rolled over to Donghyuck as the men struggled to get up, pained groans echoing in the hallway. 

Yuta kicked at another man lying on the ground as he tried to pull him down by gripping his shin. He turned to face Donghyuck and helped him sit up, careful to not touch any part which was possibly injured, wiping the blood from his own nose right after. 

He gently let Donghyuck lean against the wall and sat back, picking up his phone and swiping hurriedly at it to call someone, his other hand gripping Donghyuck’s good one tight, a hint of a reassuring smile at the corners of his lips, presumably stemming from his assumption that they were safe.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and opened them, only a moment lost, to see the man with the tattooed face stab his hyung on his back with a dagger. Yuta’s grip on him loosened immediately and he got up, turning around, staggering on his feet as he tried to hit the other man with his clenched fist, red from the fight just moments ago. 

The man who talked to Donghyuck pulled his dagger out and stalked towards Yuta who was trying to get out of the chokehold of the tattooed man. He flipped over and kicked at the man, with a cry of pain at the strain of his back muscles resulting from the pull on them as he did so.

“HYUNG LOOK OUT!!”

Donghyuck mustered up all his energy and yelled out to grab his hyung’s attention. But Yuta turned too late and straight into the dagger, blood flowing out of his mouth as the man stabbed him again. 

Donghyuck’s head spun at the scene in front of him, Yuta collapsing on his knees to the ground, hands clutching at his stomach and staring wide-eyed at Donghyuck, eyes watering involuntarily and face paling but nothing, not even a cry of pain escaping past his lips.

“YUTA HYUNG!!”

Donghyuck crawled to the other man on his elbows, the injured men’s chortling laughter drowning out his agonized and desperate cries as Yuta stared at him, eyes wide open and breathing shallow.

“DONGHYUCK!!”

The brown-haired male turned to face the last man he wanted to see in the situation they were in, standing breathless at the threshold.

“Mark hyung!!”

The elder rushed forward but two of the Adachis put their hand in front of him to halt him causing him to fall on the ground, but Mark sprang up and threw a punch at the burly man. The man simply spit blood on the ground, wiped at his lip and punched him back, a smirk lighting up his face, his leer turning into an unexpected blend of amusement and outrage. 

Mark tried to defend himself to the best of his ability as Donghyuck gave it his all to tend to Yuta bleeding out next to him, pressing down on the wound with his good hand, blood gushing out in a macabre motion through the gaps between his fingers as the other man’s own hold weakened under Donghyuck's palms. 

One of the men kicked Donghyuck in the back as he shielded Yuta with his body curving in a protective half-arch half-hug position. He heard a blunt blow which drew his attention to see Mark falling face first to the ground at the traumatizing hit of the baseball bat against his skull. 

He blinked up at Donghyuck, a final attempt at getting up failing half way.

The blood in his veins froze as he saw the red liquid spread in a steady stream around Yuta. Donghyuck could see the blood trickling out of Mark’s ears and nose, creating a small puddle on the floor. 

He mustered the last of his energy reserves to heave himself off the Japanese man and collapsed on the side, the final sight he saw being the paling countenances of the men painting the white floor with their life essence, his ears reverberating with the evil guffaws of the merciless men, losing consciousness completely when one of the men pulled him up by his t-shirt’s bloody collar and slammed his head down on the floor.

***

“Woah, woah! Easy there, tiger.”

Donghyuck heard a male voice squeak out as his breath quickened causing the heart monitor to go haywire, beeping at an accelerated rate with no pauses. He had opened his eyes to see a whitewashed ceiling and the smell of disinfectant and medicine in the air; the characteristic feature of hospitals. 

His field of vision was suddenly invaded by a familiar face who was maybe too close for his liking, the small smile playing on his lips contrasting with the tinge of panic in the depth of his eyes.

“Je… Je...”

The other man tapped him on the shoulder in an attempt to calm him down, pouring water on the paper cup he obtained from the bedside table. He extended it to the same aged man, helping him sit up with one hand, shushing Donghyuck’s groans of pain with a soft voice. 

Donghyuck gulped down the water, the friendly man pouring him another glass of water and holding it up for the other to drink. He retrieved the cup and pulled the stool on the side, settling down on it.

“Ask the all-knowing Jeno whatever you want.”

The man said, his eye-smile not as bright as usual but still triumphant in calming Donghyuck down to an extent.

“Mark hyung?”

He asked, heart rate speeding up again as he recalled the last thing he saw before plunging into darkness. Jeno grimaced lightly as if he had seen the question coming.

“He’s… he hasn’t woken up yet. He was put on a medicine-induced coma to speeden the recovery process. You were in one too. His is just a little longer. He’s fine. No other damages. He’ll pull through like he always does. He is the Mark Lee and Mark Lee is the most competent man I’ve ever met.”

Jeno said, trying to dilute the sad end of the stick with his attempts at slapstick humour like he always did. For the umpteenth time, Donghyuck realized why his husband was fond of Jeno. 

Donghyuck took a deep breath.

“Yuta hyung? He’s...” _not dead, is he?_

He didn’t ask.

Jeno cut him off with a look that pleaded him not to give his thoughts voice.

“He’s recovering. He lost a lot of blood and I mean… _a lot of blood_. Johnny hyung made it in time. He had already called in an ambulance. Otherwise...” _he wouldn’t have made it_ , the words went unsaid but Donghyuck understood it anyway. “He is still in the ICU though. Woke up yesterday and the first word out of his mouth was your name.”

_Typical Yuta hyung._

Donghyuck thought, greatly relieved at knowing that the other man was still breathing. However, he was suddenly hit by the glimpses of the man from the clan snarking about Jaehyun and the panic came back twice fold intensely, the heart monitor racing.

“Boy, you calm down or I ain’t telling you anything. Mark would have my head if he comes to know I killed you by giving you anxiety.” Jeno said, tone scolding. “I mean it Donghyuck. Calm down. Deep breaths.” He demonstrated with an inhale and an exhale which Donghyuck attempted to replicate.

Jeno smiled encouragingly at the man on the hospital bed.

“Jaehyun hyung? One of the men said that they were looking for him.”

Jeno nodded.

“The guys actually caught up with him and Doyoung hyung. Jaehyun hyung beat the men up. Doyoung hyung called Johnny hyung and one of them saw him on the phone and blew his top and stabbed him.” 

Donghyuck’s expression waned at that. It was not just one. The clan had gotten back at them all. 

Johnny better be occupied with a _kickass_ reason. 

“He is fine now though. Johnny hyung and Jaehyun hyung took him to the hospital but on the way when he called Mark, he didn’t pick up. Johnny hyung called me up and asked me to drive here. Jaehyun hyung is fine though. Slightly bruised but nothing major. He drove Doyoung hyung to the hospital when Johnny hyung rushed to the house.”

The men who tailed them were organized despite their appearances speaking of the ways of heathens. They were all hardened by their lives but the way they executed the plan to hurt every one Johnny cared about was commendable if not for the ill intentions behind their actions.

“Taeyong hyung is fine too. He was doing a presentation at his company. The security called the police when they tried to break in.”

Jeno reassured before grinning at him.

“Also, just in case you wanted to know, you were out for a week and two days. Taeyong hyung went to see Yuta hyung. He is just 3 rooms over. You missed him by a rough 20 minutes. Jaehyun hyung and Johnny hyung went out to get food. Doyoung hyung will get discharged today. He is in the ward.”

Donghyuck nodded, head fuzzy at the motion making Jeno chuckle at the literal starry-eyed man on the bed. Suddenly, his expression switched to complete panic.

“Fuck!! Fucking fuck! I need to call your overprotective hyungs and let them know sleeping beauty woke up without the prince’s kiss.”

Donghyuck genuinely appreciated the effort Jeno was taking to assure that he was comfortable. He gratefully smiled at the other, face muscles rusty from disuse. 

Jeno responded in kind and asked him for a minute and went out, the screen lighting up with the name of their eldest hyung as he called the other. He returned a few minutes later, a doctor and a teary-eyed Taeyong in tow. His hyung had his gaze fixed on his feet.

“Good evening, Donghyuck-ssi. How are you feeling?”

The doctor asked, not looking up from his board as he jotted down something after glancing at the heart monitor.

“I’m fine.”

He said.

“A quiet one aren’t you? I am sure your head hurts now even if you say you are fine but it’ll pass. We took you off the morphine day before yesterday. You might be loopy from the pentobarbital we put you on. That’ll fade too. Your ankle has a ligament tear but it’ll heal fast if you do not put much stress on it. Your wrist was dislocated, so don’t go off lifting heavy things or anything, period. Other than all this, there is the obvious bruising. Some good old Tylenol will work just fine. For the deeper bruises, I suggest arnica.”

The doctor finished, looking up from the board finally, and smiling at Donghyuck as he did so.

“You have a very talkative heartbeat, Donghyuck-ssi.” He said, eyeing the cardiac monitor with interest. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

The man, Dr.Byun asked, an amusing smile on his face. Donghyuck wondered why the man was smiling, but decidedly let it go as he attributed it to being a “Doctor Thing”. Keeping the patients happy, making them feel comfortable and whatever the job description stated.

“I… Can I go see my hyungs?”

He asked shakily. Dr.Byun’s smile widened.

“Of course. I’ll ask the attendant to bring a wheelchair. But only if you promise to take rest like a good boy.”

He chastised lightly. Donghyuck nodded, the man snorting in response and muttering to Taeyong about medicines and the times they were supposed to be taken at. He had half a mind to remind the doctor that he was a grown-ass adult but he ignore it as the man turned to leave.

“Have a good day, Mr.Lee.”

The doctor wished as he walked out of the room, Donghyuck’s own reply dispersing into the air of the room. He turned to his hyung standing near the door, face scrunched up in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. 

Jeno cleared his throat at the look and walked out saying he needed some air.

“Taeyongie hyung...”

Donghyuck called out in a tiny voice, the other man’s lips wobbling before a choked sob escaped his lips. 

Taeyong had always been sensitive; never succeeding at not letting his insecurities and sorrows show. He worried about everyone because he had a whole lot of love for everyone. 

Donghyuck was blessed in a lot of ways as if God was desperate to make up for his mistake.

“Donghyuck-ah...”

Taeyong breathed out, approaching him as one would to a scared animal before Donghyuck put out a hand to the other. Soon, he was enveloped in a warm hug, the elder man’s smaller frame somehow making him feel protected all the same. 

The elder soaked the side of Donghyuck’s hospital pyjamas with his tears. He mumbled incoherently against his neck, grip a complete contrast from the usual tight hugs he gave. 

Jeno walked in after a few minutes to see the men embracing each other, swallowing down the bitter-sweet happiness that rose in his chest. A tall attendant rolled a wheelchair into the room, Jeno telling him that they’d take it from there. 

The attendant sent him a sceptical look before shrugging his shoulders and leaving. A nurse entered seconds later to help them with shifting the IV line and removing the heart monitor sensors.

Taeyong and Jeno helped Donghyuck into the chair. Jeno manoeuvred through the hallway with the ease of an expert. 

Yuta was sitting up as Donghyuck was wheeled into the room. The man smiled at him, all teeth and fondness.

“Baby Hyukkie, I am so glad you are awake.”

Donghyuck sighed, relief painting his features. 

Had the ambulance been a minute late, this particular meeting would have consisted of his hyung in a casket. The mere thought of it made him want to throw up. 

The idea of loss gnawed at his chest and all the resolution he had gathered crumbled with a whimper of the other’s name.  
Jeno helpfully wheeled Donghyuck forward so he could reach out to the Japanese man’s hand with his functional one. The hold was painfully tight but Donghyuck understood the feelings of torment behind it. He squeezed back reassuringly. 

A few moments later, they burst out laughing at Taeyong's loud sniffling, reminiscent of the time the other watched Tangled and cried, refusing to take his palms which were much pretty glued to his face in embarrassment. Both of them winced in sync; Donghyuck grabbing at his head and Yuta clutching his stomach at the onslaught of pain from the demonstration of happiness.

The door creaked, opening to reveal a ruffled Jaehyun and Johnny who stared at him in shock, as if they were witnessing a miracle. The latter man’s hair which always looked like it was straight out of a shampoo commercial looked like death warmed over, letting him know the magnitude of concern they went through.

“Hey, hyung.”

Donghyuck grinned, the muscles of his face pulling at each other. He obviously needed an explanation but he wasn’t going to terrorize his brother for his small mistake. The other man had always tried his best to keep them safe even if it wasn’t his duty to do so, and Donghyuck knew that Johnny would never bring the wrath of a clan upon them knowingly.

The elder man stared at him in response, a hand going up to cover his mouth to cut off the gasp. Jaehyun sidestepped and gave Johnny a small push that communicated, “Go ahead.” 

Running his hands through his hair, Johnny walked to Donghyuck, Jeno turning the wheelchair so that it wasn’t facing the hospital bed. 

The elder froze in front of him before kneeling, his head bowed.

“Hyung...”

Donghyuck let out a sound of pain at the other’s display. Johnny resolutely kept his gaze on the floor, the mop of wind-styled hair acting as a shield to hide the other’s expression. The younger man craned his neck to look at Yuta and Taeyong who were staring with utmost concentration at them. 

Taeyong mouthed, “Go on” at him, Yuta approving with a small quirk of his head.

Letting his good arm find the other’s bony shoulders, Donghyuck patted him before letting his arm travel down to find his hands, hard clenched and tense.

“I am sorry. It’s all my fault. I am sorry, Hyuck. Hyung is sorry. I did this to you. As long as you stay with me, you will always be in danger. Don’t hate me. Hyung is really sorry.”

Unable to hold back, Donghyuck cried as soon as Johnny raised his head up to look at him, hair askew and eyes swollen, not because of the crying done that day, but one that spoke of days of doing so. He hated to see his eldest hyung crumble in front of him. He pulled at the other’s hands in a clear gesture of “Come here”. 

Johnny went into the hug with a tint of hesitation that erased itself just as his face was cradled in the crook of the younger’s neck. Donghyuck loosened his grip on the other’s wrist and let them smoothen out his hair, mumbling out consolations, causing the other man to sniffle and sob alternatively as he told him again and again that he didn’t blame him, that he would never do it, that he’d rather die than blame the man who helped him through the worst of times for something completely out of his control.

“Did you… did you see Mark?”

Johnny asked, voice hoarse and cracking halfway as he whispered it, still letting the younger man hold him. Donghyuck shook his head, the other man pulling away as he did.

“Jaehyun-ah, take him to Mark.”

Jaehyun smiled at him, his eyes curving at the action, face a mirror of affection and concern. Jeno moved out of the way as Jaehyun gripped the handle firmly, Johnny getting up and dropping a kiss on Donghyuck’s greasy hair. 

He turned to Yuta in hesitation.

“Tell him I said hey.”

Yuta said, the biggest “Go to him” he’ll ever get from the man.

Jaehyun wheeled him away, Jeno watching him closely, his eyebrows unfurrowing as the market analyst smoothly moved Donghyuck to Mark’s room.

“Tired?”

Jaehyun asked, still wheeling Donghyuck through the corridor. Donghyuck shook his head in a negative. Jaehyun smiled at the nurse coming out of Mark’s room. 

The woman stopped in her tracks, looking at the elder man.

“Is this him?”

Jaehyun nodded.

“His vitals are stable. Dr. Kim just visited. He suggested some more days. He’ll be fine. Don’t worry, Mr.Lee. Take care of yourself as well.”

She said, facing Donghyuck and smiling lightly. Donghyuck thanked her, desperate to see Mark who was just a few steps away from him. As if sensing his desire, she waved at them and walked past.

His hands immediately went up to cover his mouth as he saw Mark lying on the bed, hooked up to more monitors and fluids than he was. His head was bandaged heavily, the gauze wrapped taut, only a few stray strands of obsidian hair visible. 

Jaehyun rolled him closer to the bed, a grounding presence behind him. He touched Mark’s skin which was cold from the air conditioning in the room and grimaced, head flooding with thoughts of how the other was always warm; never too cold or too warm, just the perfect temperature. His breathing fogged up the oxygen mask on his face. He placed his visibly trembling hand on top of the other’s head, moving his hair which had grown longer, veiling his eyes. 

The heart monitor beeped steadily and Donghyuck’s anxiety lulled the more he concentrated on it.

“Talk to him, Hyuck. We all do it.”

Jaehyun said, pulling away from him. Donghyuck immediately took his hand off Mark and grasped on to the other to stop him as if saying “Stay”. 

Jaehyun got the message and stood still.

“Hey, Mark hyung. I hope you are feeling okay. I am good, so don’t worry about me. I thought… when I blacked out… I thought that I’d lost you. Please be okay. I will take care of you okay?” He paused, breath stuttering in reminiscence of something.

“We promised to try, remember?”

Mark’s heart beat sped up and Jaehyun encouraged him to keep talking, so Donghyuck did, as his chest filled with warmth and sadness at the response he was giving him, even in an unconscious state.

“How will we try if you land yourself in situations like this? I don’t want you to ever pull a stunt like this again. I wish you had waited for some backup. I would have been fine anyway. You make me so happy, hyung. Even now… even with your eyes closed, you’re making me happy, happier than anyone has ever made me. I want you to get better, hyung. I want you to come back to me. I need you here by my side. I’m sorry you’re hurting, hyung. I am so sorry that I’m hurting you.”

Somehow, Jaehyun knew that Donghyuck wasn’t talking about the incident alone. He and Taeyong had hoped for the pair to adjust to one another. They had done their duties as Donghyuck’s brothers by doing a background check on Mark after Donghyuck nodded his assent to the wedding. They had been sceptical but Taeyong had told him that he had a “feeling” that Mark was _it_ for his dongsaeng. 

After their first dinner, their feelings were confirmed and they were overjoyed that at least something the good-for-nothing mother did, proved to be beneficial to Donghyuck. They hadn’t been totally on board with the idea of the wedding after just two months, but Donghyuck had reminded them that it wasn’t his choice, and that it was an order no matter how much he liked Mark. 

Another realization dawned on him as he looked on at the conversation between the conscious and the unconscious.

“You haven’t told him yet.”

Jaehyun stated, the shock palpable in his voice. Donghyuck blanched.

“Yeah, but he knows something is wrong.”

He answered in a shaky voice. Jaehyun shook his head, walked to the side and sat down on one knee after turning the chair so that Donghyuck faced him. 

Donghyuck looked disoriented.

The elder man put his hand on the other’s knee and smiled up at him.

“Sweetheart, I am talking about something else.”

Donghyuck gave him a questioning look.

“I don’t understand, hyung. What do you mean?”

Jaehyun looked at the ground and shook his head, before sighing.

“You haven’t told him that you love him, have you?”

Donghyuck swung his head delicately in denial, confirming Jaehyun’s suspicions.

“You have to. You do right?”

Donghyuck nodded frantically, the pain in his head secondary.

“It’s been a year since your marriage. It would have been fine if you weren’t in love with him yet, but you are. You need to let him know. It doesn’t matter if he’s in love with you or not. He deserves to know.”

Donghyuck didn’t tell his hyung that Mark had tried to confess to him a month ago, that Donghyuck had asked him to wait till he was sober. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to live with the fact that his husband’s first time saying he loved him was a drunken confession. So he had asked the other man to wait even if it was not in so many words.

“I know. I’ll tell him, hyung. Soon.”

Donghyuck promised. Jaehyun smiled in response, knowing that the _soon_ would come with a lot of contemplation and over thinking, but also knowing that it would inevitably happen. 

When the younger man asked him for help with getting up, Jaehyun hadn’t expected the other to lean over and softly peck Mark on the forehead. He felt like he was eavesdropping on a silent private conversation between his dongsaeng and his husband but since he had no other choice, he looked up at the ceiling and the walls, anywhere but at the pair.

“Will you take me to Doyoung hyung?”

He asked, sitting and straightening up with a fair share of aching sighs. Jaehyun asked if he was sure he had the energy to pay someone else a visit to which Donghyuck hummed an affirmative, saying that he didn’t want Doyoung to think he didn’t care.

Sure enough, the elder man was excited at seeing his dongsaeng up and about or rather _wheeled_ up and about. He didn’t let the pain show on his face as he broke into his usual nagging self, avoiding the topic of someone stabbing and nearly killing him. 

Jaehyun still felt guilty about not saving Doyoung on time. He had been held down by a heavier man when the knife was plunged into the other’s stomach but Doyoung had reassured him multiple times that he was fine; that he didn’t blame him. There was no point in regretting and dwelling in the past because it’s not like he owned a time machine to go back and redo the things so that the possibility of his friends getting hurt was completely erased. 

Jaehyun cut their conversation off when he noticed that both of them were pushing themselves a bit too hard, the exhaustion showing.

Jeno rolled Donghyuck to his room, Johnny helping him get on the bed, nearly lifting him like a child and placing him on the bed. Jeno had made a stupid comment about how Johnny should audition for Superman, gushing on about “rock solid abs and biceps”, exclaiming “Goals!”.

Johnny left after getting a phone call, eyes still apologetic which Donghyuck waved off.

Jeno settled on the side, sipping at the coffee Taeyong brought him since the elder had to go home to get a change of clothes. His husband’s best friend smiled at him and patted him on his forearm. He was sure that had it not been for the limited visiting hours in Mark’s room, the other man would have camped inside, but something told him that he would have tried to make sure Donghyuck was alright too. 

He felt eternally grateful as he returned the eye smile Jeno never seemed to run out of.

“I am glad you are awake. Now, we just have to wait for him to wake up. Sleep tight, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck felt loopy as the medicine kicked in fast, grunting out words of gratitude, Jeno chuckling, silently praying for Mark to get better soon.

***

In the coming days, Donghyuck learnt in detail what exactly had transpired. He was informed by Johnny about how his family owned a bodyguard firm along with their business. They had taken in a few Japanese men as trainers and one of them was from the Adachi clan. The clan gave them a lot of trouble when they started out since they were the ones who provided guards for the business magnates and aristocrats in almost all of Korea. 

When Johnny’s family branched their services from America to Seoul, the clan expressed their disapproval by taking out their own member in a shooting. Yuta and Johnny were asked to be alert for all potential threats. 

On the day of Minseok’s engagement party, Yuta and Johnny noticed late into the night that there were several clan members who had got into the party due to some moles in their tightly knit security team. But except the incident with Donghyuck, the night had carried on without issues. The man who teased Donghyuck had no connections with the clan too; both the lawyer and the Japanese male regretting the unnecessary panic. 

Fast forward to two months later and Johnny had recruited some new members to their firm thinking that the clan was finally done with the beef. 

But they clearly weren’t. 

When the lawyer found that one of the members were spying on them for the clan, he had asked Yuta to handle it; the other man hadn’t been too nice about it and had sent the spy with a clear warning.

On the eventful day, which was three days after they released the spy to the clan, Johnny was finishing a discussion with his client at the court after winning a case when his phone pinged with a notification.

_Let’s check your ability to be in multiple places at one time. Game over, Seo Youngho._

He had frozen for a moment before rushing to action. 

Calling Yuta to get to Donghyuck and calling Jaehyun and Doyoung to ask where they were; all around struggling to get his mind to work.

He had known that Taeyong would be safe after calling the security at his company. He was glad Jaehyun was fine but seeing Doyoung bleeding out as he breathed out “I’ll be fine” over and over was probably the second worst scene he had ever had to see. When there was no response from Mark after the first call where he asked him to get to Donghyuck, Johnny had unwillingly asked Jaehyun to get Doyoung to the hospital, ringing up Jeno to get to the hospital fast. 

The first worst scene was witnessed as he arrived at Mark’s house, seeing the three SUVs parked in a line, the gate wide open. His backup crew had arrived at the nick of time but Johnny had still assumed the worst when he saw the three men lying in a puddle of their blood, the Adachi clan members smirking at him challengingly. He saw red, blanking out to fight mode as he and his men battered the others to the ground. 

The paramedics had rushed in halfway through the fight, their focus on the injured ones, completely ignoring the brawl happening in the room. The police arrived just in time to stop him from killing the man who kept talking about how “that boy was really cute trying to shield Nakamoto”, pointing at Donghyuck.

That was it. 

Donghyuck had got up and stood, hugging his hyung as he apologized repeatedly into his neck. Doyoung had yelled “Group hug!” and joined the hug, only serving to remind Donghyuck that there was someone major missing. 

Mark. His heart called out, longingly.

He was glad that he learnt to walk with the help of his crutches even if Jaehyun had taken it upon himself to help him with piggybacks everywhere.

Donghyuck tried hard to keep his emotions in check when Mark’s parents finally flew in from the States. It was just two days after he woke up that he got up from an afternoon nap at hearing a stifled gasp and sniffling coming from his side, only to see Mark’s parents standing at his bedside.

“Oh, honey. We’re so happy you’re fine. We’re sorry we didn’t come sooner.”

It’s safe to say that there was a lot of tears and Donghyuck’s chest ached when every line he said began with the name of his husband. Mark’s mother had asked him if his mother visited and he had frozen. Taeyong had jumped in then with an excuse of how she was in LA for a business deal, drawing parallels to how Mark’s parents were stuck in America, saying that she called every day to check on him.

When Donghyuck was discharged a week later, Jeno drove him home. He had refused Jeno’s offer to help him. The other had sent him a look of disappointment before driving away, promising to be back in two hours so that they could visit Yuta and Mark at the hospital. 

Walking into the kitchen, he was suddenly hit with a panic attack as he saw the dish on the stove, the bulgogi he made for Mark probably rotting in it. His chest felt like someone had drilled holes in it to drain it of Mark as he gasped for breath, blacking out on the floor for a few seconds before he gained consciousness. 

An ache lodged deep in his veins as he found himself thoroughly missing Mark's warmth and presence, everything in the house reminding him of the elder and the day. All he wanted was for Mark to wake up soon. 

Everything would be fine then, he told himself.

Mark woke up, a week later and exactly three days after the doctor weaned him off the pentobarbital. Donghyuck had rushed forward, his eyes betraying him as they filled with tears at the fond blink Mark did at him. 

It was a haze after that as the doctor and the nurse came in, followed by the gang, Yuta in a wheelchair pushed forward by Johnny, Jaehyun and Taeyong breathless with Doyoung crying happy tears. Jeno arrived fifteen minutes later, crying and cursing at the married man, fanning his face and repeatedly reprimanding himself for being a drama queen, holding onto Donghyuck who was mirroring him as Mark softly laughed at them, calling them “fond idiots”.

Donghyuck and Jeno had pouted in sync then, secretly euphoric at seeing their most favourite person awake.

Mark was discharged another week later with a strict warning to take a month off work. His parents said that they could look over the company for a month and asked him to not act like a “spoilt brat who thinks he created the empire he was handling”, voice teasing and veiling their concern. The black-haired male had shut up after that, looking to Donghyuck for support, the younger male squeezing the other’s hand with his good hand. 

His wrist was still healing. 

Mark’s mother eyed their looped hands and sent him a not-so-subtle thumbs up, turning his ears red. Yuta was released from the hospital two days after Mark was, moving with Jaehyun and Taeyong into their flat due to their constant whining and insisting saying they should protect their “superhero sensei”.

Johnny and Jeno helped the couple relocate some of their stuff to the downstairs bedroom with the view due to Donghyuck’s adventures with the crutches and because “We don’t want you to hit your head and die after falling down the stairs”. 

Mark whined about missing his room but ended up sputtering when Donghyuck pecked him on the cheek and said “I don’t mind. Anywhere is home with you.” 

Since their appointments lined up with Yuta and Doyoung, it was Johnny who always drove them to the hospital. Jeno and Jaehyun alternated too if the lawyer was busy with court stuff. It was Johnny’s way of showing he cared and they let him do it in hopes that he would stop blaming himself so that he wouldn’t crash and burn into a vortex of hate.

***

A month comprising of hospital appointments and waking up gasping for air or to see one staring at the other followed. After a long time, Donghyuck didn’t have nightmares about locked doors and cigarette blunts. Instead, he dreamt of Mark being pushed into the raging waves of the ocean or him rowing his boat to the horizon or Donghyuck returning with his coffee in time to see Mark’s heart monitor flatlining, the long beep ringing in his ears. 

Mark dreamt of Donghyuck being stabbed instead of Yuta as the elder man cried when Mark arrived, only to see his husband’s bloody and cold body cradled in the other man’s hands. Their grips had become tighter, and they never acknowledged the fear that bordered on paranoia but it faded to a bearable hum in the back of their mind.

One would assume that Donghyuck would lose his mind after being nearly beaten to death because of the trauma contributed by his mother. But he wasn’t that weak. He took great pride in being able to compartmentalize his emotions. 

There were the occasional slip-ups but who didn’t have them? 

We were only human, after all.

One day, towards the end of their suggested one month break or rather Mark’s, Donghyuck drove him to the Han river, wrist and ankle healed, as he complained about turning into a vampire, averse to the sunlight. It was a perfect moment to let the other know how he felt, but Donghyuck knew that he owed the other a confession about something else too. 

He zipped his mouth shut and threw the key into the river just like Mark was throwing pebbles into the long stretch of water. One day and preferably soon, he hoped he would be able to take a dive to retrieve the key to let Mark know that he loved him.

On their way back home, Mark asked Donghyuck to drive to the ice cream parlour, hoping that Jisung was the one manning the shift despite it being only evening. To their surprise, the shop was filled with customers but they saw the familiar shock of light brown hair behind the counter along with a couple of boys who looked to be the same age as Jisung. 

The boy had strode over to the table, excited at seeing the couple. He yelled out that he was taking his twenty-minute break and plopped down next to Mark. He listened with rapt attention as Donghyuck gave him a rough overview about why they hadn’t visited in a month or so. 

For the first time in the time they had known him, Jisung had ice cream with them. They left when Jisung’s break was over, waving at the other boy, promising to come back soon.

They returned home that day with satisfied smiles, Mark thanking Donghyuck for taking him out. 

Mark lied on his lap and Donghyuck simply ran his hands through the other’s hair, smiling at him in response, making sure to stay still so that he wouldn’t jolt the other’s head much.

The couple went back to work in their respective offices a week later than expected due to Dr. Kim’s advice that another week would benefit Mark’s recovery greatly. Donghyuck was still hesitant in letting the other go to work, and he made sure that the other knew he was concerned. 

Some days, the black-haired male came home after Donghyuck picked him up on his way home since the other was still banned from driving and collapsed in the room downstairs, sighing as his body hit the bed. Donghyuck knew that the other was unable to do the things he did like before, constant headaches and fingers feeling numb along with a plethora of other issues hindering his productivity. He knew because he had them too, but clearly not as severe as his husband. Donghyuck could do only so much with head and neck massages and running his hands through the other’s hair as he dozed off on his lap. 

He knew his husband was pushing himself too hard, too fast but calling him out on it often ended with Mark giving him monosyllabic answers; every “Hyung, are you sure you’re okay?” met with uncharacteristically serious “Yeah.” with no room for more questions. Mark’s mother’s worried calls didn’t ease Donghyuck’s increasing worry.

When he tried to get Taeyong involved, it ended with Mark excusing himself to the washroom of the restaurant, coming back with a forced smile. The frustration of not being to work like before was weighing him down, but Donghyuck’s attempts to help were rejected harshly with single worded snaps.

Their ice cream dates had halted with no words spoken as Mark stayed up at night to make up for the work he couldn’t complete. 

Some nights were not as bad as others with Mark apologizing to Donghyuck for snapping at him and kissing his forehead, holding him close. But Donghyuck’s heart broke when Mark sneaked out of bed to go to the study downstairs to work more. He lied awake on those days, hating the existence of the cursed day. 

Mark was stretching himself too thin, and he refused any help that came his way. He still smiled at him like he hung the moon, but that didn’t matter to Donghyuck when his sun was self-combusting into not existing.

The problem reached its culmination after their company landed a deal with a construction company based in London, Wichencraft stocks. Mark was made the project head, and since it was exclusively in affiliation with the Lee Builders, Donghyuck was limited in the help he could offer. 

Jeno updated him on the project and made sure Mark ate on time and left office when he did. Donghyuck was grateful for the other’s help. As the project’s deadline lurked closer, Mark’s behaviour deteriorated. Jeno caught a fever in the last week, increasing Mark’s workload exponentially.

Three days before the set deadline, Donghyuck got up half past four to a cold bed. He trudged down the stairs quietly, opening the door to the study to see Mark wiping at his nose desperately with shaking hands clutching a bloody towel.

“HYUNG, WHAT IS GOING ON??”

He shouted, unable to keep his voice down at the sight. Mark winced at the volume, looking up at Donghyuck with eyes that seemed like they would never rid it itself off the redness that had become a constant. 

Donghyuck walked cautiously to the elder and helped him hold the towel to stop the blood, unaware of the tears rolling down his cheeks until Mark wiped at them. He made the other sit down on the chair and went into the kitchen, getting a small plastic bag and filling it with two ice cubes. He returned with the bag and softly placed it on the other’s nose bridge. 

After about fifteen minutes or so, when the bleeding finally halted, Mark spoke up, his hand on Donghyuck’s hand holding the ice.

“Hyuck, I’m sorry...”  
Donghyuck removed the bag of ice and looked at the ground. A frown of disappointment found its way to his face.

“I know you are. But it doesn’t help me when you keep doing this to yourself despite apologizing every single time. What if the bleeding hadn’t stopped? What if something serious happens to you and I am not there?”

He asked, voice growing agitated as his mind thought up the worst case scenarios possible.

“I just... I can’t do this like I used to. This deal is huge. I can’t let this get away from our company because I got knocked down by a baseball bat.”

He said, voice an odd mix of conviction and hesitation.

“Hyung, nothing matters more than your health. I don’t know to get this through to you, but a million dollars would be worth shit if it meant losing you. You got hit by a baseball bat, sure; but it was a hit that required two weeks worth of a medicine induced coma to even start healing. I just... I am not asking you to stop working. I know you love what you do. I am just asking you to let me help. I am asking you to stop neglecting your health.”

Mark moved forward, promising Donghyuck that he would listen to him as he hugged him. The air still smelt like iron, and Donghyuck wanted the deal to be over so he could finally coax Mark to take a small break again. His hands unconsciously tightened around the elder man, Mark laughing into his ear telling him that he was like a boa constrictor at times. 

That night or rather, morning, it was not Donghyuck who was wrapped up in the other’s embrace but vice versa. Having Mark in his arms reduced the worry in his chest. 

Maybe, they’d be fine.

He knew he was wrong when he woke up two hours later to an empty bed causing him to sigh in defeat.

***

“Hyung?”

Donghyuck called out, brows furrowed in confusion at the loud voices before it stopped altogether.

“Donghyuck-ah, tell me.”

Doyoung asked, voice breathless.

“Were you busy?”

The other man didn’t reply and Donghyuck laughed as he imagined the other man shaking his head in a negative.

“Hyung, if you are shaking your head, I can’t see you.”

Doyoung snorted.

“Okay, smartass. I am not busy. I was just watching a cooking show. Johnny hyung says my cooking sucks. I was learning some dishes to surprise him.”

It was Donghyuck’s turn to snort.

“I need help with something.”

He paused.

“I’m listening.”

Doyoung said, voice immediately serious.

“Mark hyung has been overworking himself so much lately. He has a project deadline coming up and today morning I went down after waking up to see him with a bleeding nose.”

Doyoung gasped on the other side.

“Shit! Is he okay? I heard about him pushing himself a bit too hard but I didn’t think it was to this extent.”

Donghyuck sighed.

“He is. I don’t know what I am supposed to do, hyung. I am lost.”

Doyoung cooed in response to the younger man’s statement.

“Darling, he’ll be fine. It’s just two more days, right? Ask him to take a break after it. Be stubborn. Even if he gets angry, just let him know that you want him to take care of himself. If all else fails, do what I do. Just kiss him silly.”

Donghyuck blushed at the thought, not knowing how to tell his hyung that their first kiss had been their last kiss too. Recently, the younger man had taken a liking to cheek kisses which always left Mark speechless and stuttering, forgetting whatever he was thinking of saying.

“Hold on. Johnny hyung?”

Doyoung hummed before giggling like a lovesick teenager.

“Johnny hyung.”

He confirmed.

“Finally.”

Donghyuck declared, making Doyoung chuckle in amusement before he went off on a rant about how getting stabbed by a clan member had put things in perspective for both of them. Donghyuck was pleased, to say the least at his second OTP coming true but felt guilty at being so immersed in his life that he missed out on such an important event in his hyungs’ lives. 

Doyoung waved away his apologies before getting back to the topic in question.

“You know what? Cook for him. Ask him to come early after the project. Surprise him with dinner. Bake him a cake or something. I heard he liked red velvet. Taeyong hyung has a kickass recipe.”

The idea had great potential, and Donghyuck hung up the phone thanking his hyung, wishing him luck with his cooking endeavours. He got the recipe for the cake from Taeyong and plotted an elaborate plan in his head. 

Maybe this was a sign from the universe to tell Mark everything.

_Everything._

***

On the day before the plan, Donghyuck’s phone rang, a name that he dreaded appearing on the screen. His hands shivered, and all Donghyuck wanted was to be strong for once against whatever she was going to say.

“Four bells, Donghyuck. You’re getting daring. I hope you realize what would have happened had I been there.”

No hello. No enquiries about how he was. She was calling him after months and she was still the cold icicle that went through his heart, making him gurgle on his own blood.

“I apologize, mother.”

He didn’t add an excuse. She never liked them anyway. 

Acceptance was always better than rebellion. He had learned that the hard way.

“Mark is going to land that deal tomorrow. At least someone is making use of the merger to bring something to the company.”

Her words were poison but anything that complimented Mark, even at the cost of his own character being degraded was good in his book. He willingly poured it down his throat, keeping silent, knowing that she didn’t want a response to that statement.

“How did you not die? The Adachis never leave behind survivors but somehow all of your little pathetic gang survived. I am glad to hear about Mark though.”

Rinse. Repeat. _Do not talk back. She is a radio. Do not engage._ Rinse. Repeat.

She hummed a song under her breath and the familiarity of it made bile rise in Donghyuck’s chest which he forcefully swallowed down. He could hang up any time he wanted to. She would not call him back but he was not willing to experience a car crash all over again for a few moments of solace he would get from hanging up.

“How’s married life?”

He was thrown for a loop for a second before he retained his senses.

“It’s fine, mother.”

She guffawed on the other side of the line.

“Of course it is. Nothing but the best for the son I never loved.”

She was a paradox. She was scalding hot tea forced down his throat burning his throat. She was freezing cold snow he was buried under. She didn’t love him but she didn’t need to remind him every time. He remembered anyway. She always made sure that he did.

“I am glad that you’re keeping the company relevant by your public appearances with Mark. You’re selling the image well. At least, you are good at selling yourself.”

 _Must not cry. There are no tears in you. You don’t feel. Don’t answer. She doesn’t need an answer._ Rinse. Repeat.

“When are you visiting home?”

Not a home. The answer was a resounding no, but he was never allowed to voice his opinions. This time was no different.

“Next month is your father’s death anniversary. You should come home like you always do.”

He had forgotten about it; about how his mother always made him visit his father’s grave, making him place a bouquet of baby’s breath, pale green and pure white, the stems always crushed under his grip, on the grave.

“I will.”

He said, voice clear.

“Take good care of your husband. Mark Lee is vital to the company.”

She didn’t wait for his response, hanging up just as she finished saying the words.

He leant back on the couch, pulling his tie off, eyeing the clock that said 7:34.

_One more day. Tomorrow onwards, Mark will be here early._

He consoled himself, shutting his eyes and trying not to step into his own version of Pandora’s box. 

He needed his spirits for the day after.

***

Donghyuck hurriedly shoved the door open as the lock clicked. He had taken a half day off just to get home in time and cook for his husband, preparing for the dinner. He smiled to himself as he placed the grocery bags on the counter. His mother’s call yesterday was forcibly shoved down the memory lane in favour of Mark. 

He could wallow in it later. _Maybe..._ He scrapped that line of thought at its inception itself.

Donghyuck hummed songs to himself as he cut up the vegetables before he went upstairs to get Mark’s Bluetooth speaker. He connected his phone, humming and singing along with all the songs that came on. 

When a particular Sam Kim track came on; Mark’s favourite, he stopped what he was doing and closed his eyes, letting it sink in that he was in love with his husband. The thought made him smile, the song reminding him of the infinite times it played as they shared a pair of earphones on the banks of the Han river, letting themselves bask in some minutes of free time. 

Mark tended to talk at length, but he always kept quiet for the few minutes it took for the song to finish, the experience accentuated with some well-timed glances. Donghyuck was sure that he used to look like a tomato in the beginning when Mark mouthed the lyrics at him, but he had grown so fond of the other man that he only smiled at him now with what Jeno called “the ultimate heart eyes”.

Jeno called him around 4, letting him know that they had won the deal; fair and square. Donghyuck felt pride seize his chest, excited for Mark’s arrival. His husband’s best friend told him that they needed an hour or so at the office and another hour at the other company’s branch office.

Donghyuck thanked the other man and hung up.

Time flew past and even at 7:48, there was no sight of Mark. Jeno’s phone was off, and Donghyuck remembered the man telling him that someone else would be dropping Mark home since he had to go visit his parents at Daegu that evening. Mark’s phone rang when he tried, but after an hour worth of calling the other with no response, his spirits had begun failing him. 

Time ticked by and his calls at 9 met with an electronic voice telling him that the number he was calling was switched off. Donghyuck eyed the clock, watching the hands of the clock move slowly but surely. 

Somewhere along, he fell asleep and when he woke up two hours later, Mark was still not home.

Donghyuck should have known that this would happen. 

He trode with slow steps to the kitchen, heart aching with disappointment, but still incapable of blaming his husband. Just when he closed the refrigerator door after drinking some cold water, he heard the sound of the front door opening. 

His feet refused to move as he stared at Mark who eyed him from the end of the hallway, slowly walking to him.

“Why are you up so late?”

Donghyuck laughed internally, finding the joke his life had turned into, extremely and painfully funny.

“Were you waiting up for me?”

Mark asked, gaining no response.

Donghyuck stared at the other challengingly, disappointment etched on his countenance.

“We got another offer today from a builder based in Busan. I thought I’d make sure we’d have a head start. The project deadline isn’t for another three months.”

Donghyuck gave no response as the elder man loosened his tie, pulling at the cloth with fatigued hands. Any other day, Donghyuck would have helped him with it and coaxed him to go sleep, but the younger man was done watching his husband work himself to an early grave.

“Just spit it out, Donghyuck.”

Mark said, voice and stance evidently both stressed and tired with a hint of anger.

“Should I? Will you listen to me this time like the hundred times before?”

Mark sighed.

“What’s your problem, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck laughed out.

“My problem? My problem, _Mark,_ ” he stressed on the name making the other realize that he was not joking around, ”is that you are working too hard. I get that you love what you do and that you love the company but do you know how hard it is to stand by and watch you kill yourself slowly?”

Mark sighed again.

“I should have known. All you tell me these days is about how I’m working too hard. It’s because I want to, okay? This company is the result of my dad’s lifetime worth of hard work. I will not let it hit the ground because I’m in pain.”

Donghyuck gripped the counter tightly, the veins in his arms standing out at the strain it put on them. His wrist ached but it still wasn’t enough to make him loosen the death grip.

“Pain. So you admit you’re in pain? You’ve been in pain for two months, hyung. You wake up in the middle of the night clutching your head and push painkillers down your throat. You look at me thinking I’m asleep and then instead of lying back down, you kiss me on my forehead and you go down to the study. You are pushing yourself too hard. Do you even remember what happened two days ago?”

Donghyuck asked, voice cracking at multiple places as it got harder to breathe, the panic of what he would do if Mark never stopped being a workaholic settling in his sinews.

“I do. I am fine. I will be at least. You don’t have to worry so much.”

He said, softly.

“I have to… because you never will. How many times have you broken your promise hyung? How many times did you tell me that it was just one more day, two more hours, a few more minutes, only to not come home till 2 or 3 at night? Even today, you promised that you’d be back by six at the maximum. It’s one, hyung and I am sure that you didn’t mean six in the morning when you said six. Your phone was off and I was worrying so much here while you were drowning in your work.”

Donghyuck spat the word out as if it revulsed him and it did. He could never like anything that was keeping Mark from him.

“Would you please just stop overreacting, Donghyuck? I get it, okay? Everyone makes sure I do. Every time I meet up with Taeyong hyung or Doyoung hyung or Johnny hyung or Jaehyun hyung or even my best friend who is supposed to be on my side… all they tell me is “don’t push yourself too hard”, “take it easy, Mark”, “take care of yourself, Mark” but guess what, I AM NOT FUCKING DISABLED OKAY?”

Mark’s voice thundered through the silence of the night. 

Donghyuck flinched back at the loudness, willing his heart rate to stay calm, a mantra of _“It’s just Mark”_ on loop in his head, all arguments disappearing from his sphere of thought.

“Hyung… we just want you to...”

Mark cut him off with the crash of glass on the wall opposite them.

Donghyuck’s hands immediately came to cover his ears, heart in his throat. His husband took the plates on the side and threw them collectively against the wall, the sound of glass shattering echoing loud and clear, even through the shield over his ears created by his hands.

“I WANT EVERYONE”, another glass cracking to smithereens, “TO STOP”, another, “CODDLING ME SO MUCH”, another, “AND LET ME BREATHE!” 

The final crash rattled Donghyuck’s chest and his existence.

In the ensuing silence with only the heavy breathing coming from Mark to fill it, Donghyuck was suddenly a four-year-old kid, a nine-year-old child, a seventeen-year-old teenager. 

He was young and old, anything but bold.

He was time flowing and frozen. 

He was pain personified and literal. 

He was a result of prim and proper and too harsh, scarlet manicured nails.

He was a child forced to go to sleep next to the glass shards that splintered next to his head. 

He was someone desperately in need of superheroes in the locked confines of his room. 

And then, he was a victim all over again, scared of everything, jumping at even the tiniest of sounds but for the first time, he found the courage to put the “flight” method to use as he scrambled back on his weak legs that threatened to give up on him. 

He rushed to the table, pulling the keys of his car, the need to get away the only focus. Mark stared in confusion at him, coming down from his bout of rage. Donghyuck ran out the front door, getting into his car, reversing it and driving away. 

Mark looked down to see the bloody footprints the other left on the white floor, guilt and realization slamming against him like a cannon ball.

_Donghyuck was scared of him._

In his selfish anger, he hadn’t noticed the way the other cowered, each break reflecting upon his husband and sending him back in time to some demented memory of his past.

_What have I done?_

Mark thought, tears finally making their way down his cheeks. He couldn’t drive. 

How was he supposed to go look for the other? Where did he go?

He stopped on his way to the living room, noticing the dishes lined up on the dining table, unlit scented candles placed in the gaps. He lifted the lids to see all the dishes he told Donghyuck that he liked during their whispered conversations and restaurant dates. The bigger plate hidden by a curved lid made him curious and his eyes watered more at the sight of the meticulously made and decorated red velvet cake. 

There was a white note, strategically placed on top of the cake.

_I think I want to tell you everything, hyung._

Mark's breath seized for a heart-stopping moment, suddenly realizing the implications of those nine words. He reached into his suit jacket for his phone, dialling someone semi-consciously. The bell faded out as a voice croaked out a “Hello”.

“Hyung… hyung I fucked up. I fucked up everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.. Cliffhanger(LOL)...But I'll update in a day..So no worries..Make sure to stay tuned..


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resolution to the cliffhanger is here.. I am sorry for making all the chapters so angsty.. I am shit at writing..
> 
> I listened to Stars by Alessia Cara while writing this chapter and it got me in the feeels..

“What the hell did you do, Mark?”

Taeyong gritted out, storming into the hall of Mark’s house. The younger man sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He glanced at them and leapt up immediately as the four men walked in. 

Mark grabbed his keys from the coffee table and speed walked to them, everyone except Jaehyun looking on with confusion on their faces.

“Let’s go, hyung.”

Mark said, trying to walk out the door, looking at them expectantly. Jaehyun shook his head and took the younger’s wrist in his hands, pulling him inside before closing the door.

“Hyung, you guys know where he is, right? I just need to go find him. Just let me go find him.”

Taeyong’s face softened at that, Doyoung coming forward and guiding the younger man back to the couch.

“He’ll be fine. He is probably at the river. Also, who said you could drive?”

Johnny swiped at his phone as it lit up with a notification. The frown on his face relaxed. Doyoung arched an eyebrow at him.

“Yuta’s message. He went to Ttukseom. He’s keeping an eye on him.”

Mark’s heart rate was suddenly on its way back to normal.

_Donghyuck was safe._

Doyoung put his arm around Mark’s shoulder and patted him on the back. All of them were in their sleep wear, hair unruly and faces swollen from sleep. They should be there with Donghyuck, but here they were, with the man who hurt their dongsaeng enough to make him run away from home. 

Mark felt like a withering flower at the thought.

“Tell hyung what happened, darling. We promise we’re not angry.” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at Taeyong. “We were, but we’re not angry anymore.” The man corrected.

Mark took a shaky breath and leaned forward, hands clasped tightly in between his knees.

“He…. I think he had a surprise dinner planned for me.”

Doyoung paled visibly.

“Oh hell no. Did you say you didn’t like what he made or something? Mark, he called me so many times day before yesterday and yesterday trying to make sure that everything was perfect. He even got your favourite cake’s recipe from Taeyong hyung. Please tell me it isn’t what I think it is.”

Mark shook his head firmly.

“We never got to the dinner part, hyung. I told him I would come early after the deal was fixed, but just when I was about to leave the office, I got a call from another company with an offer saying they had sent the details. I didn’t even remember that I’d promised him that I would come early.”

Taeyong made a noise of disapproval in the back of his throat.

“When I came home, it was past 1 and he was in the kitchen drinking water. I said some things. He said some things. It was mostly just me taking out my frustration of not being able to do stuff like I used to and people treating me like I’m made of glass. He kept on trying to tell me he was worried and I was just so pissed off. I threw some glasses and plates on the wall and yelled at him. I didn’t even notice that he was standing there with his hands covering his ears until I stopped. He ran away in the time it took for me to process what actually happened. He looked so scared, hyung. He looked so scared of me.” He shakily exhaled as if the sheer thought hurt him physically.

“He didn’t even realize that he walked over the glass shards. It was like he wasn’t here, you know. Like he was lost in his head.”

Taeyong and Doyoung threw each other knowing looks, Johnny and Jaehyun doing the same, contemplating whether to tell the younger man what they knew. Mark decided to put them out of their misery.

“I know there’s something wrong. Very wrong. I’m not blind, hyung and I know you guys know. He was planning to tell me today, you know. I just threw months worth of efforts to make this work down the lane with the crash of some stupid glass against the wall.”

Mark said, defeat hunching his shoulders.

“How did you know… that he was planning to tell you?”

Johnny asked, face serious.

Mark took the white note from his pocket and handed it to the elder man.

“It was there with the cake.” He paused. “I don’t know what to do, hyung. I just lost it. I will apologize for the rest of my life. I just don’t want him to be… to be scared of me. I don’t think I can live with that.”

Taeyong pulled him into a side hug before turning him and hugging him properly.

“He’ll be fine. He is your husband, Mark and he..” _loves you_. Jaehyun didn’t say. It wasn’t his place to say. 

“All I can ask is to give him time. Maybe, he’ll come back completely fine. Maybe, he will be a bit broken but he’s still Hyuck and he will come back to you, no matter how much you hurt him. I promise. You just have to make sure you don’t hurt him. He already hurts enough.”

Somehow those words pained Mark more than the situation, and he thought of a world where Donghyuck flinched away him every time he tried to touch him, a world where Donghyuck slept far from him and panicked when Mark tried to calm him down, a world where Donghyuck never got over the fear, always keeping Mark at a distance. Suddenly, he remembered something that he needed to ask the hyungs.

“Hyung, just tell me this. I don’t want any details. Just a yes or no. Was he… was he bullied?”

The word felt like fire in his mouth. 

Taeyong’s agonized laughter reverberated in the room.

“We wish he was bullied instead of what actually happened, Mark.”

Mark’s heart started pounding against his chest, Taeyong’s words not helping the tempest wrecking the landscape of his mind. He wanted his head to stop working and give him a break. All the assumptions were doing nothing to help his relationship with Donghyuck. 

He asked the hyungs to go home when an hour passed and there was no news from Yuta about Donghyuck. Even though they were hesitant on leaving Mark alone, they eventually agreed. Johnny promised to message him as soon as Yuta updated him with a grave look. All of them gave him hugs; each one with the same level of protectiveness and love.

“Ask him today. He’ll tell you. Don’t let him dodge.”

Taeyong whispered when he hugged him, lean arms enveloping him into the other's warmth.

“But hyung, I don’t want to force him.”

Taeyong shook his head, Mark feeling the motion rather than seeing it, in the tight embrace of his hyung.

“Trust me. Ask him today. Insist. It’ll be worth it in the long run. I promise.”

Jaehyun muttered words wishing him the best and for a second, Mark was stunned at how in-sync his hyungs were. He wanted Donghyuck and him to be like that. 

Even with no confessions exchanged, they were already closer than actual couples. He hoped that one stupid action would not be enough to shatter their marriage.

He stared at the tail lights of Johnny’s garnet Evoque. He was suddenly hit with the memories of their wedding day when Jaehyun pulled into the driveway for the first time. He remembered Taeyong’s soft apology; hesitant but sincere. He remembered the way Donghyuck stood in his position and stared at the car as it drove away as Mark stared at him leaning on the door. 

He wanted to go back in time and make it so that he never scared away Donghyuck.

***

It was a quarter past four and there was no sign of Donghyuck. He wondered if that was how his husband felt as he waited up for him the past two months. 

If it was, he wanted to make sure that he never put him through the agony of waiting again. 

He mentally vowed to not spend a minute more than what was demanded at the office. It was time to bid farewell to workaholic Mark. 

He couldn’t believe that he had chosen work over his husband, not just once or twice but for two entire months, even if he wasn’t actively aware that he was doing it.

Johnny messaged him saying that Donghyuck was on his way. About twenty minutes later, he heard the hum of an engine and the telltale sound of keys jingling as Donghyuck opened the door. 

Mark stayed sitting, not wanting to overwhelm the younger man. Donghyuck stared at him, face impassive.

“You’re still awake.”

He stated, voice scratchy.

“I can’t sleep without you here, Hyuck.”

Mark said, getting up from the couch but not approaching Donghyuck.

“Go to sleep, hyung.”

Donghyuck eventually breathed out, eyes closed and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Mark shook his head.

“Not until I know we’re fine.”

The brown haired male walked closer but they were still a few feet apart.

“We are fine. Now, go sleep.”

Mark groaned in frustration.

“You know that’s not what I meant. I am sorry I yelled at you. I am sorry I scared you. I was not in the right mindset. I am sorry for blowing up on you.”

He rushed out, afraid that if he slowed down he would forget what he had planned to say. Donghyuck sighed.

“I know. It’s fine. We’re fine. Just please go to sleep. You only slept for two hours last night, hyung.”

The elder male’s eyes stung at the worry Donghyuck was showing even after he reminded him of whatever was wrong and hurt him irrevocably.

“I don’t care. I just… I need to know that you aren’t scared of me. I can’t live with that, Hyuck. I can’t.”

Donghyuck looked at him in contemplation, gaze softening at his desperate expression.

“I was. For a moment, I was scared. I am not scared now. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Donghyuck shrugged off the flannel shirt he was wearing on top of the blue t-shirt and proceeded to walk to the bedroom downstairs. Mark coughed to gain his attention.

“I… I am sorry about ruining the surprise. I saw the food after you left.”

Donghyuck nodded, turning to the room before facing Mark again.

“You had dinner?”

“I ate at the office.”

Donghyuck’s expression fell. He changed directions and went to the kitchen. Mark noticed that he was still leaving bloody footprints on the floor; the deep red contrasting against the stark white of the floor.

“I am gonna put the food in the fridge.”

Mark moved closer, avoiding the glass on the floor and asked for permission to hold onto the other’s wrist with his eyes. Donghyuck stared at him for a moment, thoughts muddled and not comprehending what the elder was trying to ask before he finally understood. 

He took the other’s hovering hand and placed it on his wrist; Mark didn’t fail to notice the subtlest of flinches making his heart drop to his stomach. He shoved that thought to the side and led his husband to the kitchen table.

“Your feet are bleeding.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened as he stared down, breathing slightly heavier as he realized that he hadn’t noticed the obvious wounds under his feet. The pain hit him at the realization. He winced as Mark kneeled in front of him, lifting one of his legs and placing them on his trouser-clad thigh.

Mark pulled the first-aid box from the table’s drawer and proceeded to clean the glass out of the cuts. Donghyuck grimaced; the elder stopping for a few moments every time he did. He would have protested at the elder doing this for him, but he knew that rejecting Mark’s offer would make him assume that he was scared of touching the other man. 

Donghyuck refused to let the trauma keep him away from Mark.

“Done.”

Mark said, smiling as he wrapped the gauze tight around his feet after applying ointment.

“Thank you.”

Donghyuck breathed out, tilting his head slightly. He could see Mark’s eyes glistening with unshed tears at that angle.

“Donghyuck...”

_Don’t do this._

Donghyuck thought.

The black-haired male looked like he had a thousand questions at the tip of his tongue. Donghyuck had prepared for this, but he wasn’t sure if he had prepared enough. 

In a split second, he decided that he wouldn’t tell the other man, like the coward his mother always said he was. 

What if Mark thought he was too damaged for him?

“You were going to tell me something today. Talk to me.”

Donghyuck’s chest tightened.

“I…, not today, hyung. Please don’t make me do this today.”

Had Taeyong not told him to insist, this was the part where Mark would have stopped, but he knew he had stopped one too many times from ever letting the question slip past his lips. Today, however, was bad enough. He might as well push through what he began himself.

“I need to know, Hyuck. I need to know why you stop breathing in the middle of the night. I need to know why you space out for days on end. I need to know why some days I get the feeling that you’re not here even when you are. I need to know why you wake up crying. I need to know everything. I know there’s something wrong. I have always known. I can’t let this silence stretch on forever.”

Donghyuck exhaled shakily, pleading at Mark with tear filled eyes.

“I wouldn’t have asked today if you hadn’t left the note. I know you want to tell me. I’m here. Baby, talk to me.”

At hearing the pet name come so naturally to Mark along with the cautious but persistent tone he used, Donghyuck realized that if he stayed there a minute longer, he would break. He heaved himself up and ran to the bedroom, locking the door behind him as panic caught hold of his chest.

Mark banged on the door with clenched fists, not ready to let this go. 

Donghyuck slid down to the floor with his back to the door, Mark mirroring it on the other side. They were separated by a single wooden panel; one that divided their realities and kept them physically separated. There was only pain and distress in the air, and Mark felt suffocated by the persistent melancholy gnawing at his chest.

“I know you’re hurting. I know telling me is going to refresh every single bad moment. I know you will have nightmares for the rest of your life because people don’t heal that fast after going through the things you did. I don’t know what happened but I know it was terrible.”

Donghyuck’s sobs sounded muffled through the door, but Mark knew that if he pushed just a bit harder and let the other know what he thought, he would tell him everything and finally rid himself of the guilt. All he wanted was to get up and get the master key and force the door open but he had promised that he’d always respect Donghyuck’s wishes. He was on two planes of self-awareness, and he knew he was contradicting himself but logic rarely made sense in emotionally loaded situations like the ones they were going through.

“I didn’t ask until now because I always thought I would hinder your recovery but you aren’t getting better, baby. You smile at me even when you’re dying inside. How can I be happy when I know that my happiness is suffering? Don’t be scared of what I’ll think. I promise to not think. I’ll take you as you are even if you’re just pieces in the palm of my hands. I’ll take anything, Hyuck. But I need to know. Please, just tell me.”

Mark broke down, chest erupting with the despair he had always pushed to the corner of his heart, reminiscent of the times he thought of what made his husband flinch away before he relaxed; the times he wondered why the other was such an expert in crying silently.

“I need you, Hyuck. Any way I can get. Broken or bent or bruised.”

Donghyuck bit into his hand to keep the guttural screams he wanted to let out as the other’s words hit home.

“It’s so… It’s so… so hard, hyung. Some days, I can’t… I don’t think I’ll wake up the next day… Things are just so… so h… hard.”

He choked out, head hitting the door with a thud as he bent his neck back, mouth filling with iron from how hard he bit into the insides of his cheek.

There was silence and then the sound of Mark taking a deep breath.

“Donghyuck, baby, if it’s hard… let me make it easier for you. Let me in.”

Mark somehow had a feeling that the door would open. He stood up, wiping at his face and straightened himself out. 

There was no response for a deceiving minute or two before the door swung open to reveal a ruffled and teary-eyed Donghyuck who willingly stepped into Mark’s arms, moulding himself to the other’s body, hiding his face in the other’s neck like he always did. Mark felt a sigh of relief escape his mouth at the contact.

***

Mark listened, trying desperately to keep a straight face but lost it two sentences into the conversation. His fist clenched and unclenched with sinking despair and frustration coupled with anger, blazing and scorching hot as his husband unravelled all that was wrong with his life. 

Mark was floating and drowning in the darkness of the other’s life and all he wanted to do was find a way to defy the laws of time upon which the universe was stationed. He wanted to picture the fabric of space-time continuum and bend it into some shape that would make it possible for the events to be altered so that Donghyuck would never have to go through what he had to. But he knew that the last thing his husband wanted was to go back to a time when his mother had monopoly over his life. 

Altering time required going back to the past; the one thing Donghyuck was always running from. The past that lived as a person; cold and rotten to the core, miles away from Donghyuck, but somehow still not far enough.

When Donghyuck told him about the events that led to their marriage, Mark felt like he was having an out of body experience and not in a good way. He felt used for a moment before it hit him that his husband was the one who was being used in reality. 

Mark had the advantage of a choice. 

Their date was supposed to be something that would help Mark choose whereas Donghyuck never had that option. He was a puppet on a string pulled in multiple directions at once for the entertainment of his mother. 

Mark wasn’t stupid to assume that Donghyuck was faking it all the time. No one ever looked at someone like how Donghyuck looked at Mark if they didn’t feel the most intense of feelings for them. Every apology Mark shook his head at, was delivered with so much sincerity that it physically pained him.

Taeyong’s accident caused due to Donghyuck’s denial made him realize the brutality his mother-in-law was capable of. He tightened his arms around his husband as the other kept sobbing and choking out anything and everything he could recall which was not limited to just some incidents, but a lifetime worth of torment of a boy who was forced to live a demented life. 

It didn’t help that we tended to remember the worst things in life with a kind of vivid and tangible detail unlike the kind experienced along with happy ones.

Euphoria was always a blur. Misery never was.

Mark absorbed each and every word Donghyuck stuttered and breathed out with extreme care. He filed away all of it for the future so when and if he ever was on the path to hurting the other he could play this all over again to remind himself why exactly his husband was a fallen angel pushed down from heaven mercilessly; to remind himself why he should love him a little more every day. 

Donghyuck was showing him the purest form of trust and Mark swore that he would try harder for the other man. He had always noticed the signs but he had never realized the magnitude of the pain he was pushed through. 

Donghyuck burned and melted in the fire dungeon she pushed him into and when he screamed, she buried him in six feet of snow. She choked him and cut his air supply ruthlessly when he tried to cling to every single struggling breath.

Donghyuck hated himself. That much was clear to him. But Mark knew that he loved him and that the younger man loved him back. That much was as true a truth could ever be and Mark promised himself that he would love him so much, with all his heart, so that he would forget all the self-hatred. 

Every sob ripped from the other’s hoarse throat raised this inexplicable urge to find the pathetic excuse of a mother and woman and rip her apart, limb by limb, tendon by tendon, making sure she felt at least an ounce of the worst kind of torture she made her son go through.

He was hit with the thoughts of the number of times Donghyuck was scared to go home because he was worried about what mood his mother was in. He wondered if Donghyuck ever considered taking the easy way out and he was given the answer in the moments that followed. Mark felt like he was sinking into the ocean floor, a stone tying him down and keeping him from helping keep Donghyuck afloat.

A world without Donghyuck. Mark found himself loathing the mere thought of it.

Mark didn’t ask the other about filing a case of child abuse or reporting it, understanding why he kept it silent for so long. When Donghyuck’s breathing got heavier as he recalled the time he was locked in a room where he was sure he would die, Mark pushed the pain in him down to stay strong for the younger. He could cry in the confines of the bathroom later under the guise of a shower. What Donghyuck needed was for Mark to stay strong for him and tell him that he was safe with him.

 

The look of utter anguish on Donghyuck’s face as he watched Mark fall on the ground after the fight made even more sense now; he was scared of losing his love and his hope. Without him, Donghyuck wouldn’t have anything to hold onto and Mark swore that he would rather die than leave Donghyuck in a world which had betrayed him one too many times. 

He kissed the other’s scars from cigarette blunts she had harshly dug into his inner wrists. They had faded, practically invisible but looking at Donghyuck he knew that they were just as fresh as the day of their inception.

The scars you couldn’t see were always the ones hardest to heal.

When he was finally done, Donghyuck collapsed against Mark’s chest. Mark was sure both their arms and legs were cramped but none of them moved and with good reason. Donghyuck’s grip on his dress shirt as he crumpled the soft fabric into a ball spoke volumes of how he needed Mark there, to hold onto, to ground him and remind him of the stable earth beneath his feet.

The concept of flying evoked feelings of awe in people, but Donghyuck was a time distorted version of Icarus and Mark felt a kind of hysterical terror dilute his blood at the knowledge that the other’s wings were far too damaged from the harsh rays of the sun to ever let him fly again. It was alright though, because Mark was willing to put down his wings and his life in a heartbeat for the man he loved. 

Also, it helped that he never liked heights anyway.

“Hyung… there’s something else too...”

Donghyuck whispered as they relocated to their room upstairs after two months of its disuse. 

The sun was coming up and the other’s brown hair and tanned skin glowed from the rays of light that was spreading from the horizon. He was always glowing. He was a child of darkness but his glow was so stellar that it left Mark gaping. 

Even with tears that seemed to be never-ending running down his face, eyes tinged light cerise and face flushed pink and swollen from the exhausting reminiscence, he was easily the most beautiful man Mark had ever seen. He knew that it would continue to be so, as long as his lungs were capable of taking in the air and exhaling, as long as his heart could beat on its own, as long as the blood in his veins flowed freely, as long as he lived and a little bit more.

“Hyung?”

Donghyuck called out again, waving a hand in front of Mark as he stared at the edges and curves and slopes of the other’s face. 

He was his. 

This beautiful man who had gone through so much of agony and neglect was still breathing and he was Mark’s. If that wasn’t a miracle, Mark didn’t know what was.

“Yeah.”

Mark hummed, one hand still clasping Donghyuck’s firmly.

“I said there was… some… something else I need to tell you… I… ”

Mark instinctively leaned forward, his one hand sliding up the other’s soft cheeks, still moist from the tears. This time he didn’t ask for permission, and they kissed with their eyes wide open until Donghyuck put his hand on top of Mark’s hand on his cheek, releasing his other hand from his grip and resting it on the elder man’s neck. 

Mark put his free hand on Donghyuck’s waist and pulled him closer, the younger sighing softly when the black haired male tilted his head. Only then did they close their eyes, eyelashes fluttering shut savouring their second kiss, warm with a dash of salt and what they felt so intensely for each other. Donghyuck’s head short-circuited when Mark pulled away to speak against his lips.

“Not today. We’ll take it step by step, okay?”

Donghyuck nodded against him, lips brushing against the other’s thin and slightly chapped ones.

“I want you to tell me what you are feeling. I want you to call me when you need me. I promise to be here, Hyuck. I’ll be here as long as you want me to be. I don’t know if you believe me but I’ll keep telling you until you believe it.”

The elder man said, Donghyuck nodding and shakily breathing.

“I want you to stop all contact with her, Hyuck but I know that’s not possible. She doesn’t deserve to have any piece of you and I am not letting her break you down again. I’ll talk to her if it’s the business stuff she wants to talk about. I am getting you a new number and if she contacts you again or meets you, I want to be there. She has done enough damage.”

Then there was the feel of Mark’s protective arms enveloping him in the familiar and soothing scent of musk and the forest around him, and Donghyuck’s thoughts spiralled down to a centre point that mumbled out Mark every now and then. He wanted to make the other promise that he would take care of himself properly, but a tiny voice told him that he should let the serenity of the moment cleanse their souls; one aching from the ministrations of a fiendish woman and the other aching for the first one.

Donghyuck remembered telling himself when he was fourteen that he would just have to keep living till he found his reason to stay alive. 

He had found it. 

When the scarlet and golden beams of the sun circulated into the room in full swing, the pair were already lost in dreamland, sharing the same oxygen and knowingly or unknowingly sharing the same dream.

***

_Donghyuck looked down at his phone, worried from the lack of response from Mark. He had been trying to call him for about an hour now. It was past midnight and the operator kept telling him that the number he was calling was switched off. Mark never turned his phone off. Even in meetings, he simply put the device on silent and just as he was thinking about it, the screen of Donghyuck's phone lit up with an unknown number. Suddenly, his mind flickered back to the memory of a day that still haunted him. He picked up the call, fingers crossed for it to be a wrong number._

_“Hello?”_

_He mumbled._

_“Good evening.” Who was this guy saying good evening at midnight? “Is this Donghyuck-ssi, husband of uh...Absolutely fully capable… uh… Mark Lee?”_

_Donghyuck eyebrows disappeared beneath his fringe._

_“Uh… yeah. Speaking.”_

_There was a relieved sigh from the other side._

_“Oh, thank God. I am Namjoon. I am a bartender at Purple Vanity. Your husband is very drunk and his phone’s battery is dead. Can you...”_

_Donghyuck cut the other man off and spoke._

_“I’m coming to get him. Are you in a hurry to close up?”_

_The bartender, Namjoon, laughed airily._

_“No worries. We’re open 24/7. Take your time.”_

_Donghyuck felt the worry in his chest diminish steadily at the stranger’s reassurance. He hung up and rushed to the key holder, grabbing the keys to his Aslan._

_Purple Vanity was purple alright. The lights were entirely violets and purple with the rare cameos from pinks and blues. Donghyuck snorted mentally as he imagined Doyoung dreamily sighing if he ever saw the place. He flashed his ID to the security when the other man eyed him suspiciously._

_What was it with guards who refused to believe that he was much above the drinking age?_

_He stepped through the door to see a few customers, some tipsy men being dragged by their designated drivers and some women who looked too wide awake considering the number of shot glasses in front of them. He looked around to see a familiar man half lying on the bar counter, a blond-haired bartender smiling amusedly at him. Donghyuck speed walked to his husband, the bartender looking up at the tan-skinned man._

_“Mark-ssi, your husband is here. I think you should go home.”_

_Mark burped loudly and Namjoon snorted as he wiped a shot glass. Donghyuck smiled in recognition as the voice processed._

_“Hyuck is so beautiful, Namjoon-ssi. Like he looks at you with these wide eyes,” Mark sat up, toppling sideways and steadying himself with a hand on the counter before using his thumb and index to pull at his eyelids,” and bam!” He exclaimed, demonstrating an arrow being shot at his chest. “Sometimes, he dresses up and wears eyeliner and have I told you how pretty his eyes are… like… they’re sooo pretty... And he wears eyeliner and he turns from super cute to smoking hot.” Mark ranted on, turning his head and eyeing Donghyuck who just stared at him with an embarrassing flush on his cheeks._

_“Oh, hey beautiful. You look exactly like my husband. Get yourself a Mark too, okay? Get yourself a mark, get it?”_

_Mark winked and burst into giggles making both Donghyuck and Namjoon chuckle._

_“Hyung, it’s me. It’s Donghyuck.”_

_Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say since Mark turned his head completely to face him with wide glossy eyes before throwing his arms around him and crying into his neck._

_“I missed you so much, Hyuck. My phone died and I wanted to tell you that we had this private party because we won the deal… genius people that we are but stupid Jeno abandoned me in favour of food. Traitor!” he sniffled, “But he was drunk too so he might have forgotten me”. His lips wobbled as he sobbed again, “My best friend forgot me. Hyuck, Jeno has amnesia. He is dying. Oh my god! He will die like Augustus from that stupid John Green book.”_

_The bartender, Namjoon, Donghyuck reminded himself, laughed outright at the other’s baseless break down making Donghyuck grin into Mark’s collarbone._

_“Hyung, no one is dying, okay? Everyone is fine.”_

_Donghyuck promised and pulled away from the hug asking himself to not remember the way Mark said that he missed him so softly as if he was scared that Donghyuck was going to run away._

_“Uh… Namjoon ssi, can I get a glass of water for him to drink?”_

_Namjoon’s eyes widened._

_“Oh, believe me, I tried to sober him up too. He accused me of being a warlock and batted his hands at me and told me that he was some ancient spirit and that he lived in some enchanted forest in the mountains.”_

_Donghyuck ran a hand over his face in embarrassment. The blond-haired man in front of him just grinned, all dimples at Mark’s antics. He pushed a glass of water to him. Donghyuck smiled back gratefully._

_“Mark hyung, drink this.”_

_Mark stared at him and went off on a rant of how he would drink from even the poisoned chalice for Donghyuck, asking him if he knew Aphrodite by any chance with a straight face, sending the blonde haired man behind the counter to another bout of laughter. He gulped down the water and started singing a broken and terribly off-tune version of Crush’s Beautiful looking straight at Donghyuck._

_“Man! This is officially the best night shift ever. This guy right here is hilarious.”_

_He commented. Donghyuck flushed pink. The younger man took his wallet out and Namjoon flailed his arms at him in a universal gesture of no._

_“He actually drank only two whisky shots. His colleagues were the one egging him on to drink, especially someone who looked about the same age as yours. There was a sober and older guy with them who I assume was the designated driver, he paid the entire tab before he left.”_

_Did Donghyuck mention that he was going to kill Jeno? If he didn’t, please put that on a billboard._

_“I’m going to take him home, Namjoon-ssi. Thank you for calling me.” Donghyuck paused as he realized something. “Hold on. How did you call me if hyung’s phone was dead?”_

_“He knew your number. That’s the only time he sobered up enough to make sense.”_

_Donghyuck felt affection throw his balance out the window as his knees felt weak at the realization that Mark had learnt his number. He knew that the other didn’t even know his parents’ numbers and his lungs felt like they were being squeezed, making him feel oddly out of breath._

_He waved at the bartender and wished him a good night which the other graciously returned before walking out the door, Mark possessively glaring daggers at the men and women in the bar who eyed Donghyuck._

_When they reached home that night, Mark had turned unexpectedly pliant as Donghyuck put his arm around his shoulder and helped him in since he was staggering on his feet. He gave the elder man another glass of water which he sipped down miraculously fast._

_The talkative drunk Mark from the bar was long gone except that he was staring at Donghyuck just a bit more than usual which was already in a much different realm than what was considered normal. When Donghyuck leaned down and put the covers on top of the other man after taking his socks off for him, Mark caught hold of his collar and pulled him on top of him._

_“Hyuck, I lo...”_

_Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat as he cut the other off with a finger to his lips placed hurriedly._

_“Not now. Tell me when you’re sober.”_

_Mark looked much soberer than he looked the entire night but Donghyuck didn’t want their first confession to be a drunken one. He was saving them both from a lifetime of doubt and questions. The black haired male nodded and the younger man moved his finger away._

_“Okay.” Mark breathed out and continued, “But only if you promise to tell me when I am sober.”_

_He had known that night that he would have to tell Mark soon and when his heart skipped another beat as he stared down at his sleeping husband with his obsidian black hair fanned out on the pillow, he realized that there were two confessions he owed Mark._

_“Soon”, he told himself._

***

A week after letting Mark know about the skeletons in his closet, Donghyuck was cooking pancakes in his kitchen when his husband stumbled into the room, droopy shoulders and drowsy and Donghyuck’s. He felt deja vu crawl up his veins as he remembered their first morning at the house after the wedding. He smiled at Mark which the other returned softly, gazing at him completely enamoured.

When the other hugged him from the back with strong but lean hands, Donghyuck relaxed against him. When they sat down together to have breakfast, the younger man couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

As light streamed in from the window directly into Donghyuck’s eyes, blurring out Mark’s features but making his silhouette prominent in his line of vision, he was certain, more certain than he had ever been in his life. Certain like how the wind always travelled from high altitude regions to low altitude areas. Certain like the fact that Milky Way wasn’t the only galaxy out there. Certain like the unpredictability of the waves in the sea. Certain like nature and the uncertainty of people. 

He was certain that he would never love anyone as much as he loved Mark and that that love was here to stay. Preferably forever and stopping never.

“I love you.” He said, voice reverberating with conviction.

Mark snapped his head up to meet his gaze, glossy eyed.

“What did… what did you say?”

Donghyuck felt the corners of his mouth curve up.

“You heard me, hyung. I said I love you.”

Mark looked like someone had told him that he was living in a Utopian world and that he was the head of the oligarchy there.

“I… Donghyuck... You can’t just… I was supposed to say it first… But goddamn it!! I love you... I love you too… God...” He sputtered, getting up and pulling him close to his chest, letting Donghyuck hide his face in his collarbone as he whispered, “I love you so much” over and over again.

He pulled back and stared lovingly into his eyes before letting his gaze dart to his lips. Donghyuck stood on his toes even if they didn't have much of a height difference as he pecked Mark on the lips, face red from the blush. 

Mark gave him an intense look and he felt breathless as he stared at the other. The black-haired man slid his fingers up Donghyuck's jawline and leaned in, warm puffs of air mixing with his breathing. Mark dropped his gaze to Donghyuck's lips again before looking him in the eye. He leaned in then, the kiss immediately turning into a heated one as one of Mark's hands snaked around his waist, rubbing circles into the sensitive skin there. 

When Donghyuck's breath stuttered, Mark smiled into the kiss and pulled away after a second, staring at him for another moment before going in for another kiss, though shorter than the one before. When Mark pulled away again to rest his forehead against his, Donghyuck felt like every part of him that was made of stardust had finally come alive.

They didn’t need elaborate gestures or starlit skies to tell each other that over and over again because everywhere was as perfect as the most beautiful place in the world as long as they were together.

***

Just like they had expected, there was not much of a change since the day of the reveal. The secrets were out and Mark loved Donghyuck with all his heart just like he had promised to. They had worked it out and if there was even the minuscule amount of change there, it was in the nights. 

When Donghyuck had nightmares, Mark no longer had to lie there like he was sleeping and pretend. Now, he could kiss the other man awake no matter how bad the nightmare was and the look on Donghyuck’s face made Mark want to wake him like that every day. 

Even with dried tear tracks or fresh ones falling down the sides of his face, Donghyuck always mustered up the strength to smile gratefully at his husband every single time without fail.

Being in love with Mark and being able to have him be his everything made falling asleep a tedious and useless task because finally, reality was far better than dreamland where everything had its vicious and terrifying side; where everything had a price. He swore that he would never be that person who lived in the past and its terrible memories when a better, brighter future was standing right next to him, his hands outstretched and whispering about love. 

With Mark, he realized that love was not measured by the hands of a clock but by moments, that heartbeats were not supposed to be treated as life-giving thuds but as conversations between each other; that home didn’t always mean a place but that it could be a person.

When Mark showed up at random times and caught him off guard, his chest warmed. Finally, letting out what they had both felt opened up a new kind of intimacy that wasn’t there before, and Donghyuck revelled in the way he felt every time Mark smiled at him, knowing exactly what the man was trying to convey with his eyes. He had already known it, but their feelings and instincts about each other were heightened and their ability to read each other grew steadily. Sure, it had its margin of errors but they never stopped trying.

Donghyuck had been hesitant at first for leaning on Mark for support since he didn’t want to be the one who always took and never gave. So whenever he felt the familiar guilt scratch its sharp claws against his throat, he hugged Mark a little tighter, held him and kissed him a little longer. 

Mark’s reactions always told him that the other was hyper-aware of why his grips were a little tighter or why his hands shook a little longer. But the other always smiled at him and kissed him on the forehead; a silent gesture of reassurance. 

When Mark had his days when his mind wouldn’t stop going back to work hours after he returned home, Donghyuck made sure to let the other know that he was there and kept his attention away from the insistent call of the study downstairs. They talked about any and all matters of the world even going as far as having intellectual discussions about matters like utopian socialism which ended with them laughing at how they were being “fake deep”. 

Whenever Donghyuck talked about how he regretted wasting so much time before finally telling Mark that he loved him, Mark told him that it was fine, stating that it was hard to rush things that they wanted to last forever. Having Mark by his side was like having his own knight to battle the demons in his head and when Donghyuck hid behind the other’s shadow, Mark pushed him to the light telling him that he belonged there.

Mark had developed this habit of looking up and learning pick up lines and love quotes which never failed to make Donghyuck’s toes curl in embarrassment while his heart asked him to deal with it. But no matter how stupid or sappy the words were, they made him happy without fail. 

He still remembered the first time Mark did it when they were watching Train to Busan on DVD. Donghyuck had found himself losing it at the tragic ending, but Mark had simply turned to him and grinned.

“Donghyuck, did you know that me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces and a sentence without spaces?”

The younger man had taken a while to process the words. He had wiped his tears and sniffled.

“Hyung, was that… was that a pickup line?”

Mark had shot him finger guns, and Donghyuck had ended up cackling at his husband reading out stupid lines from his phone with a smug look.

***

The hardest time for Donghyuck came when Mark had to fly to America for a week for some inspection at the head office of Lee Builders. Donghyuck hadn’t been able to go since he was in the middle of doing his own project. He had been willing to pass it onto his team knowing that they would carry it out well but Mark had frowned at him and told him that it was fine. 

Donghyuck had held back the tears as the other waved at him at the airport, eyes suspiciously misty knowing that Mark would lose it if he saw him crying too. On the drive home, Donghyuck realized that they had blended their lives so seamlessly that it was difficult to even imagine the days that would follow.

Taeyong and the gang had called him up, something he was sure was courtesy of a little birdie who was on a flight to America since he hadn’t planned on letting the hyungs know of the trip, already aware of the “momming” that would follow.

And God did it happen.

Donghyuck was asked to stay with Taeyong and Jaehyun but no matter the extent of his love for the place that used to be his home, he missed Mark’s alluring scent of musk and forest on his pillow. His all-knowing hyung had noticed just like he always did and told him that he could go home to sleep; a teasing grin on his face that made Donghyuck regret several life decisions at once. He was prepared for the aeons worth of poking and teasing in every Mark related matter that would happen in the foreseeable future.

Donghyuck sighed in fake frustration. 

He loved his hyungs. 

That was as universal a truth as the sun rising in the east. 

Except for when Doyoung gave him too much information about Johnny’s stamina in bed because he didn’t want to know that and he was scarred for life, irrevocably.

Mark called and face timed him a couple of times in a day despite the time difference and Donghyuck appreciated the effort his husband was putting in even if he was 6869 miles from him, according to the internet. It was fine until the fourth day when Donghyuck woke up sweating, his chest in knots and a phantom pain in his legs, a simple incident during the day being particularly triggering. He had needed Mark there but he couldn’t blame him for his absence. 

Mark had specifically asked him to call him if he needed him there but Donghyuck let his pride get the best of him and refused to. An hour later, however, he found himself walking towards the elder man’s closet and pulling out a blue hoodie that Mark always wore to sleep despite it being nearly threadbare. In the next days that followed, he had fallen asleep with the same article of clothing, not caring about washing it. 

Donghyuck desperately dreamt of a future where he would be free from the prison his mind had crafted using his vivid memories. He wanted it to stop and sure enough, he was seeing the difference. Maybe it had always been this easy.

When Mark returned home, soon after the hugs and kisses fest was over and all thanks to his impressive ability to pick out the smallest of changes, he had opened his closet and asked Donghyuck if he had seen his blue hoodie. Donghyuck had handed it to him after picking it up from the laundry basket, ears red.

“Baby, did you wear this to sleep?”

Donghyuck had nodded, eyes on the ground.

But Mark was Mark and he was nearly perfect. So he had stepped forward muttering apologies for not being there, as if he was the reason why Donghyuck was hurting when in fact he was the major reason he was still able to keep it together; encouraging every small step he took towards recovery. 

Donghyuck had mumbled out his fair share of apologies for always taking and never giving. It was an eye-opener since they had never talked about what Donghyuck felt about Mark taking care of him. A few tears escaped; that was becoming another thing of theirs, but he knew that neither of them minded.

***

They met up with the gang frequently following the short hiatus they had taken after the big reveal, and everyone was pleased to meet at their usual restaurant. 

Yuta was absent; like he always was. 

Donghyuck wished to see him but found solace in the random photos he sent which ranged from aesthetically out of focus cluster of multicoloured umbrellas to sushi at dim lit diners to trimmed nails.

Mark’s relationship with Donghyuck thrived with love. Life was better; much better than the xerox copy he had been living mistaking it for the real deal. He wanted it to last for eternity. His greed was justified after living twenty-four years staying loyal to the shitty life the man upstairs had thrown at him, desperately clutching onto the lifelines in the form of his brothers.

So when Donghyuck woke up one fine morning to feel lips pressing butterfly kisses against his skin only for his eyes to focus on Mark who grinned down at him, his bones sang with euphoria.

“Happy anniversary, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck blinked, still sleepy and slightly disoriented. He swallowed.

“Hyung, our anniversary is a month and a half away.”

Mark wagged his fingers in the air and shook his head firmly.

“Nope. I met you first on this day. Today is the anniversary of our first date.”

Donghyuck smiled up at Mark who was supporting his weight on his elbows, looking down at him fondly.

“Happy anniversary to you too.”

Mark leaned down and whispered “I love you” in his ears making Donghyuck giggle at the tickling feeling of the other’s slightly prickly stubble.

“I love you too.”

He whispered back. He looked up at the man he loved and arched up, pecking him on his lips. Mark grinned like a loon down at him.

“Now get off you oaf, your bones are killing me.”

Mark snorted and got off before lying down next to him, sighing happily.

They were fine. More than fine. In fact, they were great.

He looked to his side to see Donghyuck’s fond smile. 

Yep. They were definitely great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave comments. I love reading what you guys think. 
> 
> PS : I didn't think that a very angsty fight after the fight from previous chapter made sense for the Markhyuck dynamic I was going for.. I tried writing it but it didn't suit them.. They're both people who don't hold grudges and I didn't wanna put them in more pain than they already were.. I am sorry if you were disappointed..(bows)


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is technically the end of this fic.. Only the epilogue left now.. PS: This is pain.. I am sorry about this..

_Donghyuck looked at the swing in the backyard. It was rusty and disintegrating, with a broken chain on one side causing the back and forth motion to be slightly hefty on one side than the other. It did not always look this bad. He was six when they moved in, and his mother had made some designer do landscaping on the outside and transform the backyard into every child’s dream._

_For him, it remained a dream, one that was just a few steps away, but one he could never set foot on._

_A Neverland with a broken swing and a broken Peter Pan._

_He could hear laughing and screeching as a group of kids cycled past the house. He didn’t have to see them, they did that every Sunday; almost as if it was a ceremony, some habit they never broke since he first saw them a year back. The voices would stay at a certain decibel until once in a few months it would increase, an addition to the group, he would think._

_He could probably make out the voices separately and distinguish who was who. Not that he knew their names. He was just able to categorize the happy noises into “the kid who had dolphin laughter”, “the kid with the mature screech”, “the kid whose voice broke every time he laughed” and so on._

_He wondered if it was possible for the group to welcome him into their tight-knit clique had he been born to some other family._

_“Be realistic, Donghyuck.”_

_His mother’s voice resonated the confines of twelve-year-old Donghyuck’s head. He had completed all his homework and even prepared for the tests scheduled for the next week. He was not supposed to go downstairs if his mother was working in the study, but he wanted to go out. He was hungry too._

_The sun was about to set. His mother would come to check on him in exactly twenty-four minutes, and he stayed near the window to close it in sync with the sound of the door of the study room when it would slam shut but to his shock, it closed after exactly seven minutes. He scrambled to close the panels of the window, leaning forward and stretching his hand out, standing on his tiptoes to reach them._

_Some minutes later, he had finally closed the window, pulled the curtains shut and hastily sat down at the study table, his math homework open as he rubbed at the last answer to write it again, just so he could have something to do with his hands when his mother inevitably came into the room._

_The tell-tale sounds of the heels she donned even at home made his heart race in fear. The pencil shook in his right hand as he willed it to stop. She would notice. She always did. He counted as the heels clicked against all the seventeen steps, the even pace making the fear weigh in with even more vigour. His ankle throbbed with the pain that had faded away from an “accident” making a comeback._

_Deep breaths. The door clicked open. He got up out of his chair and bowed at her._

_She stared at him._

_“Donghyuck.”_

_She said._

_Some days what followed were pure terror. Some days it tided over fast. Both days, his insides splintered. Words and swords cut the same skin, sliced through the same muscles and tissues, spilt the same blood, bruised the same body and broke the same child._

_“Yes, mother.”_

_He replied, voice level, just like he always did, no matter the varied intensity of the storms that followed._

_“Get ready. We’re going out.”_

_He stared wide-eyed at her for a second before flitting his glance to the floor, in fear of her threats to gouge his eyes out._

_“Yes, mother.”_

_She nodded._

_“Casual. Sneakers and jeans would do.”_

_“Yes, mother.”_

_She never let him wear casual clothes when he was told to join her for dinners which had no place for a child his age. He was always stuck in a suit, sweating buckets and the waistcoat pulling at his torso, sitting at a separate table, the waiters and waitresses throwing him glances which ranged from kind to disgusted._

_Some days, he had company if the people his mother was meeting up with decided to bring their children along, boys and girls who smiled widely and whined at their parents for the dishes they wanted in return for good behaviour and stellar manners. They bought silence with bribes and treats, while Donghyuck kept silent in the corner always cautious of the avalanche that would shake up his existence if he even moved wrong._

_When she asked if he had fun for show in the presence of others, he would smile and look up at her, nodding with enthusiasm like he saw in the movies he was allowed to watch once in a month. The others would coo and utter variations of “Your son is so well-behaved”. He always swallowed those words down with discoloured hands and a strained stretch of his lips as he bowed at a perfect right angle, sometimes biting at his lips to keep a groan from escaping if there was an injury from an intentional pull or a shove or a cane that came down too many times for him to ever count._

_“You have fifteen minutes.”_

_He knew that it was an order just like it always was, the “if you don’t” not voiced but felt anyway._

_When he got into the car that evening, the sun had set completely. His mother had asked her driver to go home as well as the new bodyguard who looked like those stereotypical bouncers outside clubs; all brawn with a high and mighty air. He had been about to get into the back seat wondering who was going to drive when she tapped him on the shoulder, the cells there dying for a moment before regaining feeling._

_“Front.”_

_He violently shoved down the urge to throw up, forcing his thoughts to not think of the ulterior motives behind her uncharacteristic behaviour._

_His mother drove fast on the long stretch of roads and slow when there was traffic. He kept still, not finding the strength to even breathe comfortably when her hands were so close to his thigh, shifting the gear at irregular intervals._

_When the car stopped in front of a pizza place, Donghyuck had let his jaw open to form an O before snapping it shut, grateful that she was too focused on parallel parking the car._

_“Come on.”_

_She urged, voice deceivingly soft._

_He followed her into the place, the door closing behind him on its own from the recoil of the shove he applied with his small hands. The inside of the pizzeria was teeming with people; toddlers crying in their parents’ hands to old men who resolutely stared at their drinks as if it offended them. It smelled like cheese and pepperoni and dough. It smelled like comfort, but it was a pity that he couldn’t relax enough to enjoy it._

_He followed her quietly as she sat down at a table with four chairs. She gestured for him to sit down opposite her. He wondered if someone had poisoned his mother or if she was having a mental breakdown, not used to actions like this from her._

_“What do you want?”_

_Had he ever heard that question out of his mother’s mouth? Did he wake up on Earth 2?_

_He looked down at his hands to count his fingers as she flipped the menu. He only had ten fingers. Nothing more. Nothing less. He wasn’t dreaming then._

_Also, since when did health conscious Park Yoona start binge eating pizza?_

_“I will have a chicken sausage and pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Donghyuck?”_

_She asked, her expression giving away nothing but curiosity. The waiter shifted on his feet as he squinted at the menu._

_“I’ll have that too.”_

_His mother ordered a chocolate smoothie for him and a strawberry milkshake for her. He resolutely kept his gaze concentrated on anywhere but her as she talked on the phone to someone. He didn’t shift his gaze from where it finally settled on the drinks vending machine in the side, not even when he felt her gaze on him several times.Was it possible to wither under someone’s eyes?_

_“Eat.”_

_It was just a single syllable but his memory told him that she had never asked him to do so. It was always his nannies shoving plates to him passively. He treasured every meal though because he was never sure if he would be allowed to eat the next meal._

_When the women who were hired to take care of him found out that his mother really didn’t give a fuck about him, the love and kindness that they had shown him dwindled down massively. It broke his heart every time but then his aunt would visit once in a while and all he would need would be the few moments spent with her. He held onto those short-lived minutes for days on end, craving the warmth of a hug or just an appreciative pat on the head or a playful ruffle of the hair._

_When he didn’t receive them, he simply told himself that he was being a greedy child._

_He ate. Even if the pizza sometimes got stuck in his throat at the looks she threw him but the last thing he wanted to do was break the peace that had seemingly fallen upon them and so he ate like she asked him to. He tried to not eat “wrong”._

_“Did you finish your homework?”_

_She asked, hand firm on the gear shift as her foot pressed insistently down on the clutch. Donghyuck blanched even if he knew that he had completed it. She hadn’t spoken anything to him except the “Eat” blurted out when the pizzas arrived._

_“Yes, mother.”_

_She nodded. He was proud for being able to keep his panic out of his voice. After all, he had experience._

_He noticed that she took an unfamiliar turn apparently with the intention to drive around for a bit._

_Understatement._

_His mother drove around the city for the next three hours and Donghyuck was pretty certain that they had circled the small town at least five times.The air conditioning was too cold and it numbed his face muscles, but he neither uttered a word nor showed any signs of discomfort. However, after the fourth drive-through, his mother switched off the cooling and lowered the glasses, wind hitting his face, open and robust._

_Ever since he could remember he had never seen his mother like this. This was the only time his mother hadn’t said or done anything to hurt him and he didn’t know whether to think about if this was temporary or just sit back and finally breathe in her presence and let the muscles in his back relax from the strain of sitting upright for so long._

_She pulled over to the side of the road and stared straight ahead as she turned the ignition off. The engine died and he could finally hear the purring of the other vehicles that sped past properly. Tail lights blazed as one by one people drove by, a stray horn here and there. It was getting late; very late but Donghyuck wanted to sit there with his mother because he felt like she needed him._

_They sat there for a long long time but Donghyuck was used to not getting proper sleep so even when she yawned hours after the time they pulled over, he didn’t dare to; scared of the bubble collapsing. When the sky started clearing, leading the way to dawn, his mother looked at him for a moment before twisting the key and pulling the car into the road._

_“Do you have a test today?”_

_She asked softly, locking the door behind him, switching the lights on in the hallway. He stilled on his way to the steps as the lights switched on. He had gotten better with treading through the dark. Treading through the dark._

_Two sides._

_“No, mother.”_

_He eyed the digital clock on the side table which said 5:34 in fiery red in fragmented font._

_“Sleep in. I’ll call in sick for you.”_

_He opened his mouth and closed it, not rejecting her even if he wanted to._

__No defiance. Accept, Donghyuck._ So he did._

_“Yes, mother.”_

_He went to sleep that morning with something like hope taking roots in his chest. He woke up to have it shredded and powdered into fine dust with the only drum beat of a door slamming and then being dragged down the stairs. The business law book hit him over and over and the cigarettes she used to burn him more than smoke pierced into his thighs and wrists relentlessly. He closed his eyes.  
_

***

“Hey… wake up… hello… kid…”

Donghyuck woke up to a stranger’s raspy voice in his ears and hands shaking him insistently. He blinked as he sat up straight from the weird and twisted position he was in. His neck throbbed in pain from the uncomfortable position. The stranger took his hands off and stepped back.

"Wha..." He let the question trail off.

“You were having a nightmare… I think? You were thrashing around.”

Donghyuck paled before he smiled at the short and pale man in front of him. The black-haired man had his headset resting on the base of his neck and he sat down opposite him, eyebrows furrowed as he threw him scrutinizing looks. Donghyuck let his shoulders droop under the intense gaze of the stranger.

“Thank you for waking me up. Which stop is it?”

The other man kept examining him before sitting back and cocking his head and straightening.

“Daegu in four stops.”

Donghyuck nodded, staring down at his watch to see that it was nearly nine. He leaned his head back on the glass and sighed looking at the ceiling of the train.

“Are you going home?”

The stranger asked and honestly, he didn’t strike Donghyuck as the friendliest of the bunch. He secretly wondered why the man was even bothering with conversation when he looked like he’d rather be asleep under a warm comforter. To each their own, he supposed.

“Kind of.”

The man gave him a smug look.

“Kid, there’s no kind of. There’s only one home. You’re either going home or you aren’t.”

Donghyuck looked up from where his hands were fidgeting and stared straight at the man.

“I am visiting my mother.”

 _Not my home._ He doesn’t say.

“Doesn’t make it a home just because your mother is staying there.” He paused, “It’s not home, is it?”

Donghyuck shook his head, feeling the strong urge to go to another seat to avoid the prodding from the man but somehow feeling rooted in the strength the man exuded despite his small stature.

“I am going home, though. Daegu. Don’t worry. I get off after 4 stops.”

Donghyuck nodded.

“Was… I loud? Did I sleep talk or something?”

He finally asked, feeling like he was being cross-sectioned under the other’s undivided attention.

The pale stranger stared for another second before sighing.

“Yeah. That couple there...” He pointed at a short girl with auburn hair and a tall boy wearing a cap who was sitting far away in the almost empty train, “They were actually sitting next to you but changed places when you started talking in your sleep.”

Donghyuck sent a look at the couple in question and saw the boy’s grip tightening around the girl’s shoulders as if he had threatened to kill them or something.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like they have never had nightmares in their life. People suck. We don’t have to worry about insensitive fucktards.”

He said, shrugging his shoulders and smiling at Donghyuck before glaring at the couple, the boy backing down from the glare he had directed at Donghyuck.

“Yeah.”

Donghyuck hummed.

“Yoongi. Music producer. Composer. Lyricist. Part-time rapper and full-time cynic.”

The younger man broke into a smile at the strange introduction before a bulb lit up in his head.

“You’re… Oh my God!! You’re the one who wrote Let me know and So far away and a ton of other songs.”

Donghyuck stared wide-eyed, suddenly feeling wide awake.

“In the flesh.”

He grinned. Donghyuck noticed how the other man looked softer with his gums on display as he did so.

“My husband is a huge fan. He plays your songs all the time in the car.”

Donghyuck said, sitting back, still in shock at seeing one of Mark’s favourite artists in the flesh.

“Husband? Woah! You’re married. I thought you were a uni student or something. Talk about bad observation skills.”

The stranger, _Yoongi_ , blurted out amusedly.

“It’s alright. I get that a lot. It’s the face.”

He explained as consolation.

“Well, it is a very good face.”

The other smirked.

Donghyuck flushed before remembering something.

“I forgot to introduce myself. Donghyuck. CFO. Lee Industries.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Aren’t you full of surprises?”

Donghyuck smiled.

“Why do you never go for public appearances or music launch events?”

Yoongi smirked knowingly as if he had expected the question. Donghyuck envied the level-headed control the man had over his actions. Not the kind his mother practised and preached but the kind that gave off the vibe that he had all the time in the world.

“Hordes of fans. Not to brag or be ungrateful but I don’t do this for the fame. I write songs to help people. I don’t want them to like the person who wrote this. I want them to connect with the song. My work ends there.”

Donghyuck shook his head in understanding.

“There’s no point in asking for an autograph then.”

He stated. Mark would be happy at hearing that he got the chance to meet _The Suga_. He wouldn’t mind the lack of an autograph or a picture.

“I do make exceptions once in a while. Today..I am feeling particularly social. Got a pen?”

Yoongi asked, full-on smirk on his face. He reminded Donghyuck weirdly of Yuta. He rifled through his backpack and found a black marker and handed it over to the celebrity. To his pleasant surprise, the other man took a plastic case that looked suspiciously like an album and signed on top of it.

“Carrying your own album is pretty handy, isn’t it?” He chuckled, scribbling something with long strokes of the pen. “What’s his name?”

“Mark.”

Yoongi nodded, proceeding to write his name and finish up with a sign. He opened the album and took a brochure out, doodling something on it and handing the case to Donghyuck.

“Thank you, Yoongi-ssi.”

He said, grateful.

The man stared ahead, his eyes fixed on Donghyuck’s face for a few moments before he sighed as if finalizing on something.

“Does he know? About the nightmares?”

Donghyuck shifted in his seat at the personal question. He hoped he didn’t give anything major away to the man opposite him.

“Yeah. He does.”

Yoongi nodded, looking visibly relieved.

“Good.”

Three stops passed in a blur and their little chatter ended as the train stopped at Daegu. Yoongi got up just as Donghyuck did, both of them walking out of the automatic doors together.

“Gyeongju, right?”

Donghyuck nodded.

“The train will come now.”

The pale man walked to the bench and sat on it, pulling Donghyuck down by his hand.

“Uh...”

Donghyuck stewed inside as he wondered why Yoongi was still with him when he should have been on his way home.

“Kid, let that brain relax for a bit. I just don’t want you to get on the wrong train. Your husband would mind it greatly if you got lost in the wrong train and got attacked by a bunch of thugs.”

Donghyuck laughed as he nodded. He didn’t talk about the part where the thug incident had already happened. He also didn’t tell the other that he didn’t have to because he had a feeling that the other was doing it just for the heck of it. What he didn’t expect were the words that came as he got up at the sound of the train as the other patted him on the shoulders.

“I hope you heal. Bye, kid.”

Yoongi waved at him and walked away as he stood there, flashbacks of a taller and much older man telling him the same words on the first day of the series of dates that followed roughly five years ago.

He entered the train with a sense of hope, one that Mark had rooted in him and amplified by three words of two strangers.

***

Donghyuck sat staring out the glass window as the train whizzed past concrete forests and wide open regions, everything blurry and indistinguishable. His phone lit up with a message.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
9:22 AM  
**_Have you reached yet?_**

He had hated doing it but he had lied to Mark that he was going for a field visit to Daegu but he had been forced to. If he had told the truth, his husband would never have let him out of the house. It had been more than a month since he bared his heart and soul for the elder man to see. Mark had only become more protective, sometimes borderline coddling but Donghyuck let him do it because he knew he had made the other man stew in his thoughts for more than a year. He was planning on telling his husband about the visit once he got home. He would be a mess, he knew that but he could never put the people he valued in danger willingly and he had realized that his act of defiance would have a hefty consequence.

What could possibly go wrong in one day?

Actually, there was a lot. But he had to put the others first. He would tell Mark. The other would be raging but he would hug him the same and let him cry into his chest just like he always did. He would let him hide from the world and hold him like the shield he had grown to be. He was counting on that. 

She was going to shred him into bits and pieces. Nothing new.

 **TO ❤Him❤**  
9:24 AM  
**_In the train. A few more stops._**

He hoped that the other wouldn’t count the hours down and catch onto where exactly he was heading.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
9:24 AM  
**_Take care of yourself. I love you. <3 <3_**

Donghyuck smiled down at his phone.

 **TO ❤Him❤**  
9:25 AM  
**_You too._**

He knew what the other’s reply would be.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
9:25 AM  
**_Don’t make me come get you, brat. Say it. I mean, type it._**

Nailed it! He thought.

 **TO ❤Him❤**  
9:26 AM  
**_I love you. Have fun at work. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. (Wink wink)_**

He got a smirk emoticon seconds later. Just when he was about to shove his phone in his pocket, it lit up again.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
9:27 AM  
**_Miss you._**

He giggled at seeing the message, gaining a crude look from an old man who was sitting a few seats away.

 **TO ❤Him❤**  
9:28 AM  
**_Sap. Also, we literally touched lips three hours ago, hyung._**

The reply was instant.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
9:28 AM  
**_Your sap though. “Touched lips” WTF! We kissed, Hyuk. (facepalms) And I don’t remember much except you smelling like coffee. Just kidding._**

 **TO ❤Him❤**  
9:29 AM  
**_You better be kidding. I miss you too._**

The train stopped at another station, and Donghyuck plugged in his earphones, smiling at how Tomorrow started blasting from it. Whatever happened with his mother, he had a husband who would welcome him with open hands and a heart full of love and a support group of five amazing people who saved him over and over again. He smiled at how suddenly a couple of texts from his other half had made him Positive Patty. 

At least for a matter of minutes. He was prepared.

***

Donghyuck was walking out of the station, poking at his phone for the contact of the cab service he always used when he saw the familiar midnight blue Mercedes in the parking lot. That had never happened. He squinted at the figure standing, leaning on the side. 

The familiar bodyguard looked up from the ground to face him.

“Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck’s face lit up with a smile as the other man half-sprinted towards him.

“Hi, hyung.”

He said, the other man giving him a half hug-half pat combo.

“Did you know I was coming?”

Junmyeon straightened, smile suddenly dimming.

“I did. Your mother asked me to come pick you up.”

Donghyuck’s hands clenched into two fists but he took two deep breaths and relaxed. He nodded at the other man and got into the car, carefully paying attention to the elder man’s words as he talked about how his little girl had finally started walking. Donghyuck’s heart warmed at the man’s happiness and for a moment he was jealous of the months-old baby until rationality and a particularly vicious voice whispered the age-old mantra to be realistic.

When he walked into the house, the last thing he expected was the smell of kimchi and beef. He froze in the hall as his mother sauntered her way to the couch, presumably after hearing the door open.

“You’re here.”

She commented, wiping her hand on the stained apron, the sleeves of her dress rolled up. She never cooked for him. He wondered if that was her hobby since she controlled only the foreign deals now after the merger with Mark’s company.

He bowed and straightened, feeling Junmyeon’s regarding gaze on his back.

“Yes, mother.”

She nodded.

“Sit. I am making dinner.”

He wasn’t planning on staying that long. He kept himself from blurting that out and silently consoled himself saying he could lie to Mark for a little longer since he was planning on coming clean anyway. She hadn’t asked him to stay for dinner so maybe he would be relieved after the visit to the cemetery. He wondered why she was making dinner when it was only ten in the morning.

He nodded, sitting down as he did so. Junmyeon ambled over carefully and placed the keys on the coffee table.

“Mrs. Lee, are you planning on going in the Mercedes or the Lexus?”

Donghyuck’s mother tucked a piece of her brown hair behind her ear and contemplatively glanced at the bodyguard.

“Mercedes.” She stared straight at him. “Junmyeon, you can go home. I want to drive today.” She said, softly.

He sent her a shocked look before bowing with words of affirmation. He gave Donghyuck a brusque nod as she strutted to the kitchen.

“Call me if anything is wrong.”

He whispered before patting him and walking out the door. Donghyuck appreciated the concern.

He stared at the flat-screen mounted on the wall, memories flashing back to the old ebony stand which housed the old TV that he was rarely allowed to watch movies on. On his left was the wall decorated with expensive paraphernalia and a couple of framed pictures; both his and his mother’s smiles strained except in his aunt’s marriage picture. He felt his breath seize at the oncoming rush of the retrospection reel. He heard the sound of something metal hitting the ground but didn’t move.

_No moving unless I ask you to, Donghyuck._

***

“Get in the car, Donghyuck.”

She said, dressed in an all grey outfit unlike the black she favoured ever since he could remember. He had changed from his casual outfit to a black suit, knowing that she wouldn’t like it if he didn’t change to an attire she considered proper for visiting his father’s grave.

“I can drive, mother.”

He said, surprising even himself. That was going to be it. The lull that seemed to have fallen upon them would lift any moment. He waited with bated breath.

She gave him an incomprehensible look.

“I said I will, Donghyuck. I don’t remember giving you permission to talk back.”

It was not the reaction he expected, but he wasn’t up to a fantastic start either. He bowed and apologized, getting into the passenger seat and pulling the seatbelt.

The car ride was silent like it always was unless she found the way he sat offending or some stupid and mediocre reason similar to it. The church looked just like it did the previous year. He hadn’t visited his hometown for the past four years except for his father’s death anniversary; a mandatory come home day for him. He always took days to heal from the refresh key on memories every visit made him press. It was not just the fact that the visit was mandatory; it was the fact that she was always there beside him. He was not allowed to visit the grave. 

He still remembered the one time he was stupid enough to think that talking to his dead father would help ease the ache. Sixteen-year-old Donghyuck was forcefully pulled from the graveyard and shoved into the garage where he waited patiently for two days and let out finally with a stern “You don’t have the right to visit him unless I say so”. He had obeyed like the dog he was and stayed away.

He eyed the baby’s breath bouquets in the back as she halted the car in the parking lot. She opened the back door and handed one of them to him, sauntering forward after locking the car. He took long strides to catch up to her.

She kneeled in front of the marble embossed grave and wiped the nameplate, the look in her eye softening like he remembered. No matter how much she hated him, there was an indisputable fact he knew. 

She had loved his father. Still did.

That realization had taken a while to dawn on him and it was when it did that he hurt the most. She was capable of irrevocably loving a man even twenty-four years after his death, but not him; her son whom she gave birth to.

Sometimes, the people that destroyed you were the ones you wished were the closest to you, the people you thought loved you. They were the wrong ones, cold and undeserving of the love and time you were ready to give them wholeheartedly. 

If the laws of Newton still applied, wasn’t his mother supposed to love him at least a bit because he had at some point? She was his mother after all.

Weren’t mothers supposed to love their children? 

He had spent more time trying to figure out why she did what she continued to do than blame her. 

Blaming never gave him closure. 

It always left him to watch himself burn over and over at the pyre his mother made exclusively for him and in his attempts to come to terms with her actions, he had repeatedly told himself one thing. 

If she was supposed to love him just because he was her son, didn’t it make it an obligation? Obligatory love couldn’t be called love, could it?

He bent down and placed the bouquets with the crushed stems on the grave. His hands stung from the stems that poked painfully into his palms, not enough to draw blood but definitely enough to hurt. She got up and left, wading her way through the maze of graves. His mother still scared the life out of him, but he had hope for healing and he knew he was on his way. 

He eyed the graves of his aunt and her husband, apologizing for never visiting simply because returning always meant a return trip to his past. Maybe when the wounds were just scars and not barely healed ones that threatened to rip open any minute, he could bring Mark and the others.

“You drive.”

She said, throwing him the key before settling into the passenger seat. He stared down at the cluster of keys and felt his heart rate rise. He didn’t know what was happening. 

Had she finally decided to act like a normal mother?

“Donghyuck, we’re going to be late for lunch.”

She said, impatiently.

“Uh… lunch?”

He finally voiced.

“Yes, you idiot. Lunch at Mrs. Park’s restaurant, down the street.”

He gawked at her through the window. He had never seen his mother act so… childish with him. The derogatory term was used with fondness and he wondered if someone drugged her during the time he leant down to tie his shoelaces on the way to the car.

“What are you looking at? Get in.”

She said, a hint of a smile on the corner of her lips. For the first time and to his utter shock he realized that it was not strained no matter how small the curve was. He nodded at her and opened the door, putting the key in the ignition as he leant back in the seat, pulling the lever at the side to adjust the boot space.

“You’re so big now. Time flies.”

She commented some minutes into the drive, and Donghyuck turned to face her to see her wistfully stare out the window at the road. He didn’t grace that with an answer, mind a jumbled mess as it processed the one-eighty his mother’s behaviour had done in a matter of minutes.

***

“You’re finally here.” The middle-aged woman in the peach dress observed before giving him a quick once over as he struggled to keep a smile on his face. “Donghyuck has grown into a very handsome man, I must say.”

Mrs.Park squealed, her high pitched voice borderline teasing.

“He has, hasn’t he?”

His mother replied, voice tame as she looked at him softly and he pinched himself under the table to see if it was real. The banter that followed was light-hearted and when the food finally arrived, both the women dug in with well-mannered gusto. When he stared down at his plate, his mother gestured towards it with her chin causing the fork and spoon to tumble out of his grip making the women cackle at his clumsiness. 

Since when had she cared if he ate or not?

When she piled the grilled meat on his plate using her chopsticks, he stared at her in confusion, mouth stopping mid-chew. She even poured him water when he choked on a piece of the same meat. His eyebrows were in a constant state of being knitted together during the entirety of the conversation. 

Even after Mrs. Park bid goodbye after a phone call, his mother kept sending him small smiles which he found very difficult to return. 

The pain didn’t go away that easily, did it? 

Did she even feel guilty?

After the lunch, Donghyuck found it harder to focus. His mother had asked for the keys with a tiny smile telling him that she wanted to go shopping. She hadn’t paid heed to the incredulous look on his face.

“Coming or not?”

She asked, poking her head out as she rolled the window down. He walked to the other side of the car and got in, mind still going miles a minute in search of the reason why his mother was being nice to him.

She parked in front of the shopping mall and Donghyuck scrambled to hold down the onslaught of flashbacks at seeing the multi-storied concrete structure. When she shopped, he walked around the shop, answering with “It looks fine, mother” every time she asked for his opinion. 

She was acting weirdly nice, but doing it once wasn’t enough and he wasn’t sure if even a million times would ever be enough to erase the images of his nightmares where she was a vampire with blood-stained pearl white teeth, lounging on a velvet cushioned chair as he spasmed on the ground, white as a sheet.

She dragged him to a couple of shops even going so far as buying coffee for him just in case he got bored. He had blinked one too many times as she handed the bittersweet beverage to him, strutting away to another shop.

“Do you mind carrying the bags?”

She asked after swiping her debit card and he shook his head negatively every time, just in case if it was her test of his obedience or some weird survival test she was putting him through. His hands itched with the urge to whip out his phone and check on Taeyong and Mark, but he restrained himself from doing so because he had seen her since his birth and knew that even when she made it seem like she wasn’t looking, she was. 

He wasn’t going to throw her a bone.

They roamed in the mall for roughly four hours and when he walked out of the mall, following her as far behind as he could to not get a whiff of her nauseatingly familiar peach and lavender perfume, the sun was already setting. He hadn’t seen the sun set in Gyeongju for such a long time since he always took the train back to Seoul to Taeyong and the others as soon as the visit to the cemetery was over, his ears ringing with the verbal arrows she aimed at his heart with the partition that separated the driver and them rolled up, his wrists bruised with perfect crescents deeply embedded into them.

He noticed her glancing at the watch and the smile that followed. He brushed it off, deciding that he was already paranoid enough. She drove slow through the neighbourhood and stopped in front of the pastry shop he had always begged her to take him to. 

She turned her neck and looked at him, his skin crawling uncomfortably under her focused gaze.

“It’s time to finally buy you that chocolate truffle cake you always wanted, isn’t it?”

She asked and opened the door, stepping out of the car without waiting for his answer. He gaped at her retreating back both at her action and because his thoughts had finally shifted from “This is weird and what is happening” to “She remembered”. 

He wondered if she remembered everything in clear-cut detail like he did. He hoped she did. 

She returned with a box of pastry which she carefully placed in the back seat. He didn't look up from where his gaze had latched on to the console.

“Let's go home, Donghyuck-ah.”

The suffix only served to create more turmoil inside his twisting stomach. He wanted to scream at her that the place she called home had never been home for him, that his home was in Seoul. However, he chose to simply not acknowledge the statement.

***

Park Yoona cat-walked her way to the kitchen in her all-grey dress and Donghyuck stood in the hallway wondering what he had missed in the years he stayed away. Clearly, there was a lot because his mother had never ever walked to the kitchen in the clothes she wore outside. He briefly deliberated where the maid was. He wanted to ask but he wasn't going to give her the pleasure of hearing a question from him when every question he had asked since he was a child had been given answers he remembered for days.

“Donghyuck-ah, help me set the table.”

His neck ached with how fast he looked up from where his gaze was resting on his shoes as he took them off. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

Later, he thought. 

He heard the beeping of what sounded like the microwave oven and traipsed to the kitchen to see her taking a bowl out with a green oven mitt. Little Donghyuck would have paid good money for ever getting to wake up to this scene. He swallowed and entered the kitchen, hovering near the counter when he couldn’t figure out where the dinner cutlery was. 

His mother glanced up at him, and after years he noticed the height difference. He had probably outgrown her when he was 16 or 17 but it took him an extra couple of years to not visibly cower in her presence. He noticed the crow feet visible at the corner of her eyes even with the thick makeup caked on her face. 

She was growing old.

“The plates are in that cabinet and the glasses are there.”

She said, pointing at two cabinets and the scene was slightly funny seeing as for the first time, her hands looked like paws since the mitt was still on instead of the claws he was used to seeing.

“Don’t be so timid around me, Donghyuck.“

He wanted to scream at her for that statement. Wasn’t she the one who created this person who was so broken that he couldn’t look at her without thinking of all the times she abused him? Wasn’t she the one who made nightmares a permanent cast member in the movie of his life? What right did she have to ever ask that of him? He looked at her with a straight face before opening the cabinets and grabbing two plates.

He took his own time to set the table. His phone buzzed in his pockets twice more. He didn’t take it out or check because he knew she was looking even when she wasn’t. She always was.

She called him to carry the dishes to the table and he took off his suit jacket and tie, neatly folding them and placing them in the backpack he brought. When they were finally done carrying the dishes, the table was full. It was too much food for two people and he wasn’t even hungry; anxiety filling his stomach. She went to the kitchen once again as if she had forgotten something and brought the truffle cake in two dessert bowls along with ice cream and his immediate thought was Mark. 

He wouldn’t eat the ice cream. Only Mark and the others had that privilege.

She sat down and said a small prayer. Donghyuck’s kept his eyes wide open since he didn’t think that the man upstairs listened to the devil.

“Eat.”

At hearing the word, he was hit with a wave of deja vu. The dream in the morning had made sure that he remembered each and every moment of the first day his mother showed him leniency. He wondered if this night would end in flames and smoke too just like the morning that followed that night did.

He ate. 

He ate with great difficulty. 

It was like his mouth’s taste buds had been shut down and he thanked them for doing so even if it meant that everything he ate felt bland. She leaned across the table and spoon fed him a scoop of truffle cake and he turned his head away. That was crossing a line. He wouldn’t let her spoon feed her way into his heart which was glued together by the love of six men and an intense urge to live created by them. She had no place in it.

“No.”

He uttered and got up. He didn’t care if she was going to stab him to death for the word but he had to say it. After all, she had only said that to him once and that had ended with a certain pink haired man being hit by a truck. Her hand retreated and she put down the spoon, staring at him.

“Okay. Sit down, Donghyuck.”

He sat down, his knees suddenly weak as he wondered if that simple word of denial would bring her wrath upon his loved ones again.

She stood up, wiping at her mouth with a tissue. Her eyes filled with tears and a manic look took over her face.

She walked to him and placed her quivering hands on his hair and smoothed it down softly. He wanted her to stop even if that was the first time she ever did that. He flinched slightly at the contact and he had never known that the hands that inflicted lifetime injuries on him were capable of ever touching him so softly.

“Donghyuck...” Her voice broke, ”I’m so... I just...” She stuttered and for a brief moment, he wondered if she was going to apologize. He wondered if her apology would ever mean anything to him.

“I’ve let you live for so long, Donghyuck-ah.”

She wiped her tears, only the manic look remaining on her face. As soon as he heard those words, he knew they would forever be nailed to his soul like Luther nailed the Ninety-five Theses on the door of the All Saint’s Church. He felt like he was losing control of his limbs, sweating profusely in his white cotton shirt.

“Aren’t I a good mom, Donghyuck-ah?”

She asked, sitting down opposite him, her eye area scarily black as the tears smudged her eyeliner making her look like a grotesque version of the prim and proper Park Yoona.

He nodded robotically, knowing not to piss her off when she was like this. He wondered if nodding was the right answer because the last thing he wanted to do was get on her bad side by not giving her the answer she was looking for.

She cocked her head like a bird and smiled softly.

“I know I haven’t been. There’s no need to lie, baby.”

He wanted to throw up. Coming here was a mistake.

“Mark will take care of Lee Industries. It’s there in my will. I made sure Taeyong got a share too, you know. For taking care of you and for helping you grow into such a fine young man.”

She ranted on and all he could feel was the finality of her words as if she had a plan for both of them; as if she had decided their fate herself.

“Are you finding it hard to move by any chance, Donghyuck-ah?”

He nodded slightly, suddenly realizing what was happening.

“There’s poison in the special bulgogi I made for you. Hemlock, they call it. It’s just the right amount. You’ll find it difficult to breathe in a few. I couldn’t possibly in good conscience kill you and leave you in a bloody mess, could I? I was supposed to shoot you but I was worried about my non-existent maternal instincts kicking in. Poison is fine. Hold on.”

He was a dandelion, withering and dying in the wind.

“Actually, I could shoot you but it wouldn’t be this dramatic, would it?”

She stared straight at him and sighed dreamily.

“You grew up so well, Donghyuck-ah. It is really a pity.” She paused. “Your phone has been very insistent tonight. Let’s see, shall we?”

She said, taking his phone and getting up, shoving it in his face to unlock it. He did it with shaky fingers.

“Ohhhh... Mark has texted and called a couple of times.” She scrolled through and let out a long “Oh”.

“Taeyong has sent a single text, “Hyuckie, you okay? I have a bad feeling. Call me as soon as you see this.” She read out, “That’s so cute. He has a _feeling_.”

Donghyuck wished he had checked his phone. He apologized to Taeyong internally.

“Do you want to call Mark?”

He nodded, mustering up any and all strength he could find. His hands trembled as they started losing grip. He wanted to talk to his brothers too but he wasn’t going to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

Mark picked up on the second ring.

“Jeno… shut up… it’s him” His panicked voice suddenly sounded closer, “Donghyuck… fuck... Where are you? You’re not at Daegu. Where are you? Why did you lie? Are you okay?”

“Hyung...”

He whispered, the tears suddenly rolling down his face. He wouldn’t make it back to Mark. He would die here, and he would never be able to see his hyungs or Mark again. 

He would die in the presence of the person he hated the most.

“Hyuck, you’re worrying me. Tell me where you are. I’ll come pick you up. I promise.”

The other man pleaded.

“Hyung, I... I love you, okay? Okay? Remember that for me. I love you so much… You made me so happy…”

He sobbed.

“Baby, I love you too. I love you so much. Where are you? Tell hyung where you are.”

Mark said, his voice cracking and Donghyuck knew the other was crying. He heard Jeno’s panicking voice in the background. He was going to miss everyone.

“Hyung, tell all the hyungs that I love them, okay?” He heard Mark protesting on the other side, still asking what was wrong. “I’m with her. I’m at Gyeongju.”

She pulled the phone from him, Mark’s words getting cut off midway as she threw the phone against the wall.

“I didn’t know that your love life had turned into a story for the books. I can’t even be jealous because you’re dying. Poor Mark. Bet he’ll find another boy in a month or two. No one can ever love you, Donghyuck. I couldn’t.”

She roared and he held onto the memories of Mark like a lifeline because if he was to die today, he wanted Mark to be the last thing he saw, at least in his mind.

She proceeded to tell him that his father had been killed by the Adachi clan on his way to the supermarket to get his pregnant wife some ice cream since she was so badly craving it. He had been brutally stabbed to death by the gang members who were waiting to get him alone. 

Donghyuck had known how he died but he hadn’t known their identities. He learnt in the next minutes that followed that his aunt and uncle were also prey to the clan’s cruelty. However, even as his breathing started to fail, he couldn’t figure out why she had poisoned him of all people.

“You don’t get it, do you?” She gritted out, throwing her plate on the wall. His body was already failing him. He resisted the urge to run away as his body battled against the poison with cold sweats. He was shaking like a leaf.

“If it weren’t for the stupid craving, he would have been alive. He would still be alive and here with me, right now. I wouldn’t be living like this. I kept you alive because he loved you. He kept his head on my stomach and he talked to you. When I struggled with being pregnant he promised me that everything would be fine. I did it for him. He wanted to be a father so badly. I never wanted a child. I just wanted to make him happy and because of you, I lost him. I still love him so much.”

She stopped, collapsing on the ground and sobbing like someone had ripped her soul in two.

Understanding dawned then. He had lost his mother to the concrete buildings with glass panelled windows of an empire created by the man she loved. He had lost her to the memories of a man who was buried six feet under the ground but somehow was still important than his breathing self. He had lost his mother and the care she could have given him over a random craving, making him his father’s murderer in his mother’s eyes. He wondered if love was that blind.

Maybe it was.

“I tried so hard to destroy the clan but I never could. Whenever I won a deal against them, it didn’t give me as much satisfaction as pushing you down the stairs did. I hated you more than I hated them and now I can gladly die knowing that your lawyer friend has shattered their empire. All that’s left is you, Donghyuck.”

Her words cut like knives and he felt his breathing drag, his insides closing in on him.

Her angry expression softened and she walked to the side table, opening its drawers. She grabbed something metal from inside it.

A revolver.

Hadn’t she already poisoned him? Was shooting him necessary? He didn’t have a choice anyway. He closed his eyes in dread. He hoped Mark wouldn’t have to see him like that, bleeding out and eyes wide open.

“Don’t be scared, okay darling? Eomma is gonna be good to you from now on. Let’s go and pay daddy a visit, shall we? He must be so alone.”

She whispered, voice suddenly soft again.

He stood up to face her on shaking legs, only to fall on the ground as she pointed her gun at her temple and shot herself with a serene smile on her face. He hid his face with a trembling elbow and fell sideways on the ground, ears ringing with the gunshot.

The pristine white walls he drew his name on with a crayon which ended with a backhanded slap on the soft face of a seven-year-old was painted with blood and bone and brain matter. Before his eyes closed of their own accord with the image of a certain someone’s smile glued behind his eyelids and he was the coldest he had ever been, he felt an irresistible urge to get the mop from the kitchen and clean the blood.

_Oh well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler : He doesn't die because Baby Hyukie deserves better.. I am sorry again.. How about I post the epilogue after a year?


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue. Read on, lovely people
> 
> Trigger warning for mentions of depression.

“How are you feeling today, Donghyuck?”

The man’s voice was even as he leaned back in his chair after flipping a page of the file in front of him, closing it with an almost inaudible sigh. Donghyuck fidgeted with his hands and met the searching gaze of the man.

“I feel... fine. Free. I guess.”

The man sent him a gentle smile like he always did no matter what his response was.

“Define free.”

Donghyuck looked at the man with a regarding gaze. A part of his brain asked him to stop looking for the _right_ answer that had almost become a conditioned reflex and to give voice to what he felt. It wasn't really hard since honesty had won over the _right_ in the room he was seated in and out of it. 

“I... I feel... like I don’t have any weight on my shoulders. I don’t feel like I am being controlled by anyone. I feel free... like I am not tied down by anything but I still feel... grounded... I guess. I can’t explain it properly... ”

He stammered out, not because he was tensed or anything, but simply because words were failing him. It was always particularly hard in Dr. Oh’s room when he gazed at you like you had an eternity ahead of you to answer his questions even if each session was just ninety minutes. Ninety minutes for a man to be empathetic and put the jumbled thoughts and broken hearts together or at least attempt to.

“That’s alright, Donghyuck. You’ve gotten better at explaining what you are feeling. That’s great improvement, if not the greatest. You aren’t being controlled by anyone. The fact that you realize it and the fact that you were finally able to tell me that is a sign of major growth.”

When the man smiled at him encouragingly, he didn’t feel pressurized to smile back. He had been asked to do whatever he wanted, only if he felt like it. 

_“This room is a space where you aren’t a slave to social cues. If you want to cry, you can. If you don’t want to smile, that’s fine too. No pressure.”_

The man had said, making it clear on the first day itself that he wanted his client, _Donghyuck_ to be comfortable and that nothing had more priority than that. Even if the younger man didn’t start opening up until a few weeks into the sessions, the tall man in front of him was patient.

Donghyuck eyed the crystal ball on the wooden desk. It had a small figure standing with its shoulders straight, head turned towards the sky. A mix of blue and silver glitter lay at its feet and suddenly he felt an urge to shake the ball to see the shiny particles rain down so that it would look like the figure was looking at the sky when it rained pixie dust. He hadn’t seen it before. Maybe it was a new addition.

“I’ve got a question for you. You told me that you felt like you weren’t tied down by anything but that you feel grounded. Why do you think you’re feeling that way?”

Donghyuck unwillingly pulled his gaze up from the small crystal ball. He shifted in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment.

“In a way, I’ve always felt grounded. Not _always_ always... but still grounded. When I was in high school, I met Taeyong hyung. He helped a lot to make me feel grounded. Grounded as in, I never really... lost sight of reality. When I got even a slight bit paranoid, he helped. Then... Johnny hyung, Jaehyun hyung... they all helped me take my mind off things and Mark hyung... he... he didn’t know me but it was like... he always did, you know. I guess now that... it’s... it’s over, I can finally feel the anchors... if that makes sense.”

The man stared amusedly at him before nodding and writing something down on the file.

“It does. You’re a really brave person, Donghyuck. I hope you know that. To go through something like you did and to tell me that you’re feeling grounded. Let me just say that, I don’t see that happen very often.”

Donghyuck nodded. There was silence for a few minutes before the other man spoke up.

“Tell me about your mother.”

He whipped his gaze from where it had settled on the crystal ball again.

“She... I don’t think there’s anything left to talk about.”

The man sighed and leaned forward.

“Why do you think she did what she did?”

Donghyuck forced his breathing to stay stable, trying to bring down the skyrocketing thuds in his chest. They had talked about it a couple of times before but somehow the younger man felt like today was different. Dr.Oh looked like he had a plan of action and it was oddly unsettling but relieving at the same time.

“She blamed me for his death. She was... she was sick.”

The man adjusted his glasses and nodded before clasping his hands in front of him.

“Do you think that the fact that she had a reason justifies what she did to you?”

Donghyuck shook his head.

“Do you think anything justifies what she did to you?”

He shook his head again.

“That’s good. Nothing validates or defends her actions. An unborn child should never be blamed for a death. Her reasons were unjustifiable and equally unfair. She had no right to make your life hell. But what exactly could have led her to believe that your father’s death was caused by you?”

Donghyuck knew he had to stay calm and he was trying to. He just didn’t know if he could stay that way for long. Does anyone really heal that fast?

“She said... she said that she had a craving for ice cream. It was all over a stupid tub of ice cream.” 

The hollow laugh that followed was filled with pain and hurt and the doctor looked at him understandingly.

“It was... but was it really? For her to blame you for her husband’s death so easily over such a mundane piece of information is slightly offbeat, don’t you think so?”

He didn’t know what the other was getting at, but he nodded anyway.

“The police found prescriptions for depression medication in her study and they also found Valium in the bathroom cabinets. Did you know that your mother was depressed?”

Donghyuck shook his head in an affirmative.

“She had therapy sessions once in a month. I think she’s had it ever since I could remember.”

The man opposite him took his glasses off, folded it and kept it to the side.

“She had been depressed for a really long time. In fact, she was depressed even before you were born. Do you remember that session we had about...” He flipped three pages,”... seven months ago when you finally told me all that had happened on the day she died?” 

Donghyuck remembered it all too well. He had thrown a fit when the other man told him in a calm, lisping voice that staying silent wouldn’t help anything. He had proceeded to sit down and Donghyuck had gotten so angry at the man’s hypocrisy because just months before it he had told him about how he can just say things taking his own time. He had yelled out everything that had happened on the day his own mother poisoned him and left him for dead. He had talked about how she had shot herself in the head after giving him reasons that could never justify what she did to him. He had talked about how those few minutes would forever be vivid in his head and when he finally stopped yelling with a broken, _"Is that enough for you? Can you cure me now?"_ , the other man had looked straight at him before putting his pen down.

_“She doesn’t deserve to hold a place in your memory.”_

Dr. Oh had responded, finally looking up at him, conviction in every syllable, making him break down in tears. 

He blinked away the memory of the breakdown and looked up at the man.

“Remember how she told you that she didn’t want a child? How she only got pregnant for your father since he wanted a child? What do you think that means?”

Donghyuck didn’t understand where this conversation was leading to, so instead of answering him with words, he responded with a subtle shake of his head.

“It’s normal for a woman to not want to have a child. It is in no way an abnormal thought or wish. Our society is dead set on making men and women, especially the latter conform to their gender roles. However, if your mother didn’t want a child, why did she agree simply because your father asked her to?”

“I don’t know.” Donghyuck mumbled.

“I pulled a few strings a few months ago to get your mother’s files from her therapists. Technically I am not supposed to, but I had a hunch I needed to confirm. She stopped going for therapy about twelve years ago, Donghyuck. In all her time with therapists, she has never stayed with the same one for more than two years. Every time she started getting comfortable with her therapist and started to divulge more of her thoughts, they suggested medications for more than just depression. After reading through the files, I confirmed my suspicions. She had been on the bipolar spectrum and had severe issues with anger management. She never really revealed much to make a proper diagnosis. She was mentally ill and she was manipulative. One of the most dangerous combinations. Maybe, it was a habit for her to try to compartmentalize that part of her and she succeeded in a way too since she was just in the spectrum, but the anger she had, coupled with your father’s death made her lose the only semblance of control she had. She exercised an amazing amount of control outside, but to get that, she needed to lose it somewhere.”

Donghyuck glanced straight at the man. It looked like the other man was hoping for a response.

“Me.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.

The doctor nodded, eyes gentle and apologetic.

“You." He agreed, "She was building an empire on the side and she was unhealthily dependent on your father. I guess, he anchored her urges relating to the disorder. I don’t think he ever knew that she was mentally ill. When she agreed to have a baby, he might have mistaken it for her love for him and it was. It was just that no one ever considered the possibility of her being sick... of her being so dependent on him that she couldn’t distinguish her feet from her hands. That gave her illness time to grow. Her medications helped her but once you get used to a habit, it’s hard to stop it. She had trouble accepting you because she had told herself for so long that you were responsible. So, she stopped therapy, stopped taking the medication. I am guessing that living with her in your teen years were the worst.”

Donghyuck nodded, his fingers trembling.

“None of that justifies what she did. She could have chosen to take her medication and get serious help but she never did. She did have enough sense to make that choice. She was lost in a spiral of hate and she let it take over. Sometimes, the most terrible coincidences happen together. You needed closure. There it is. Forgiveness is a good step to healing.”

Donghyuck paled at the thought of ever forgiving the woman and he wanted to voice his thoughts aloud too, but Dr.Oh wasn’t done.

“But was she completely responsible? No. Did she have a choice? Yes. You were her son. If she loved him so much, she could have tried her best to take care of you or she could have given you away to someone if she thought you were the reason he was dead. All of those could have been modest solutions but she chose to have complete monopoly over your life for twenty-four years and thought that she had the power to take your life simply because she gave it to you. To resort to threatening the ones you care about, to force you into a marriage no matter how it turned out, to hit you hard enough to land yourself in hospitals so many times over the years. Twenty-four years. That’s what she took away from you. The choice is up to you. What I am trying to say is that it’s alright to not want to forgive her after she did what she did. It’s completely normal to feel that way.”

Donghyuck released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. However, he couldn’t help but ask.

“Aren’t you supposed to be unbiased? Neutral opinion giving or something, right?”

Dr. Oh chuckled before schooling his expression to one of seriousness.

“Am I? My job is to help my patients heal, Donghyuck. With the ones who do not have a support system to fall back on, for those who are on a dwindling staircase, I have no choice but to ask them to find it in them to forgive and to forget. That’s insensitive of me... of anyone to ask. But you... people like you know what has happened... you are self-aware and that’s both a blessing and a curse. People like you... you don't forget... In the time I’ve known you, you’ve never told me you hated her. You might hate her but you knew that something had to be significantly wrong. You were always wondering why she did what she did. Giving you the reason is enough. This is the only opinion I have because there is no flip side to this... no neutral or unbiased opinion to be given. It’s not a dichotomy. There are no two spectrums for me to give an opinion on. I am supposed to view this from your side and I see no silver linings. There is no universe where what she did could be justified. You have to live with it for the rest of your life even if someone did justify it. I am not going to. I see no reason to and I cannot even imagine doing that. So I can only offer you the second best choice.”

Donghyuck wondered if the man even knew how much it meant to him that he was even willing to provide what he did as an option. The corner of his lips turned up in a small smile. _Thank you_ , it seemed to say.

“How are the nightmares?”

He asked, picking up his pen again.

“They’re there. Not as frequent. I don’t wake up startled and disoriented that often.”

“On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate your nightmares?” The elder man enquired.

“Seven on some nights. Nine on rare occasions. 0 some days.”

The elder man smiled.

“May I know what the dreams which make you rate 0 entail?”

Donghyuck flushed slightly.

“It’s just me and Mark hyung walking or doing shopping. Sometimes, Taeyong hyung and Jaehyun hyung watching a movie with me, Johnny hyung whacking me on the head... things like that.”

Dr.Oh hummed in response.

“Some months ago, you told me you were scared that you were letting Mark pull your weight. That maybe he was better off with someone else less _damaged_. Someone who didn’t make him stifle his cries in the bathroom. Do you still feel that way?”

Donghyuck combed his fingers through his hair, exhaling through his mouth.

“Sometimes I do. Mostly, I don’t. He... I try to but sometimes I get too lost in my head to pay attention to him and I look at him when I realize it and he just pulls me close or squeezes my hands. He’s too good for me.”

Dr.Oh leaned back in his chair and turned the paperweight on the desk before putting it on the side.

“Is he?” He hummed before jotting down something on the file again. The only sound that filled the silence for the next minute was the scratching of the pen against the paper. Donghyuck couldn't help but notice that the familiar sound didn't feel like the man was weighing his worth anymore, hell, it may have even sounded comforting.

“Tell me Donghyuck, do you remember why you agreed to therapy?”

“I do.”

“When you came to me a year back, I remember how fidgety you were. You were slow with opening up yet you came for every single session. Even if you never wanted to be here, you still came. I talked to Johnny after a month since you just sat there silent and it was worrying. He told me about your previous experience with a therapist. Do you mind telling me what happened on your own?”

Donghyuck unclasped his fingers and stared at the elder man.

“She was... she was nice but she reminded me too much of her. I...”

He trailed off.

“She had long nails which she tapped on the table as she talked to you. You got out of sessions and you had panic attacks every single time. You never told her what was wrong and she waited for you to get comfortable but even a month later, there was no change. Mark saw you having a panic attack as soon as you stepped out of her room once when he came to pick you up and Johnny recommended me. Now, tell me why you went for every single session even if she reminded you of your mother so much?”

Donghyuck turned to the man opposite him with tear-filled eyes.

“I... Mark hyung... He...He was in so much pain because of me... I couldn’t bear to see it. Every time I fell asleep after a nightmare, he would go into the bathroom and cry. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. Doyoung hyung would excuse himself in between our dinners and some days Taeyong hyung followed him too. The number... the number of times I saw them... saw them cry... I was hurting but because of me everyone else was too... Mark hyung would smile and put a brave face on for me but he didn’t have anyone to talk about his worries to. I wanted him to worry less about me. I didn’t care what happened to me as long as he was alright.”

Dr.Oh gave him a sympathetic look.

“If there’s anything I read wrong, do let me know.” He paused, looking up at Donghyuck as he shifted his gaze from the file. He mumbled an agreement.

“You worry about him so much that you were ready to put yourself in a therapy session even when you had panic attacks every single time, even when you could never be comfortable enough to talk to her. You knew how much he was hurting. You wanted to get better for him. You put yourself through all that even after what happened because you didn’t want Mark or anyone else to worry about you. You are trying your best to get back on track and heal. Now, tell me, Donghyuck, what more can he ask for?”

The tears flowed freely at that and Dr. Oh simply watched the young man in front of him. He found a small part of his brain wondering how the hell the younger man ever made it through what was forced on him.

“The answer is, he can’t. He can’t possibly ask for more when you’re doing everything you can. He knows that. He understands that. He appreciates that. You just have to accept that fact. I don’t believe in luck, Donghyuck. But someone had to make sure that the equations balanced each other out and that the planets aligned or whatever event which led him to you to happen. It’s not easy for people who have gone through the things you did to ever think you are capable of love. He must have done something right because you have never talked about doubting his love for you. It’s because you know he loves you. That’s a sign of the fact that you are healing and he is helping you in it. He needs you just as bad as you need him. He’ll hold onto you as long as you want him to. All you need to do is stop thinking that he has someone better out there for him. There might be but he doesn’t want them. He wants you.”

Donghyuck was openly sobbing now but he still pulled himself back together. To have his thoughts put into words and to hear them out loud was therapeutical indeed. 

“But what if I can’t forget what she did even years from now? What if I am still stuck in the past and I can’t give him the attention he deserves? What if I lose myself? What if he can’t hold me up anymore and he lets go?”

The man in front of him smiled.

“He won’t. You know he won’t. You’ve given her a quarter of your life. She doesn’t deserve a moment more. It will be hard to forget but you’ll have help. You have people who love you to help you and.. give yourself some credit, will you? You are a very brave young man. You have stood strong even when she threatened to drag you down. You tried your best to not let the things she did to bleed into the other parts of your life. It may have failed at times but you tried. That’s much more than what a lot of people can say. You won’t be stuck in the past, Donghyuck. You know why? Because you love the present and the people in it to ever let it burn in the flames of your past. You have come a long way and you’ll heal even more. For them and for yourself.”

“You promise?” Donghyuck hiccupped.

Dr. Oh smiled at him, gaze soft.

“I promise.” He smiled again as he wrote down something on the file.

“We’ll see each other in two months, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck turned wide-eyed to the man.

“But... ”

He was cut off by the man.

“You’ll be fine. You don’t need weekly sessions anymore.”

He blinked to process.

“I don’t?” He questioned, doubtful.

“You don’t.”

The tall man confirmed. Donghyuck left the room with a small glass ball in his hands, courtesy of a tall man whom he knew he could always count on.

***

“He’s still in there... His appointment was postponed to the evening, remember? Go home in mine... I took yours... Yeah. I will.”

Mark put his phone down and leaned back in the driving seat, some ballad playing in the background from the music system. He scrolled up and down on his contact list before finally shoving his phone down his pockets. He bent forward placing his head on the steering wheel, arms going around it.

He shouldn’t really be here but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Not when he still remembered the day Donghyuck stumbled out of the therapy centre vividly, his eyes red and face pale, hands clawing at his throat. He couldn’t possibly sit at the office when his husband drove himself to therapy once every week. Borrowing Jeno’s car, tailing Donghyuck to make sure he got to therapy safely and playing the waiting game till the other man got into his car and drove away; this had become routine for him. He battled the urge to run to the man every time he walked to his car with hunched shoulders as if he was pulling into his shell. These days it was not noticeable if you didn’t know what to look for. But Mark did.

Even if the younger man always focused on the pleasant things, there were the random moments where he talked about the bad too. Their relationship had been going steady and strong when that phone call had struck like lightning and threatened to shatter Mark’s existence. He had been panicking since the afternoon that day when Donghyuck hadn’t picked up his calls or replied to his messages. The panic had shown no signs of stopping when the calls to his husband’s co workers left him with a kind of emptiness he hadn’t felt till then. He and Jeno had driven around town looking for the younger man before they called in the others too to join the search. Something inside Mark’s heart had been thudding too fast for him to relax and wait for the other to call back. So he hadn’t. 

It was when he finished his conversation with Johnny that Donghyuck’s name flashed on the screen, a picture of him staring at Mark with his chin resting on his hand which Jaehyun had taken and sent to him, lighting up and dimming. Mark had never accepted a call so fast before and he hadn’t been able to stop the stream of questions that had poured out of his mouth. Then, a short conversation had followed and Mark had wondered why Donghyuck sounded so broken but he had gotten the answer when the call ended with _“I’m with her. I’m at Gyeongju.”_

He had known what that meant and something had told him that his husband didn’t have much time. _You won’t reach him in time._ His mind had whispered and Mark had known that it was true. He had scoured his brain while Jeno let the others know of the situation. Suddenly, he had remembered about the bodyguard, Junmyeon and a very panicked call later, Mark had been terrified and lost; held together at the seams by an equally shaken up gang as they travelled to Gyeongju. 

Listening to Junmyeon talk about the scene he saw had prompted Taeyong to faint while Mark ran to the ICU, feet moving fast but not as fast as he wanted to. Jaehyun and Jeno had pulled him back by his waist to keep him from pushing open the door of the room where Donghyuck lay, connected to a multitude of wires and completely lost to the world, as he silently screamed at the Gods for being so ruthless to his husband. 

Donghyuck had woken up two and a half weeks later, painfully stretched thin. He had trouble with walking and moving his limbs for a few days but more than all that Mark had noticed the hollowness in his eyes which were always glazed over. He was so damn grateful about him waking up from the critical situation he was in, but some part of him was also terrified about if he had lost his husband on the floor of his childhood home next to his dead mother; if Junmyeon was a bit too late for Donghyuck to ever be completely fine. 

The police had arrived to get a statement from him about her death and he had talked like a machine, face impassive and hands folded too properly for Mark to even consider that he was fine. He had talked about all the incidents of abuse he could remember and Mark hadn’t been able to stop his tears but unlike the time he told Mark about it, there were no tears on his face. He had drawn out everything she said in scary detail and Mark hadn’t been able to stay in the room to listen to the shell of his husband complete his statement. One of the cops had stopped in his tracks as he came out and Mark had just glanced at him in confusion.

“That kid... he’s not fine... at all. You need to get him help. Please. I can suggest someone.” 

The man had left him with a visiting card of a therapist and an understanding look as he wished him luck. 

The next day had been her funeral and no matter how much Mark and the others insisted, Donghyuck had told them with a straight face that he wanted to go. The truth about Park Yoona was out to the world and the funeral no matter how private they wanted it to be, had been an event which teemed with people. The merged company had received great sympathy instead of the drop in sales that the officials had expected. Everyone wanted an interview or an exclusive or proof about what exactly had conspired. Johnny had kept the media at bay with the perfect facade he reserved for public events. Donghyuck had, to their surprise, stood like a statue even as the service carried on, hands not seeking a touch, eyes not lingering on anyone’s faces for reassurance and Mark had wanted to break down at the lack of emotions altogether from his husband. Taeyong had excused himself in the middle of service, a sob ripping out of his throat as he stared resolutely at Donghyuck's impassive face from a distance, Jaehyun following him as he did so.

They had, however, spoken too soon. 

The crowd had cleared just as fast as they had gathered and she had been buried next to her husband just like it stated in her will. Mark still remembered the way Donghyuck turned away from the grave and walked to him, his face not giving away anything before it crumpled completely, his knees failing him when he was just two feet away from him. Mark had stumbled forward to stop the other from falling because god knows he had fallen too many times with no one to hold him up. He still remembered the way the younger man’s cries shook his insides as his hyungs watched him cling to him.

“Hyung, she’s dead... she’s finally dead... it’s over but I don’t feel okay, hyung... I don’t... I want to feel okay... I want to feel okay for you... I want to feel okay for everyone... “

He had stammered out, voice muffled against Mark’s crisp black coat. Mark hadn’t been able to hold his own emotions down, letting himself cry as he held his husband close, the others looking on with equally wet faces.

“Baby, I want you to want to feel okay for yourself.”

He had whispered into his hair with the strength he could muster.

“Help me.”

The other had whispered and Mark had completely broken down inside, only the slow blink and subtle nod of Yuta as he stood with an impassive wet face helping him find enough strength to keep standing for the younger man to hold onto. He didn’t have to ask for help. Mark was prepared to negotiate with the entire world for his well being. 

Donghyuck had willingly walked into the first therapy session but Mark had noticed that something was wrong. The younger man had been very steadfast about the “I’ll drive myself” thing and Doyoung had asked Mark to stand back and let him do what he wanted. So he had. A few days later Mark had been in the area and he had offered to drive him. Maybe it was because he wanted Mark to be there or maybe it was something else but the younger had agreed to it anyway. Something inside him had asked him to wait for his husband and he had. So when he walked out of that session with hands clawing at his throat and a red face, Mark had run halfway across the parking lot to get to him. A further conversation with the therapist had ended with a request from her.

“I remind him of her. It’s just not good for him. I am supposed to help him. I had hoped that he would get comfortable but he isn’t. He is scared. I’ll write you a slip. Take him to this place. He is a friend of mine.”

Mark hadn’t ended up taking Donghyuck to the other place. Instead, Johnny had called him up saying that one of his friends was a therapist and that he lived close to Mark’s place so that had been a plus. He hadn’t been pleased about how Donghyuck hadn’t told him that he was uncomfortable with the other therapist but his husband was in no place to be interrogated. At the end of the day, all he wanted was for him to be alright and if it came at a price, he was willing to pay that and more.

What hurt more was even from the grave she made sure she tormented him enough. The months that followed her death had the hardest nights Mark had ever shared with Donghyuck. The other’s guttural screaming and heart-wrenching pleas often left the black haired man crying in the bathroom, each night assuring him of what he already knew; that it wasn’t going to be a quick fix. He felt useless, with the only things he could do being holding him close and letting him know that he wasn’t going anywhere; that he wasn’t going to let Donghyuck leave him for his sake. 

That particular conversation had been a well-shot arrow that lodged itself in his chest. It was one of those calm evenings that rarely came, with Donghyuck smiling at him and asking him to watch a movie with him as soon as he opened the door and stepped into the house. He had been dead tired but his significant other’s smile was so exceptionally rare these days that he had nodded even before he finished asking. Donghyuck had, however, broken halfway through.

“Hyung, I don’t think I am good for you.”

He had breathed out against Mark’s chest and his heart had stopped for all the wrong reasons.

“What do you mean?”

He had somehow found his voice to ask.

“I think we should get a divorce.”

The other had whispered to Mark and he had felt the warm tears that soaked through his t-shirt. 

Mark wanted to yell out at the other for even considering it but he didn’t. He could never do that again to Donghyuck so he had simply held the other tight after taking a much-needed lungful of air and proceeded to tell him all the reasons why he never wanted Donghyuck to ever think of it or consider it. It had hurt. It had hurt a lot but Donghyuck was hurting too and all he wanted was for Mark to stop hurting because of him. The younger man made it so difficult for him to even stop thinking of loving him more and more every day. After that evening, Donghyuck never asked again and Mark hoped with all his heart that the other didn't think about it again. 

Mark always saw the way Donghyuck tried so hard to get better for him and the others. He called Taeyong and Jaehyun and went out for lunches with them and cracked jokes, trying to act like he was getting better. Some days, Mark accompanied him. Other days, it was unimaginable for him to even consider seeing the other put up an act to stop their worrying. He went out with Doyoung on his shopping sprees and he called Johnny in the evenings and talked to him about types of coffee. He never let their dinner tradition fade out. They all saw his efforts and they appreciated it but they knew that it was for them and not for himself but when Taeyong had told them about how it was unhealthy on a rare meet up with Yuta, the Japanese man had answered with, _“At least he wants to get better for us. It will take time but he’ll want to get better for himself too. Right now, this is fine. Let him adjust to his own pace. He’ll heal. He’s Donghyuck.”_

Sure enough, he did. Johnny had informed them that Sehun, who was Donghyuck’s therapist had told him about how the other was improving. The man was not at liberty to divulge any more information but he had asked them to rest assured. 

He did get better. It was visible too but that’s not to say that he didn’t have his share of breakdowns every now and then. It was not going to be a miraculous recovery. Mark was completely prepared for the “one step forward and two steps back” that was inevitable but the one thing that kept him strong was the fact that his husband was trying. He wasn’t going to act like he didn’t see the effort the other was putting in.

So when Donghyuck had a panic attack at the family dinner held at Mark’s house after his mother had made the mistake of wearing blue nail polish on her pointy nails as she served him, he simply apologized to the occupants of the table and took him home even when he protested that it was fine, that he was just slightly overwhelmed. When Donghyuck couldn’t handle sitting in the office she had been using when she came to Seoul after he returned to work, Mark made sure to hatch a plan to change up the design through collaborating with some of his co-workers. When the younger man got lost in his thoughts, Mark pulled him back to reality with soft hands and even softer words. When Donghyuck said that he wanted to find himself again, Mark promised him that he would help. When Donghyuck cooked for him in the morning, he made sure that the other man was appreciated as much as he deserved to. When Donghyuck cried, Mark stayed strong for him and when Donghyuck hurt, Mark made sure he never hurt alone. They were together; they were married; they were in love but when Donghyuck needed space, Mark gave him that because he knew that the other always wanted to be his own person and when he started healing for himself, Mark knew that everything was going to be fine. That didn’t make his fear go away but it turned down the raging fire into a simmering flame. It definitely didn’t go away enough for him to stop checking up on Donghyuck during his therapy sessions but it did go away enough for him to not follow him back home; content with seeing for himself that the younger man was alright and not panicking his guts out.

Mark raised his head up, looking down at his watch to see the time.

6:27 PM

Three more minutes till his appointment ended. He tapped on the steering wheel to calm the nerves which had become a thing. He knew that seeing the younger man come out fine would make the nervousness go away and he waited.

Donghyuck walked out of the building and looked around, his face not revealing much of anything. He looked fine, physically at least. Mark sighed in relief and put the key in the ignition but didn’t start the car yet. He watched in shock as Donghyuck looked straight at the car and walked towards it. The black-haired man froze as his gaze still darted around to see that Donghyuck’s car was nowhere near his(Jeno’s).

_Fuck._

His mind provided helpfully.

Donghyuck walked with more speed as he approached the car and opened the door in a swift motion before getting in and shutting it. Mark inhaled deeply. He was at fault here. He was bound to get caught once anyway. He opened his mouth to explain his side when Donghyuck stared straight at him. The next thing he did came as a huge surprise to Mark as he leaned across the console and hugged him tightly. 

“Donghyuck, what... is something wrong?”

He asked, hackles rising.

The other man shook his head against his neck, tears wetting the side of his pale blue button up.

“Then... I don’t understand...”

He opened and closed his mouth at the lack of reply from the younger, slowly letting instinct take over as his hands wrapped around the other’s torso, some part of his brain worrying about the other’s body because of the awkward angle. 

“He said I don’t need weekly sessions anymore. He asked me to come back in a month.”

Mark felt a grin take over his face at the words he felt against his neck before he heard them. His grip tightened on the younger as he resisted the urge to pull the other completely into his lap.

“That’s... that’s amazing. That’s... Wow!”

“I know.” Donghyuck whispered.

“Thank you.” He breathed out and Mark’s eyes widened.

“Hyuck, why are you thanking me? I promised to be there for you, remember? I love you. I am just doing what I want to and I want to be here... with you... in everything you’re going through.”

Mark said, hands rubbing circles on the other’s waist in a calming motion.

“I know. I love you. I love you.” Donghyuck choked out, his warm breath hitting Mark’s neck, making him smile into his hair.

The younger man pulled back and leaned back in the passenger seat, Mark’s gaze flicking to the front and the side as he contemplated what to say next.

“How did you... How did you know I was here?”

Donghyuck smiled with his eyes closed, still leaning against the headrest.

“Hyung, you’ve been here for every session after that panic attack. Jeno’s car can only do so much.”

Mark gaped at the other man as he opened his eyes and smiled.

“So... uh... I tried to hide though.”

Donghyuck chuckled softly.

“You did. But you are not as subtle as you think you are.”

Mark laughed in agreement, turning the key as the car revved to life. It was then that he noticed the crystal ball with the small figurine, carefully cradled in the other's left hand.

"Baby, what's that?"

Donghyuck smiled, teary-eyed.

"He gave it to me. I think it's because I kept looking at it."

Mark hummed, letting the corners of his mouth curve as he kept himself from blurting out the words in his head.

_Maybe it's because he saw you in it._

“Hyung, let’s go have some ice cream.” Donghyuck blurted out as he placed the crystal sphere inside the glove compartment.

Silently, Mark wondered if it was possible to die by grinning.

***

“Hyung, did you have to propose to him in the rain?”

Jaehyun turned with a shocked expression to him.

“YES!” He shouted and continued, “He loves rain. You know that.”

Donghyuck nodded. He could imagine Taeyong just bursting into tears as soon as he came up to the rooftop. He hoped that Jaehyun wouldn’t launch himself from the roof as soon as he saw the other. The elder’s anxiety was no joke. Actually, it was. He always made the funniest faces. It was sad that he couldn’t stay and watch the proposal but it was their private moment and even if Jaehyun had asked him to stay, it felt weird to intrude.

“Also, technically, it isn’t raining here since we have a roof so I am not proposing to him in the rain. It’s just raining when I am proposing.”

Donghyuck’s head was fried from the cold so he decided to grace that only with a hum. His teeth threatened to chatter and he knew that if Mark and Johnny were five more minutes late, they would start chattering. Just as he thought that, a familiar car honked from downstairs.

“Hyung, they’re here.”

He announced.

Donghyuck turned to face the other after he checked his phone to see that the other was red in the face.

“Hyung! You are not backing off this time. You already know his answer. You guys have been dating since forever. Please, for God’s sake, get married.”  
He whisper-shouted as he heard the notification on his phone going off.

 **FROM ❤Him❤**  
6:48 PM  
_**Target has entered apartment. Tell Jaehyun hyung to get here. Fast.**_

He chuckled at the mission-like text.

“Hyuck, he’ll say yes right?”

Donghyuck’s eyes softened as he looked at the other man. He pulled the taller man into a hug and patted him on the shoulder lightly.

“He will. He has loved you since forever. I don’t remember a time when he was not in love with you. He’ll cry a lot. But he’ll say yes.”

Jaehyun nodded into the younger’s shoulders before letting him go.

“Go get him.”

Donghyuck said, Jaehyun throwing him a look of gratitude before going down the stairs. The brown-haired man switched on the fairy lights artistically hanging from the ceiling of the roof and hung the wind chimes that they had saved for last since the wind was pretty strong and they didn’t want them tumbling down to the ground from the 11th floor. He threw one more glance around the place. 

_Cake. Check. Food. Check. Rings. Check. Flowers. Check. Balloons. Check._

He smiled, genuinely happy for the couple and sprinted down the stairs, secretly hoping that Taeyong didn’t die from the cold. That would be a tragic ending for such a well-planned proposal. Who was he kidding? His hyung was going to cry an ocean and cling to the other like a leech as soon as he saw the roof. His hyung was nothing if not good at reading cues. He was probably crying inside as soon as Jaehyun mumbled, _“I have a surprise for you”_ or whatever cheesy line he was going to open with.

Donghyuck took the elevator to the ground floor because he was sure that the couple would take the stairs to the roof. Just as he thought, Mark and Johnny were waiting in front of the elevator. The taller man pushed his commercial-worthy hair back and sent a gentle smile his way.

“How is Jaehyun hyung?”

Mark asked, hair slightly wet from the rain. Donghyuck stretched his hand and touched the other’s hair, checking if the jet black strands were too wet for him to catch a cold.

“He’s fine. A bit nervous. Pre-proposal jitters.”

Donghyuck explained, pulling his hands back, seemingly satisfied. Mark latched onto one of his hands and looped their fingers together making the younger man smile. Johnny opened his mouth to tease them but stopped mid way as his phone went off with a notification.

“Doyoungie reached the restaurant. We should go.”

The elder man said, walking down the stairs in a hurry to get to his car. Mark and Donghyuck shared a look of understanding.

Doyoung had a meeting with one of his clients which he couldn’t avoid. They didn’t want to interrupt the proposal too. So, they planned on meeting up at the usual after making sure that Taeyong wouldn’t return to the apartment until half past six. Mark had taken the responsibility of dragging the other man to his office, telling him that he needed some help with a couple of building designs and Johnny had joined them saying he needed to buy a gift for Doyoung, effectively making Taeyong tag along as they stroked his ego saying _“You buy the perfect gifts”_ in an effort to buy Jaehyun some more time to decorate the venue.

Johnny put his car in drive and put his head out the window.

“You coming with me?”

Donghyuck shook his head.

“We’re going home after the dinner, hyung. I don’t think we should interrupt the fiances. We’ll be right behind you.”

Johnny nodded and wiggled his eyebrows making Donghyuck chuckle.

“See you there.”

The elder man waved his hand and rolled up the window, driving away.

Donghyuck got into his Aslan and pulled the seat belt. 

“My car is at the office.”

Mark said as he shut the door.

“I’ll drop you at the office tomorrow, hyung. It’s raining cats and dogs.”

The elder man nodded, one hand ruffling his own hair as Donghyuck cranked up the heat in the car.

***

“I am so happy for them. They look so cute together. The wedding’s going to be amazing.”

Doyoung gushed, Mark and Donghyuck smiling down at the selfie that Taeyong posted in the group chat with him posing with his ring-adorned finger as he kissed Jaehyun on the cheek. Mark looked up from the screen to see that Johnny was busy admiring a certain someone. The man in question flicked his gaze away from Doyoung at Mark’s knowing smirk. He internally chuckled at the other’s flustered face which told him that wedding bells weren’t ringing just for one couple. 

Doyoung and Johnny left after it, the rain thudding down mercilessly as the pair ducked into the elder’s car. Donghyuck told Mark that he wanted to stay for a little more time. They ordered coffee which was probably a stupid decision since they had already had their dinner but there was not really a designated time for having the bitter drink. Mark choked at Donghyuck’s moan as he sipped his white chocolate mocha. He resolutely stared outside through the glass panel till they finished their drinks, willing his heart to _calm the fuck down._

“Hyung, let’s go for a walk.”

Donghyuck mumbled out as they got up from the table after paying the bill. Mark turned to the other with an incredulous expression.

“In this weather?” The younger man nodded. “You want us to go for a walk in the rain.” He stated, dryly. He nodded again, looking at the black haired male with a hopeful look. 

_Damn it. It was the eyes._ He was weak for the _eyes._

The umbrella that Mark grabbed from the car did nothing to keep them from getting wet but it was nice to have Donghyuck stand so close to him even if they were both freezing. It seemed like the wind had directed all the rain towards them, soaking them from head to toe, the black umbrella whipping left and right from the combination of nature’s duet. Mark made an executive decision and declared an end to the stroll in the rain when Donghyuck’s teeth started chattering like the bassline of a hip hop track. He couldn’t even bring himself to regret it or reprimand the younger when the other man was still smiling as he shook from the cold. They hadn’t really gotten too far away from the restaurant. Donghyuck laughed as Mark held his hand tight, the sound jingling like bells chiming and he swore that suddenly he was warm all over again, sprinting to his car with all their might.

Closing the door, Donghyuck groaned at getting the car seats wet.

“You wanted to.”

Mark said, voice mock accusatory.

“I did.”

He agreed.

The younger leaned across the gear shift and opened the glove compartment, taking out the towel he kept there and turned to Mark with his hands outstretched.

“Come here.”

Mark tipped his head forward as the other dried his hair. He bit his lip to prevent the grin from spreading across his face at how natural the action came for the younger man. Donghyuck released him and dried his hair with the towel as Mark cranked the heat up. The pair took their jacket off and folded them into balls before throwing it to the back.

“That was stupid.”

Donghyuck declared.

“I wonder who suggested it.”

Mark responded.  
<  
“What kind of husband are you? You are supposed to say, _“Baby nothing you say is stupid. You are perfect.”_ "

Donghyuck whined, lips jutting out in a fake pout.

“The honest kind.” Mark said, making the other whine even more. “You are though.” 

The black haired male remarked, voice serious, making the younger man turn to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Perfect. You are perfect.”

Donghyuck blushed, his hands fidgeting, face and neck still housing raindrops as his lips turned up in a smile. He started the car and smiled at the road, Mark watching from the side with a smile lighting up his own face.

When they lied down to sleep that night, Mark sighed as a question prodded at his head, keeping him from slipping into the welcoming hands of oblivion.

“What is it, hyung?”

Mark turned to face the other man in record time. Also, wasn’t _he_ supposed to be the mind reader or what?

“I... We never got to propose. Our marriage was arranged by...”

He trailed off, not certain of whether or not he should proceed with what he was going to say.

“Our marriage was arranged by my psychotic mother as part of her fucked up scheme in her fucked up book of “How to make my son’s life hell”?”

Mark opened and closed his mouth, immediately regretting the conversation. He hadn’t wanted to do anything to break Donghyuck’s streak of good days but it seemed like he had, anyway.

He felt the younger man take a deep breath before he sat up. Mark opened his mouth to apologize.

“Ask me.”

Donghyuck breathed out. Mark sat up in shock as what the other meant dawned on him.

“Hyuck, I didn’t mean to put you there...”

Donghyuck leaned forward and looked into Mark’s eyes.

“I am not sad. I promise. Ask me.”

Mark cupped the other’s cheek with his one hand and gazed straight into his eyes. Donghyuck’s hair was still slightly wet from the rendezvous with rain and his face was glowing like it always did. He gulped and Mark’s eyes followed the movement of his throat. He wondered what he did in his previous life to ever deserve Donghyuck.

“Will you marry me, Donghyuck?”

Mark’s voice was surprisingly steady even as his heart threatened to break free of his rib cage.

“Yes. Yes. A million times yes.”

The younger man moved forward that extra inch as their lips met in a kiss, soft and tender. Mark tilted his head as his other hand positioned itself in the other’s hair, a soft sigh escaping the younger’s mouth as he played with the hair on the elder’s nape like he always did. Most couples proposed before marriage. But they weren’t like most couples anyway. They did everything backwards but that had become their thing just like the hand holding and the random pick up lines and the ice cream runs. That was what relationships and marriages were meant to be, right? Finding common ground and agreeing to disagree on the others but still loving the other person all the same. Maybe the circumstances they met in weren’t particularly “Relationship goals”, but Mark was certain that all he needed was Donghyuck by his side; that all they needed was each other. He had meant it completely when he said that he wanted Donghyuck even if he was just pieces in the palm of his hands. The pieces were slowly gaining shape much to his delight but even if he broke down again, Mark would be right beside him to hold him together and help him put himself back together.

***

“I have something for you.”

Donghyuck declared as Mark ploughed through the kimchi fried rice the younger made for him when he said he felt like eating it. He nodded absentmindedly, mind too focused on the delicious food to pay attention to anything else. He was a lost cause when it came to the other’s cooking, okay?

The brown haired male giggled as he went upstairs, returning with a backpack just as Mark finished up the meal.

“That was fast.”

Donghyuck chuckled.

“Your cooking is so good, Hyuck.”

Mark praised. It wasn’t like he wasn’t eating what the younger made every day. He made sure that the other knew how great his cooking was every single meal. The blush on the other’s face never dimmed.

“I know.”

He responded, the blush speaking a different story to Mark.

“Brat.”

He mused.

Donghyuck opened the bag and handed a box to Mark. The elder man took it in his hands and straight out shrieked, making Donghyuck fall on the couch and cackle.

“SUGA’S ALBUM? WHERE? HOW DID YOU? OH MY GOD!!!”

Donghyuck cackled some more before finally letting the laughter die out at Mark’s expression. The other looked like he was close to tears.

“The day I went to Gyeongju, he was there on the train. Woke me up after I had a bad dream and talked to me. I didn’t even realize who he was until he introduced himself as Yoongi. We talked a bit and I told him you were a fan. He waited till I got into the train to Gyeongju.”

Mark’s face had dulled exponentially hearing the first few words but he smiled as Donghyuck kept talking.

“How did you get the bag?”

Donghyuck looked around for a moment before sighing.

“Johnny hyung gave it to me after the police closed the case but I forgot about it. Saw it yesterday when I was cleaning the wardrobe.”

He explained. Mark nodded, seemingly satisfied as he chose to not prod the younger man. 

“Open it. I didn’t see what he wrote. Thought I’d see it when you did.”

Mark squinted at the sign on top of the album and chuckled. Donghyuck raised a questioning eyebrow. The elder man held up the album for the other to see.

_To Mark, the lovely husband of the cute guy in the train_

Donghyuck grinned at the words.

The black haired male pulled the brochure out and unfolded it.

“Woah! This is long.”

Donghyuck shook his head in agreement.

“Read it.”

He said.

_Hey, Mark(cool name you've got there). I hear you are a big fan. Thanks for listening to my music and for liking it. I appreciate it. Your husband is a really handsome guy. I legit thought that he was a uni student or something. I feel so old. Anyway, my late twenties crisis aside, take care of yourself and your man. Like, seriously dude. #Husbandgoals Keep using your hard earned money to buy my albums so that I can eat more night snacks and binge on ramen and pay for Netflix. I love you (wink wink)_

The couple grinned at each other at the positive message. 

“Meeting him must have been a blast.”

Mark remarked, still finding himself slightly star struck from the personal note.

“Believe me, it was.”

Donghyuck confirmed.

***

Their anniversary gift to each other was a trip to Busan. They had missed their first wedding anniversary due to some serious downfalls from the universe’s side but so far, their seconds had always been better than their firsts. Donghyuck still had his bad days but he was stronger than he had ever been and Mark watched in awe at the way his husband seemed to shine brighter than ever. He wanted to go visit Sehun and thank him personally but Johnny had asked him to wait with a knowing smile on his face. Mark was good at reading people but he hadn’t exactly mastered the art of mind reading yet, much to his dismay.

“Yah, Mark Lee!! You forgot the sandwiches I made!!”

Taeyong screeched from the front seat as Mark grimaced at the volume.

“Hyung, I am so sorry. I was picking up the bags and I forgot. We’ll reach in a few. I’ll buy you everything you want to eat. Forgive me.”

He apologized, donning the best puppy dog eyes he could muster as Jaehyun laughed at him from the rearview mirror. Taeyong’s glare softened and Donghyuck laughed as he rubbed away the sleep from his eyes.

“You’re too weak for his puppy eyes.”

He commented before shifting positions and burrowing into Mark’s chest like he wanted to build a home there.

Taeyong whined from the front but Mark’s focus got sidelined as Doyoung’s voice strayed in as Johnny drove parallel to their car.

He was belting out Big Bang’s Loser and Jaehyun cackled as his voice broke at a particular note. It was hard to believe that they all had such serious jobs when the moment they got out of their offices, they turned into seventeen-year olds. Johnny flipped Jaehyun the middle finger as he raced past.

The initial plan was for them to go alone but Mark had realized that Donghyuck would be happier with the rest of the gang. He had asked the other and the way the other man’s eyes lit up was answer enough. However, Yuta had turned them down softly, promising that he would come for the next time but the pair had known that getting him to agree would be hard. They didn’t call him a shadow for nothing.

On the way to Busan, Taeyong recalled the last time he and Donghyuck visited Busan. Mark had known what happened after that week but Taeyong omitted those details, solely focusing on the trip, much to the younger’s relief. Donghyuck let the other narrate but didn’t keep himself from jumping in with his commentary. Jaehyun and Mark shared a look through the rearview mirror as their other halves argued over who burnt the meat during their last trip.

“We’re here.”

Jaehyun announced, pulling into the parking lot next to Johnny’s car. They got out and stretched their arms, Doyoung chasing Donghyuck on their way to the hotel after the younger pinched him in the side when he was stretching. Johnny yelled at them, something about them acting like kids when they were grown men but his chides fell on deaf ears.

“We booked online. Three rooms for six.”

Johnny said, casually placing his elbow on the receptionist’s desk as he slid a printed sheet to the man behind the counter.

“A bit late for the fall break promise you made, don’t you think so, hyung?”

Taeyong whirled around to meet the gaze of a then-orange haired but now-black haired man.

“Wow, Jimin-ah! You remembered.”

He said, hugging the other man, everyone except Donghyuck looking on in confusion.

“I think you were the one who forgot, hyung.”

The new comer chuckled.

“Uh... guys... This is Jimin. He is the son of the owner of this hotel. Speaking of which, where is your dad?”

His face dimmed before he smiled softly.

“Dad died a year ago, hyung. I look after this place now. My best friend helps out. We opened a wing in Daegu too. You came at the right time. I am supposed to leave next week to help out there.”

“I’m sorry about your father. At least this time, we have perfect timing.”

Taeyong said, patting the other’s shoulders.

“Donghyuckie... ” Jimin called out as he smiled brightly, “Wow, you grew taller!”

Donghyuck chortled as he hugged the other man.

“No offence, hyung. But it’s not really that hard to outgrow you. You are like a little mochi.”

Jimin laughed, instead of getting back at the other for the light-hearted jabs.

Taeyong introduced the rest of the gang to Jimin before they retreated to their rooms. The hotel owner told them to ask for him or Taehyung if there was anything they needed.

Donghyuck and Mark, however, sneaked out of their room in the middle of the night to go for a walk on the beach. The sound of the ocean waves was oddly cathartic, and Donghyuck made Mark sit in the sand. He asked him to lie down, and the elder man did, even if his mind was plagued by the horror showering was going to be. But he couldn’t dispute the fact that he felt like his soul was being cleansed, and when Donghyuck’s hands found his on their own, something whispered forever in his ears and as if the younger man heard the voice, he nudged closer to Mark. Their moment broke only when Johnny and Doyoung came in search for them, the night ending with wet sand being thrown at each other like the children they wished to be.

They met Taehyung, the much-talked-about best friend, an energetic but four-dimensional man as he served them breakfast the next morning. He was pleasantly talkative, seemingly never running out of words to say and when Jimin joined in on the banter halfway through the breakfast, the gang watched on in amusement at the sync of the duo. Brother from another mother indeed.

After lunch, the gang decided to go to the sea; the real reason behind why people visited Busan. Johnny was playing with a frisbee on his own before Doyoung and Jaehyun joined in on the fun, Taeyong watching them from where he stood, toes digging into the unstable and wet sand. It was hilarious to watch the three towering grown men run on the seaside with no inhibitions, arguing over a neon pink frisbee. Mark tuned out the voices when Doyoung started talking about sections of the law book, making Jaehyun facepalm.

Donghyuck stood next to Mark, the elder’s hand around the younger’s waist as the brown-haired man leaned sideways on the elder man. Mark’s right hand snaked through the thin fabric of Donghyuck’s pale pink shirt and rubbed circles on the exposed skin of his waist as the younger talked about anything and everything.

“Excuse me... uh... guys... I am sorry but can I take a picture of you?”

Mark let Donghyuck go and turned to face a slightly older man who was sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. He had an expensive DSLR hanging from his neck with a thick strap.

“Uh... sure.”

Mark agreed, asking Donghyuck for permission with his eyes.

“Thank you so much. I am doing a photography project on feelings.”

Donghyuck smiled at the man reassuringly.

“How do you want us?”

The elder man grinned at them innocently and asked them to walk to the side and stare at the setting sun as he clicked pictures from different angles. He gave them a thumbs up as he was done.

“If you have your phones with you I can send the pictures to you now.”

Mark nodded, pulling his phone out and switching the Bluetooth function on before shoving it down his pockets as the stranger finished sending him the photos. They silently vowed to look at the photographs later.

“I am sorry for asking... but are you guys dating?”

Donghyuck giggled as he showed the stranger his wedding ring, the pair enjoying the shock on the man’s face.

“Wow! You guys look really great together. Thanks again. I’ll stop bothering you now.”

The man said, bowing awkwardly as he shoved his earphones in his ears and strolled away, a satisfied smirk on his face. 

Mark pulled Donghyuck against him and smiled at the horizon, the curve on his face getting wider at feeling Donghyuck’s own smile against his neck.

The younger man looked up to find Mark already looking at him.

“I forgot to promise you something.”

Mark said, voice gentle.

“What?”

Donghyuck asked, genuinely curious.

“I forgot to promise you a lifetime of always finding me already looking back at you when you look at me.”

Donghyuck hugged the elder man and pecked him on the neck, sighing out “Sap” as he did so, making Mark laugh fondly.

“Yah lovebirds!! Don’t ignore us!”

Taeyong yelled, throwing a ball at Donghyuck, the younger closing his eyes for a second to collect himself before he retaliated with wet sand balls of his own, Mark stumbling to the side to avoid the attacks. The black haired male watched and laughed heartily as Jaehyun tackled his husband to the ground causing Doyoung to whine about his sand castle being destroyed by “savages”.

His phone went off in his pocket and he pulled it out, gaze still fixed on his other half and ears still attuned to his high pitched laughter.

“Hello, Mark.”

Mark pulled his phone from his ear to look at the screen.

“Good evening, Dr. Oh.”

Donghyuck waved at him, Mark’s hands reciprocating without much prompting from his brain.

“I just called to check up on him. How is Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck cackled as he pulled on Taeyong’s ankle to pull him to the sand, Jaehyun helping him to succeed in his mission. Taeyong went down with a squeak. 

“He’s... he’s great.”

Mark said, the fear finally ebbing away like the waves did. 

After a few minutes of conversation with a good luck thrown in for good measure by the man on the other side, Mark hung up the phone. The sun was setting and he couldn’t focus properly on the scarlet sky as a certain brown haired man he called his husband ran close to the waves, the water filling in his footprints with sand as he sprinted away from his brothers. Donghyuck was the brightest star in Mark’s sky and at that moment with his gaze searching and finding the younger man among the running blurs, he knew that it would remain so for the rest of his life. He was everything; streaked with beauty, distilled into miles and miles of sun-kissed skin, firework eyes and quicksilver wishes spelling out Mark’s eternity. He was Mark’s, all cracks and bruises included; to have and to hold; to love and to cherish; his today and tomorrow and forever, and when Donghyuck ran to him, his arms stretched wide open for him, Mark was certain of what he already knew; Donghyuck felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, here it is. The end. 
> 
> Hit me up on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Crimsun) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_Crimsun_)

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Crimsun) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_Crimsun_)


End file.
